Guardian Blues
By Dan Green

Part 4

I was still thinking a lot about what Lisa told me for the rest of the evening, especially after I dropped her off back at the dorms and surfed home by myself. I should have been scared and I guess I was, a little bit. I didn’t know much about Codemasters but I knew their reputation – they were bad motherboards, especially the ones from the web. The scariest thing was probably thinking about what Dot would do to me if she knew – I might never get to leave my room for the next hour.

But that didn’t matter to me – none of it. I’ve always been pretty good about judging people – I think Matrix was right about how I connect with them emotionally. It’s not like something I try to do – I just do it. I trusted my senses with Lisa – and they were screaming out loud and clear that she was a good sprite. It certainly wasn’t fair to blame her for who her Dad was, and even he hadn’t done anything terrible to anybody that I knew about. Well - other than walking out on her, which was pretty terrible when I thought about it. Still, I felt in my heart that she was good – I was only worried that I wasn’t being totally impartial, that maybe Mouse had been right to worry about me that way.

I remembered to duck into the bathroom and wipe my cheek and my mouth and even my nose before I went back into the dorm - I didn’t need any repeats of that little incident with Mouse. I was amazed how red the towel was – it was like I’d just lost a really bad fight. My lips were a little sore, too. I decided I could be brave and live with the pain.

I was headed for the elevator when I saw someone duck into one of the rooms down the hallway, and heard voices and laughing. That’s when I suddenly remembered Quantum’s invitation and checked my chronometer. It was twenty-nine-fifty. I started to feel a knot growing in my stomach.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want to be in there – I really did. The only parties I’d ever been to were the kind with clowns and games and stuff, and they were parties for me. The idea of going to a party with a bunch of big kids was really exciting, and if I wanted to fit in it was really important, too. But I was still scared thinking about it. I didn’t have the faintest clue what to expect. For all I knew Quantum had invited me just so he and his friends could laugh at me.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the door – room 115, I remembered. I knocked - too softly again, which was a bad habit I was gonna have to work on – and waited a couple of nanos. The door opened and music spilled out and a red-haired guy with blue skin opened the door and stared at me. "Hey."

"Who ordered a shrimp cocktail?" the kid called out, and I heard laughter. I tried to laugh too, just to show I could take a joke.

I heard Quantum’s voice next. "Is that Enzo out there? Let him in, move your ascii!" The other kid stepped aside and Quantum sauntered over. He grinned and stuck out his hand. "Hey, Kiddo. Welcome to paradise, otherwise known as Quantum’s room. Don’t mind this ugly output – he’s just my roommate. C’mon in."

"Thanks!" I met his powerful grip with my puny one and walked into the room. There were about eight or nine guys there, all looking like older second-hours. Some music was playing pretty loudly, Bob-type music, guitar rock with a lot of bass that I could feel thumping in my chest. The air was hazy and the room was dimly lit and it was absolutely like no place I’d ever been before and a strange sort of exhilaration started to course through me.

"Chill out and relax, Little Man. If ya need anything let me know."

"Thanks." Quantum popped me on the shoulder again and I took another look around the room. I recognized a few faces but the only one I knew by name was Helix. He was sitting on the bed with a glass in his hand talking with another guy, and I waved and tentatively walked towards him. "Hi, Helix. What’s processing?"

He looked a little surprised to see me at first, but then he smiled. "Hey, Sprout. Getting settled in OK?"

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks for showing me around and everything."

"NP. Have a seat." He gestured with his glass at the guy he was talking to. "This is Backslash. Slash, this is the kid I was telling you about, from the rec room."

"Hey." I said meekly, waving as I sat next to Helix on the bed.

"Hey. So you’re the little guy that popped Zip, huh?"

"Oh, uh… I guess!"

Backslash and Helix laughed. "I wish I’d been there – I bet it was hilarious! Wish I’d seen the look on his face."

"He started it."

"Yeah." Helix giggled. "But you finished it, Kid. I’ve seen little guys crack from what those guys did to you – you got balls."

"Thanks, I guess. I’m still sore from where he punched me in the gut, though."

"No pain, no gain, Kid."

Quantum walked over and held a small glass out to me. "Here ya go, Little Man."

"Thanks." I sniffed it tentatively and wrinkled my nose. "What is it?"

"I/O shot, Sport. The nectar of kings."

My mouth dropped open. "Uh…."

"Go on, Kid – you’ll like it. Never had one before?"

"Um – no, I guess not…"

"You kidding?" Backslash laughed. "He looks like he was on mother’s milk till last minute!"

"No! I’ll drink it, I just never- I don’t-"

"Easy, Kid." Quantum patted me on the shoulder. "The trick is just to drink it down, quick. ‘Boom!’ One shot. That’s why they call it an I/O shot."

"OK." I smiled. I took a look at the glass, closed my eyes and sighed. Dot chose that very nano to pop in my head. She didn’t look happy. I slowly raised the glass until I felt it touch my lips, held it there for a nano, and tipped it back quickly.

The first thing I remember is my mouth and throat feeling like they were on fire. Then I remember hearing cheers, and then I was coughing for a couple of nanos and there were hands pounding my back. I gasped and opened my eyes, and Quantum and Helix were grinning at me. "G-good." I rasped.

"User, Sprout – you crack me up!" Quantum chuckled. He tousled my hair roughly. "I like you, Enzo."

"Thanks." I gasped, still fighting for breath. He winked at me and disappeared back into the haze of the room. "Where… Where does he get this stuff?"

"In town. Easy as pi squared." Backslash said, reaching into his pocket. "So - I hear you came in with Guardian 452, huh?"

"Uh – yeah." My throat was still full of razor blades.

"And you know Mouse and Ray Tracer too?"

"Yeah. But I earned my way in here! Sorry… But it’s just that everyone seems to think-"

"Don’t get uncompiled, Kid – I’m just askin’. If you turned Zip’s lights out you must have somethin’ going on. Here ya go." He held out his hand.

"What’s this?" I knew as soon as I asked – I recognized it from Al’s Waiter. "A cigarette?"

"Sure, Kid."

"Oh, Crash…" A cigarette! Dot really looked mad now. I put it between my lips tentatively, and before I knew what was happening Backslash was holding up a lighter and the end of the cigarette was starting to glow and my lung was somewhere on the floor in front of me.

"Easy, Sport! Nice, slow, puffs. That’s it."

"Cool." I wheezed. I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe people actually did this for fun. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, and when I looked down I noticed my glass was full again. How did that happen?

"You’re gonna do fine here, Sprout. Just get through the first semester and you’ll be cool." Helix grinned. "I had my doubts about you when I first saw you, but you’re OK."

"Thanks." I smiled back and took a small, careful puff on the cigarette. I held the smoke in my mouth for a nano and blew it out into the room. That was definitely better – but still disgusting. "Bob…has… taught me a…lot. He’s amazing."

"Bob? Guardian 452?"

"He…likes ‘Bob’ better. You can…meet him…the next time…he’s here."

"Cool." Helix held up his glass. "To Bob!"

"Er – to Bob!" I echoed, and clinked his glass with mine. He tipped his back and I reluctantly followed suit. "Ohhhhhhh, User…"

"You OK, Little Man?"

"Yeah." I nodded, and regretted it immediately. The burning wasn’t as bad as the first time, but my head was starting to feel like it was full of air and the muscles in my neck didn’t seem to want to work right. "I…I think."

After that things start to get a little blurry. I don’t know how much longer I was there, but I don’t think it was a real long time. I know I managed to ditch my glass before anyone could fill it up again, and after a couple more puffs on the cigarette I found an ashtray and dumped it in there. I talked to a few kids but even though I didn’t drink any more, my head was feeling stranger and stranger.

Finally I sensed a distinctly unpleasant feeling starting to grow in my stomach, and my head started to really hurt. It was hard to look at the room, because it didn’t want to stay still. Looking at it made my head hurt worse and my stomach feel funnier and finally I realized that I had to leave and I had to do it quick.

I looked around desperately for Quantum and I finally found him over by the disc player. I wobbled across the room and patted him on the arm. "Um, Quantum? I… I have to go. Thanks for…asking me over."

He grinned down at me. "Feeling OK, Sport?"

"Yeah!" Talking wasn’t easy – the sound of my own voice was making my head throb. "Just…tired. I’ll see you… soon, K?"

"Yeah – thanks for comin’ over." I managed a weak smile – I think - and headed for the door.

I had to really work hard to force myself not to run till I was outside, but I think I managed it. Once I was in the hallway I looked around but my head was full of fuzz and I couldn’t remember where the bathroom was. It was like I’d never been in the building before. I took off down the hallway at a shaky gallop and passed by doors until I found the one that looked right and I tried to open it and it wouldn’t budge, and it took me a nano to realize it wasn’t the wrong door, I just had to palm my icon over the lock. I did, it opened, and I stumbled inside, found the nearest you-know-what and went down on my knees and puked my guts out.

I’ve thrown-up before – I guess most sprites have – but this wasn’t like any of those times. I won’t go into too much graphic detail but what came out of me smelled really bad – like I/O distillate and rotten food and I still had the smell from the cigarette on me and I got a good whiff of all of it and retched and then I barfed again.

This happened about four times and no one else came into the bathroom, thank the User. I finally stopped, I think mostly because I had nothing left inside me to puke up. After that I just knelt there a while ‘cause I felt so exhausted I didn’t think I could stand up.

All the time I was kneeling there Dot’s face was inside my processor, staring at me and shaking her head. She didn’t look mad, either – she just looked really disappointed, and that was worse. I felt really disgusting and disgusted with myself at the same time. I’d broken some more rules, and I didn’t even enjoy doing it. I mean, I did like being in that room with the big kids and Quantum and Helix being nice to me and all, but the I/O shots I could process without and the cigarette was even worse. I wasn’t sure how I’d do it and still fit in with those guys, but I promised myself right there that I wouldn’t put myself through that again for a long time. As much as I hate it, sometimes there are things you really are too young for and I/O shots and cigarettes were a couple of those things for me.

"Sorry. I’m really sorry." I said in a raspy voice even though no one else was there. Dot was – she felt real enough, and I thought I owed it to her. I stumbled over to the sink and rinsed my mouth out and splashed cold data on my face until I felt well enough to go upstairs to my room.

"Hey." Linux said as I walked in. He was already under his covers, playing a game on his organizer.

"Mmmf."

"Wow – you all right? You look like the inside of a null’s stomach! Enzo?"

"Nuh." I grumbled, and fell face down on my bed. I didn’t even bother to kick off my shoes or change or get under the blanket – I just wanted to lie there and go to sleep.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. Just tired." I mumbled. I actually felt a byte better than I had before I tossed my cookies, but that wasn’t saying much.

"You smell, too."

"Sleep."

"You got hammered, didn’t you?"

I managed to turn my head with a groan and stare at him. "What?"

"You got hammered! I’ve got two big brothers, remember? I know what hammered looks like. How’d it happen?"

"Oh, User…"

"How’d it happen, Enzo?"

"Quantum. Asked me to come to his room, there were a couple guys there. I/O shots. Want to die."

"A party, huh? Thanks for asking me."

"Sorry. I didn’t think I could – next time I’ll ask him, I promise." I wanted to feel bad for him, but at that nano I couldn’t do anything but feel bad period.

Linux sighed. "Man – I bet it was cool."

"Was OK. I’m never drinking again - I feel awful. And the cigarette was worse…"

That seemed to make him feel better. "I/O shots are like the strongest drinks there are, Nullbrain! Did you barf?"

"Ugh. Yuh."

He nodded. "You’ll feel better tomorrow because of that – that’s what my brothers told me. Gets it out of your system or something."

"Good." I moaned. "I’m really sorry – next time I promise I’ll ask Quantum to invite you. If he ever asks me again. But right now I just want to delete or go to sleep, OK?"

"Yeah." He giggled. "Go to sleep, that’s your better option." I didn’t need to be told twice.

* * *

Thirsty.

Thirsty and stinky. That was the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning. My mouse was incredibly dry, and it tasted terrible, like a null had crawled into it and died. I smelled bad, too – I’d never changed for bed and the stink of the cigarette was on me, along with a lingering whiff of I/O distillate and barf. User, I was disgusting.

Linux was just waking up, looking irritatingly fit and healthy. He rolled over and looked at me as I tumbled out of bed, and a little smile crossed his face. "Morning."

"Mmmf."

"How you feel?"

"Guess." I mumbled, gathering up my kit. A shower never sounded better.

"How’s your head? Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up again?"

"No. Just sore and smelly and thirsty as Hell."

Linux laughed. "You’re lucky you threw up last night or you’d feel even worse, believe me. I’ve seen my brothers with a real hangover and they looked like they’d love to die."

"I guess." It was true that I didn’t feel as bad as I did the night before – just drained and weak. "Gonna take a shower and brush my teeth for like an hour. Wait for me, K?"

"I’ll be over there in a few, actually."

"K." I stumbled to the bathroom and over to the sinks, paying absolutely no attention to anyone else in the room. I brushed my teeth for longer than I ever have in my life, rinsed my mouth out a bunch of times and then drank data right from the tap for at least ten nanos. I couldn’t believe how dry I felt inside, like every drop of moisture had been evaporated from my body.

After that I jumped in the shower and just let the steaming data run over my face for a long time. It was heaven. Once I’d showered and changed – no incidents, thank the User – I headed back to my room and what I was feeling now was unbelievably hungry. I sat down on my bunk and waited for Linux to finish his shower.

I felt really bad about the way I’d been treating Linux. Somehow, without me noticing it, I’d actually been fitting in easier than he had. He hadn’t really made any friends that I knew about, and even though I’d had my share of problems I’m sure he was glad he’d avoided, I’d also had some good things happen. I’d met Lisa, first of all – and she was incredible and she really liked me. I’d managed to get on Quantum’s good side, and even be accepted – more or less – by some of his friends.

It was an interesting feeling, because I was pretty much used to being in the position Linux was now – wanting sprites to spend time with me but always feeling left out when they were too busy. Linux had been really nice to me and he was a good guy, despite what’d happened after the shower nightmare. I was pretty sure I could understand what he was feeling inside – I’d known for a little while, but I’d been selfish and hadn’t done anything about it.

Linux grinned when he walked in from his shower, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt while I stubbornly stuck with my uniform. "You look better!"

"I feel better, thanks. I could eat an ABC, though – I’m starving! Wanna get some breakfast?"

"Yeah, sure." He grabbed his backpack and headed for the door.

"Got any plans after?"

Linux shrugged. "Not really."

"Wanna go play pixels? I’ve been looking forward to it all week. I’m meeting Lisa for lunch later, we could all go for pizza."

He eyed me a little suspiciously, looking for pity probably. "Really?"

"Yeah – it’d be cool. I want her to meet my friends, you know? Well – my friend! C’mon – please? You’ll really like pixels, too."

"Um… Yeah, sure. I guess. If you want to."

"Alphanumeric!" I grinned and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "Dude, I am so glad I got a cool roommate – this place would totally suck if I didn’t."

"Yeah, I guess." He grinned back. I could almost see the circuits firing in his brain – part of him wanted to be suspicious, but more than anything he was just glad that someone wanted to be with him and that crowded out the other stuff. I’d been there a thousand times myself.

"Wanna have breakfast in the great hall, just for a change?"

"Sure – why not? Maybe they’ll let us have java there!"

"Fat chance, Nullbrain." If cadets wanted java they had to get it in town – the Academy probably didn’t want us any more hyper than we already were.

We had our food and we were looking for a place to sit when I saw a familiar flash of red hair and a wave. "Look – it’s Patch. Let’s sit over there."

"Uh…" Linux froze for a nano but I headed for Patch’s table and after a moment he followed along.

"Hi, Enzo! What’s processing?"

"Hey, Patch." I sat next to her and started in on my food. "Not much – you?"

"Same old file." She grinned. "You look great!"

"Um – thanks."

Linux pulled a chair out and almost tripped over it as he sat down. "Uh… Hi, Patch."

"Hi. So how are things going, Enzo? Those outputs haven’t given you any more trouble, have they?"

"Not for a while." I sighed. It was easy to forget about Zip and Calisto if they didn’t bug me for a few cycles, and I didn’t like to be reminded they were still out there.

"They’re just jealous, you know – that’s all. They probably couldn’t even tie their own shoes when they were 1.3."

"Maybe." I giggled. "Some cycles I’m not sure I could tie mine."

"Enzo! You’re so funny…"

"Thanks." I didn’t want to be impolite but I had to get to work on my breakfast, and do it in a big way. My body felt like it was totally empty after my memorable experience in the bathroom the night before.

"Wow. You must be really hungry!" Patch said softly after a couple micros.

"Mmmf." I nodded.

"You wanna play pixels with us?"

Patch and I looked up and stared at Linux. He hadn’t said anything for so long I think we’d both forgotten he was there. "Huh?"

Linux blushed and stared at his plate. "Er – y’know. Pixels. We’re playing after breakfast."

"What’s ‘pixels’?"

"Mmmmf. A really cool arcade game." I offered. "You put on suits and play on teams and shoot pixels and stuff."

"So, uh… Wanna?"

"Is it OK with you, Enzo?"

"Sure." I shrugged, swallowing a whole biscuit. "More the merrier."

"Alpha…uh…numeric!" Patch grinned. "Thanks, Enzo."

"NP." I went back to concentrating on my tray, and since there wasn’t much conversation going on between Patch and Linux the rest of the meal more or less consisted of me responding to Patch’s questions with nods and shakes of my head.

Pixels was totally awesome, just like the time with Bob. It wasn’t circuit racing but I could definitely see it growing on me. With three of us, we decided to enter as a team instead of doing free-for-all. We had to wait about five milliseconds for an opponent but once we got one it was a total blast.

We were matched up against three kids I didn’t recognize – maybe they were locals. Linux got eliminated almost as soon as the game started, which sucked. They had one guy out in the open and before I could warn Linux he tried to go after him and wipe him out, but they had another guy hiding and they ambushed him. I felt really bad for him, but Patch and I had to stay alive ourselves, so before too long I was totally into the game. The nice thing about a game like pixels or jetball is that you can really relax and take chances, since you don’t have to worry about being nullified or marooned in a game cube.

The game lasted a really long time – at least ten millis, I think. Patch and I managed to survive long enough to eliminate two of the guys on the other team so it was down to two against one. At that stage it was easy – I whispered to Patch that I’d use myself to lure the last opponent into the open, and when he came out to zap me Patch could jump out and zap him and we’d win the game. And that’s exactly what happened – I made an exaggerated show of slowly sneaking through a big exposed space between two fake boulders, and when he popped up to fire on me Patch knocked him out. One good thing about being small and young-looking is that game opponents automatically think you’re also stupid, a lot of the time. That’s something you can really use to your advantage if you don’t happen to actually be stupid.

I walked over to the Linux and held up my hand, grinning. "Pretty cool, huh? We won!"

"Crash – I suck." He slapped my hand listlessly.

"No way, Dude – it’s a team game. You took one for the team, just like I did."

"Enzo!"

"Hey, Patch – good job."

"Alphanumeric!" she hugged me clumsily. "You are so totally smart – that was a great plan there at the end. Where’d you learn all that stuff?"

I shrugged. "From Bob, mostly – basic game strategy. If it’s last one standing, you only need one survivor to win. We could afford to sacrifice a man."

"Well, you’re totally cool. Pixel…acious. I hope I’m as good in games as you are some cycle."

"You will be. I’m nothin’ special, believe me. C’mon – let’s head over to the park – I gotta meet Lisa."

"Lisa? Who’s that?"

"Uh – Lisa Jobs. She’s a friend of mine."

"A… friend?"

"Sure." I grinned. "We’re gonna have lunch with her – you can come too if you want."

"Oh! Sure, I guess. Thanks."

"Cool. OK with you, Linux?" He just shrugged, which I took for a yes, and we dropped off our pixels gear and headed out into the street.

"Lisa – she’s that girl with the teal skin, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"She’s really pretty, isn’t she?"

That struck me as a weird thing for Patch to say. "I… I guess so. Sure."

"How’d you meet her?"

I noticed Linux was disappearing again – he was trailing along a few paces behind us, not saying anything, which didn’t make me too happy as it was messing with my plan to get him involved. That was one difference between him and me – when everyone back home was trying to ignore me, my strategy was always to make it as difficult as possible for them to keep doing it. "I met her in the mess hall, I guess. And she’s in my Phys Ed class."

"Do you like her?"

I jerked my head back over to Patch. Another weird question… "Yeah. She’s great, I like her a lot. Why?"

"No reason." Patch smiled, showing a lot of teeth. "Just glad to hear you’re making friends and everything."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess. It’s not easy. Linux is a really good friend, right? He’s great. Nobody else yet, really. How about you?"

"I’m doing just fine, thank you."

"There she is! Hey, Lisa!" Lisa was sitting on ‘our’ bench, wearing her black shorts and T-shirt, which was a great look for her. Not that she had any bad ones. As soon as I saw her I forgot anyone else was there. She waved and I trotted across to her, grinning. "What’s processing?"

"Not much, Cutie. I missed you."

"Missed you too." I almost hugged her, but decided against it – I grabbed her hand instead. I blushed and turned back to the others. "You remember Linux, right? And that’s Patch."

"Hi Linux. I know Patch – we have Physical Combat together, don’t we?"

"We might." Patch smiled. "Good to see you."

"You mind if they come to lunch with us?"

"Sure." Lisa shrugged. "Hope you guys like pizza – Enzo is crazy about it!"

"Lisa! Stop it..." I giggled. I bent close and whispered in her ear. "I told Linux, you know… Not to say anything or anything. About you know what."

"Oh I know, Enzo – it’s all right. You said you would, and I believe you."

"Cool." I waved to the others to follow us. "C’mon, guys – there’s this awesome little pizza place on Baker Street that Bob and I found – you’ll love it."

"Sounds wonderful." Patch said. Her voice sounded weird, but like always it was hard to think about anyone else when my Lisa was around. As it was I couldn’t look away from her, but I wanted to at least try and get Linux involved in the conversation. "Hey Linux – do they have pizza on Helios? D’you like it?"

"Don’t know."

"What do you mean, you don’t know?"

"I dunno."

"O…K." I shrugged. We walked along the rest of the way in silence, which I guess might have been awkward but I was perfectly happy to hold Lisa’s hand and walk next to her. Once we got to the pizza place we all sat down in a booth, me and Lisa on one side and Linux and Patch on the other.

Patch smiled in our direction. "Thank you so much for inviting me to join you, Enzo." Her smile was weird, like it was too big for her face.

"Thanks. Uh – actually it was Linux that invited you to play pixels."

"Of course. Thank you, Linux."

"Welcome." Linux seemed to be losing his voice.

"You’re so pretty, Lisa. Your hair is beautiful – I wish mine were like that! You must work really hard to keep it so perfect."

Lisa shrugged and smiled. "Just normal stuff – you know, shampoo, conditioner. Yours is beautiful, too – I love red hair."

"Aren’t you nice!" Patch smiled her too-big smile directly at Lisa, and no one said anything for a couple of nanos.

"Um… Patch is really good at pixels." Linux finally offered in a little voice. "She’s-"

"Thank you. But Enzo is the real high-density one – he came up with all the strategy."

"And I’m totally 8-bit." Linux mumbled. "Did you know my big brother is infected? Just like your father is. Wild, huh?"

"Very interesting."

"Yeah. He-" Linux hit the Tabasco sauce with his elbow and knocked it over, and when he tried to reach for it he bumped it over the edge of the table and it would have smashed on the floor, but Lisa’s hand shot out and grabbed it before it fell. "Sorry!"

"Wow! You’ve got some reflexes." I gasped.

Lisa and Linux both looked embarrassed. "Sorry." He repeated.

"Linux, you really crack me up sometimes!" I giggled. He shrugged and put his chin in his hands, and no one said anything for a few nanos and the silence started to get kind of awkward again. Lisa reached out and squeezed my hand and I smiled at her. "So, uh… What d’you guys want on the pizza?"

"You know," Patch sighed, "I’m not feeling real hungry all of a sudden. I think I’m gonna take off."

"What? Why-"

"Just one of those things – you know. Thanks very much for inviting me, though. See you in class, Lisa."

"Sure – see you. You sure you don’t want to stay?"

"Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks, though." Patch awkwardly squeezed by Linux – his face turned all red - and out of the booth. She waved and took off at a fast walk.

"That was weird! Why in the net did she do that?" I whistled. Lisa stared at me for a nano. "What?"

"Think I’ll go too." Linux mumbled.

"No! Come on Dude, I know you’re hungry!"

"Nah – three’s a crowd and all that."

He started to stand but I grabbed his arm. "C’mon, Linux – please?"

"That’s OK. You guys have fun. Bye, Lisa."

"Bye Linux." Lisa said sadly. Linux stood up and sort of shuffled his feet, then thrust his hands into his pockets and slowly headed out.

"Crash – that was totally basic, huh? Why’d they go and sign off like that?"

Lisa stared at me for a nano. "You’re kidding, right?"

"What? What is it? Was it something I said?"

She studied me hard for another nano, and it was starting to freak me out. Then she laughed and shook her head. "Enzo, you’re totally amazing. Sometimes I really have to stop and think about how amazing you are, or I’d be sure you were offline."

"What?" I could feel my blush rising. "What’re you talking about? What did I do?"

She giggled again, then grabbed my hands gently and looked into my eyes. "Enzo, Sweetie, I want you to listen to me for a micro, all right?"

"What? Sure. But-"

"Enzo, listen, OK? That girl totally has the hots for you."

"What? No way! She-"

"Hush, Enzo. Just listen. Patch is in love with you, Cutie. That’s why she was acting all basic like that."

"But… But… That’s impossible!" I protested. "I mean – I like you!"

"Do you think that makes any difference to her?"

"Crash!" I fell back in the booth, taking that in. The possibility had never even occurred to me. "We’re just friends, though!" I said weakly. "We were in a game together, and we played pixels…"

"You’re so sweet." She hugged me and took my face in her hands. "You really don’t have a clue, do you? Poor Enzo…"

"How did this happen?"

"Well – you were in a game together, you said?"

"Yeah… It was her first one."

"So I bet you were totally nice to her and all modest but you still did really great in the game, right?"

"I dunno. Sort of, I guess."

"And you were just as cute as a pixel because you can’t help it, and now she’s in love with you. It’s not your fault, Enzo. But it’s still a fact."

"Oh." I sighed. It was amazing how complicated life could be in ways you totally didn’t expect. Don’t get me wrong, a part of me was really flattered – I figured I’d be Phong’s age before I ever had a girl and now two girls liked me. But it still felt scraggy, because I totally liked Lisa but I liked Patch too – she was nice and I didn’t want her to hate me.

"Poor Enzo." Lisa held my hand in one of hers and softly stroked my wrist with the other.

"Wait – so why did Linux leave then?"

"Oh, no. Enzo – really?"

"What now?" I groaned.

She tried hard to swallow her laughter, but it finally exploded out of her in short, loud bursts that made me feel like crawling under the floor. "Enzo, Sweetie… You’re just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, you know that?"

"What? Just tell me already!"

"Don’t ever change." She grinned and kissed me on the cheek, then sat back, still holding my hand. "Enzo, Linux has the hots for Patch."

"He does?"

"Of course! I know you don’t have a lot of experience with all this, but I thought since you live with him maybe you’d notice-"

"OK, OK – I get the point! I’m a basic 9-pinhead, right."

"Oh, you’re not! You’re just… Just inexperienced. That’s all."

"How do you know? I mean – he didn’t say anything…"

"Oh Enzo, I don’t know how to explain it. I just know, that’s all. You didn’t pick up on any of the signals?"

I shrugged helplessly. "What signals?"

"The way he kept blushing, and sneaking little looks at her? The way he acted all clumsy and tried to compliment her?" I shook my head and she sighed. "It’s like I’m speaking a language you’ve never heard before, isn’t it…"

"Sorry."

"Don’t you be sorry! You’re just different than any other boy I’ve ever met, that’s all. Your processor isn’t all clogged up with the same stupid stuff everyone else’s is. I wouldn’t want you any other way!"

"Thanks – I guess. But I still feel like a nullbrain. Are you sure about Linux and Patch?"

"Pretty sure, Cutie."

"Crash. I just figured Linux was clumsy, that’s all."

Lisa grinned. "Well you know, Enzo, that’s kinda how you acted around me when we first met, don’t you think? That should have been your first clue!"

That got me blushing really good. "Did I really act like that? All clumsy and shy and stuff?" I knew the answer before I even asked the question.

"Sort of. You never do anything the same as everybody else, though."

"I guess I was too busy looking at you to notice anything else." I felt bold all of a sudden and kissed her quickly on the lips.

"Oh, Enzo…" I started to pull away, a little embarrassed at kissing her in such a public place, but she tugged me back and kissed me again, right as the dedicated server came up to take our pizza order.

"A-hem!"

"Sorry!" Lisa laughed, and I’m sure I turned an even deeper red.

"May I take your order now, Sir?"

"Uh… Yeah. Large pizza. What do you want on it, Lisa?"

"Shrooms." Lisa giggled, still holding me close to her and running her hand through my hair, which was taking me away to a really nice place.

"And extra garlic." I mumbled, as the server moved off. I kissed Lisa’s cheek and put my head down on her shoulder and just let her hold me for a few nanos. "Sorry about Patch." I whispered.

"It’s all right. I’m sorry about Linux – poor little thing. He seems really nice."

"He is. He’s great – so is Patch. They’re both really nice. They helped me when I got in trouble for the fight."

"They sound like good friends, Enzo."

"They are." I sighed. "Crash – it’s scraggy that they’re both all upset now. Why does all this boy-girl stuff have to be so complicated?"

Lisa gave a little soft of half laugh, half breath. "It just is – I don’t know why. I don’t know all that much about it, Cutie – I’ve only ever really liked one boy, you know."

I lifted my head to grin at her. "Yeah."

"He was a real hottie, too – not much like you…"

"Hey!"

"Psych."

"Very funny." I put my head back down again. It definitely liked being on her shoulder, with her hand in my hair. "I guess I can’t really be friends with Patch now, can I? I don’t see how, if she’s- You know…"

"I don’t mind if you’re friends with her. I don’t want you to have to give up any friends because of me."

"But how, though? She didn’t seem very happy, did she?"

"No." Lisa sighed. "I guess not. Neither did Linux – poor thing. He was trying so hard, too."

"He always tries hard. Maybe too hard." As I said it I thought about it, and it really made sense to me. "He tries to make friends the same way. That’s just how he is, but for some reason it doesn’t work a lot of the time."

"Oh." Lisa sounded really sad. She didn’t say anything for a little while as she stroked my hair, and I was too comfortable to say much.

"Too bad Patch doesn’t like Linux – that’d solve all our problems." I finally whispered.

"What?"

"You know – he likes her already, so if she just liked him instead of me we’d be all set. I know it’s dumb, I’m a moron about all this stuff-"

"Why is it dumb?" She put her hand under my chin and lifted my face.

"I… I dunno. Isn’t it?"

"No! You’re smarter about people than you think, Enzo."

"Oh! Thanks. But – how? I mean, you can’t just make someone like someone else. Can you?"

"Well, Linux already likes Patch – so we’ve got half the program designed already. All we need to do is convince her that he’s a stud and we’re all set. What’s so fuuny?"

"Nothing." I giggled. "It’s just that Linux is so- I dunno. He’s kinda goofy."

"So what? He doesn’t deserve a girlfriend because of that? You aren’t exactly the smoothest operator in the net either, Cutie."

"I know! I’m not sayin’ that. I really like Linux – he’s a great kid. But it’s not like he’s tall or athletic or charming or even cool or anything. It’d be a lot easier if he was." Of course I knew that I wasn’t any of those things either, but somehow I’d been lucky enough to find a girl who actually liked that about me.

"Well – some things are more important." Lisa had a determined look on her face, and it didn’t look like anything would dislodge it easily. "We just need to convince Patch that Linux has other things going for him. He’s nice, isn’t he? He’d treat her nicely?"

"Sure."

"That’s important. He’s cute, too – in a Linux kinda way. Not as cute as you, but still cute. What else?"

"Well, uh, he… He’s pretty smart, I think. He does good in class. And he can be a lot of fun – he likes music and quicktimes and he even sang with me and Bob."

"Sang?" Lisa smiled.

"Never mind! He’s loyal, too – like I said, he and Patch saved my bitmap when I got in trouble for the fight."

"Hmmm." Lisa scratched her chin thoughtfully. "That’s one thing they have in common, isn’t it?"

"What?" I frowned. "You lost me."

"You."

"Me?"

"Sure, Kiddo. They both like you – they both laid their code on the line for you. Maybe we can use that somehow."

"In common?" I thought about that for a nano. "Is that important?"

"Of course it is, Silly! You have to have stuff in common or you’ll have nothing to talk about."

"Sorry! It’s just, when you said that… They actually do have a lot of stuff in common. Patch’s father was a Guardian and he was infected, and so was Linux’ big brother. And they both lived in the supercomputer for a while. And neither one of them had ever been in a game before they came here."

"Enzo – that’s graphical! All we need to do is get Patch thinking about all this stuff, and maybe she’ll start to give Linux a chance. It’ll require a pretty big sales job, I admit…"

"I’d buy anything if you were selling it."

"Flatterer." Lisa giggled, and kissed me on the nose. "And maybe a cooling fan for Linux so he doesn’t act like quite as big a klutz when he sees her…"

"Wait! How is he going to see her? She won’t want to do anything with Linux, will she? She might not even want to do anything with me after today."

"Hmmm." She got that thoughtful, determined look again, and I knew I was in over my code. "Here’s what we’ll do – I’ll ask Patch to have dinner with me in the mess in the great hall, and you ask Linux. Only I won’t tell her Linux will be there, and you don’t tell him that Patch will – he might be too embarrassed after today."

"OK." I nodded helplessly. "Then what?"

"Leave that to me." Lisa grinned. "We’ll do it in two cycles – Patch and I have combat together last period. I’ll take her to the mess hall right after we shower. You give us a few micros before you show up – I want to have a chance to sell her before you guys get there."

"Sell her?" The whole thing sounded dubious to me, but like I said I was in over my code. It was obvious the decision was already made. "You sure you can get Patch to come? If she likes me and she know I like you, maybe she won’t."

"Don’t worry – I’ll get her there. And before the night is over she’ll think Linux is the coolest thing since designer mousepads."

"If you say so." I sighed.

"And don’t tell Linux – remember that! Just talk to him a little between now and then, give him hints that just maybe Patch likes him. Try and get his confidence up, give him an idea what to say."

"I don’t know what to say!"

"Yes you do." Lisa grinned. "You always did. I’m here now, aren’t I?"

I stared at her smiling face for a nano, then I smiled myself. "Yeah – I guess." I gave her a quick hug and kissed her on top of the head. "So, uh… Lisa?"

"Hmmm?"

I looked at her again. "Would you say that maybe I’m, you know… Your boyfriend now?"

She stared at me thoughtfully. "Hmmm. You know, I think maybe you are."

"So that means that you’re my girlfriend?"

She giggled. "Seems logical."

"Alphanumeric!" I felt a tremendous burst of energy go through me. Until that nano I’d been a little afraid to let myself use those words for what we were, even in my head. User, it sounded pixelacious! I leaned in and kissed her right on the mouth, not even caring who was watching.

"A-hem!"

Naturally, the server chose that nano to bring our pizza. I quickly pulled away, wiping my lips, and Lisa tried to swallow her laughter again. "Sorry, Ma’am."

"Disgraceful." The server scowled. "This is a fine dining establishment, not a homepage of ill repute!" With a snort, she dropped the pizza to the table and whirred off on her tracks.

"Cecilia." I sighed.

"What?" Lisa laughed.

"Never mind, let’s eat. That garlic smells good."

"Yeah – I’m glad we already kissed…"

* * *

Lisa wanted me to boost Linux’ self-confidence, which was a good idea and sounded pretty easy – until I actually had to try and do it. One thing I was discovering was that Linux didn’t have a whole lot of self-confidence – even less than me in a lot of ways. He was a little bolder than me about talking to people he didn’t know and stuff like that, but he didn’t follow it up very much and it almost seemed like he was doing it to cover something up about himself. It’s not like I’d been following him around or anything, but he hadn’t seemed to make any friends that I knew about, besides me.

The whole next cycle I pretty much shadowed him whenever I wasn’t in class, just talked to him and joked with him and tried to make him feel cheerful. I even had lunch with him – I raced to the main mess and told Lisa my plans, and headed over to the boys’ dorm where Linux liked to eat lunch. It wasn’t easy for me to skip lunch with Lisa – that meant having to go a whole cycle basically without seeing her, which was torture. But I figured this once I could survive it.

Like I said I spent the whole cycle with him, more or less, but I didn’t have the nerve to bring up Patch until we were back in our room after hanging out in the rec room. By that time Linux was in a pretty good mood and he seemed to have forgotten most of what had happened at the pixels game and the pizza place. He put on a disc – Talking Heads, I remember, ‘cause I love that song "Up All Night" – and we sat on our beds and talked about stupid stuff and did homework and shot spitwads at each other.

"Guess what?" I said after a while.

"What, Nullface?"

"I heard something you might be interested in."

Linux looked up. "What?"

I’d thought carefully about how to say it – how I’d want to hear it, if it were me being told a girl liked me. "You remember Patch, right?"

"Duh!"

"Sorry! Well – I think she likes you."

He dropped his organizer and stared at me. "Byte me. You’re lying."

"No way, Dude! I saw her looking at you when we were at the pizza place, and-"

"She was looking at me ‘cause I was knocking over everything on the table, Stupid! I’m surprised she didn’t laugh!"

"No! Not only that – she was checkin’ you out at the pixels arcade, too."

"You’re basic." He scowled. "She thinks I’m a null – when she notices me at all."

"Well, I’m pretty sure. Do you like her?"

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders a little. "Doesn’t matter."

"C’mon – do you? I think she’s pretty cute."

"You think you’re hot stuff ‘cause you got a girlfriend…"

"No! I’m just curious, that’s all. If she asked you, would you go out?"

He hesitated. "I… I guess. She’s OK. But it doesn’t matter, ‘cause she doesn’t like me anyways."

"There’s something else, too."

"What?"

I smiled. "Lisa sees her sometimes, y’know? They have classes and stuff. Lisa thinks Patch likes you, too. I think Patch might’ve said something to her."

For the first time Linux actually started to look hopeful. Then he looked cold again, like he’d crushed the idea before it got too big and he started to believe it. "Dude, if you’re lying to me I’ll be so pissed at you!"

I felt a major stab of guilt and hoped it didn’t show on my face. I also hoped Lisa knew what in the net she was doing. "Hey – I’m just telling you what Lisa said. She thinks Patch likes you. And she was checkin’ you out at that arcade."

He stared at me for another nano. "I don’t know…"

"Whatever. I think she does."

"I… I figured she liked you."

I shrugged. "We were in a game together, so I guess we’re friends. But I don’t think she like me likes me."

"Maybe." He mused. "So you think maybe I should ask her out?"

Panic! "What – now?"

"Now, now, Output – it’s almost lights out! Maybe tomorrow?"

"Uh… I’d wait a couple cycles if I were you."

He glared at me suspiciously. "Why?"

Crash! I felt like deleting Lisa for getting me into this. I pulled a phrase out of my bitmap from way deep in my memory somewhere. "Uh… I hear girls like it when you play hard to get."

"Who told you that?"

"Lisa. Makes sense, you know? I don’t think they like it if a guy seems too eager. Makes you look desperate." Not a bad improvisation, even if I say so myself…

"Yeah – I guess that makes sense. So what should I do then?"

"Um – I don’t really know. I’m no expert!"

"But you’ve got a girlfriend, Dude. So I guess that makes you more of an expert than me!"

Wow – it was pretty weird to hear that from someone else! But I guess it was true, basic as it sounded. Anyway, all I had to do was keep Linux from falling on his face before Lisa’s dinner. "Just be cool, I guess. If you see her be nice to her and talk to her, but don’t ask her out or anything right away. Just, you know – be nice."

There was a knock on the door, and Linux and I stared at each other. We didn’t get people knocking on our door, ever. My first thought was that it was Zip and Calisto and I was gonna get beat up, but that didn’t make sense – why would they knock? Then I thought maybe it was a teacher and I was in trouble again.

Linux’ bed was closer to the door so he stood up and answered it. I couldn’t see who it was from my bed, but Linux got a surprised look on his face and didn’t say anything. Then I heard a voice I recognized. "Enzo here?"

"Quantum?" I leapt to my feet and dashed to the door. He was standing there with a big grin on his face, and Helios and Quantum’s red-headed roommate and a few other guys I didn’t really know were standing behind him. "Uh… Hey! Whassup?"

"Hey, Little Man. Are you feeling bold tonight?"

I gaped at him what I’m pretty sure was stupidly. "Um… I guess so. Why-"

"Do you have the heart of a lion? Are you unstoppable?"

I looked over at Linux, who’d taken a couple of awed steps back at the sight of so many second-hours on our doorstep. I turned back to Quantum and shrugged. "Sure. What’s going on?"

Quantum smiled again and put his hand over his heart. "Only a sacred rite of passage that has been passed from generation to generation of young men at the Academy since time immemorial. A precious ritual dear to the heart of every Guardian who walks the net. And every semester a Sprout is selected to share in this ritual so that he may pass it along to another generation, next hour. Are you bold enough to be that sprite?"

I gulped a big mouthful of air. "I…"

"Are you ready to take the next step, Enzo? Are you ready to be a man tonight?"

"A… A man?" I glanced over at Linux again, only to find him staring back at me. "Yeah… I mean – Yeah! I’m ready."

"Good. Come with us, then." Quantum whirled away.

"I don’t have to drink anything, do I?"

"No – not tonight." Quantum chuckled. "Come – let us away."

"Wait!"

"What is it, Sprout? Why do you disrupt the sacred ritual?"

My mouth was totally dry, now. "Can… Can Linux come too?"

"Uh, Enzo – that’s OK-"

"Please? He’s great, whatever it is he’ll be cool I promise! He wants to be a man, too!"

Quantum frowned. "It is most irregular. Normally only a single sprout is chosen to join the sacred ritual."

"Please?"

"Enzo, it’s really OK, I’m-"

"Very well, then." Quantum nodded. "Follow and learn, Sprouts. Come."

I grinned at Linux, who looked like he’d swallowed a null. "Come on!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him after the others.

"Enzo!" he hissed. "What do you think-"

"Silence!" Quantum barked. "While the ritual is in progress you shall not speak until you are commanded to."

"Sorry!" both of us peeped. I was a little scared by what might be part of this ‘ritual’, but I had a big rush of adrenaline shooting through me too. And the thought that I might get into trouble again was the farthest thing from my mind. One thing I was sure of – I didn’t want Linux to be left out again. He didn’t look so sure.

Quantum knocked on another door a little ways down our hall. "Come Watson, come – the game is afoot!" He called softly.

The door opened, and a tall second-hour poked his head out. "What do you mean, a foot?"

Quantum sighed and lightly slapped the guy on the forehead. "Nullbrain! Just come on." The kid slipped out into the hall and fell into place with our little group. Quantum led us a couple doors farther down the hall, and knocked again. "The moment is nigh!" Another older looking kid slipped outside, grinning. It was becoming obvious to me that all these guys knew in advance about this – Linux and I seemed to be the only ones who didn’t know what was going to happen. That was a nervous thought, I have to admit.

Linux and I sort of naturally settled to the rear of the pack, following behind the older cadets. Quantum repeated the process of lightly knocking and calling out several times over the three floors, and by the time we were back at his room I counted fifteen of us. None of the other cadets were in any of my classes, so it looked like Quantum was telling the truth about me and Linux being the only first-hours.

There was a kind of excited buzz running through the others, as they whispered and giggled and punched each other on the arm. Linux and I sort of stayed a little apart from them and waited, nervously. I had a buzz running through me and I couldn’t stay still, but I was also scared. Part of me would have definitely liked to have ran back to my room and crawled under the blankets, and judging by Linux’ face I bet he felt the same way. But there we were, and I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. All sorts of weird scenarios were playing out in my head.

So naturally, under the circumstances, I panicked a little bit when Quantum walked over and grinned, then proceeded to tie a blindfold over my eyes. "Hey! Stop it!" I tried to reach up and rip it off, but someone held my hands behind my back.

"Chill, Little Man. We’ll take good care of you, don’t worry."

"But-"

"Prepare yourself. The nano is almost upon us."

"Crash!" I whispered. I could hear Linux struggling next to me, and assumed he was as helpless as I was. After my nightmare in the showers it was not a good feeling. I wondered just what in the net I’d gotten Linux into. I didn’t detect any malice in Quantum’s voice, but that was a small comfort when I couldn’t see.

After a few nanos I heard Quantum say, "Ready?" and an affirmative response from the group. "Let’s go!" The hands behind me started gently pushing me and I stumbled forward. Whoever was pushing me was aware that I couldn’t see and didn’t try to make me go too fast, but I almost fell a few times anyway. Have you ever tried to run or even walk blindfolded? It’s not easy, I’ll tell you that.

After a few nanos I felt cool air on my face and I knew we were outside, which for some reason made me even more afraid than I had been. I heard occasional whispers and soft laughter from the cadets in front of me, but Quantum didn’t say anything more to the group. I kept stumbling forward, and the hands kept holding me up every time I almost fell. I felt my feet on hard ground, then grass, then hard ground again.

Finally the hands grabbed my shoulders and I took that as a warning to stop, so I did. I was breathing hard, even though we hadn’t been going fast – walking blind was tough, and my heart was racing from fear and excitement. I could hear Linux breathing hard too right next to me, and hushed voices from the others. "Silence!" Quantum hissed.

I felt myself being turned to face a different direction than I had been, and then the hands left me and I was standing on my own and my elbow was bumping against what felt like Linux’ – it was trembling - and there was silence, except for my breathing and my heart and there was something else, too - someone there, just in front of my face. I could sense them more than anything else – I knew they were there, close. The silence dragged on and every nano felt like a minute, but I didn’t dare remove my blindfold.

Finally, mercifully, Quantum’s voice broke the silence. "Have you made your peace with the User, Sprouts?"

Neither Linux or I said anything right away, but it was obvious Quantum was waiting for an answer and the quiet was driving me offline. "Yes." I whispered.

"Are you prepared to face the brutal realities of the net? Are you prepared to leave your childhood behind and join the world of men?"

"Yes!" I just wanted it to be over, whatever it was – the tension was making me want to pull my hair out. The thought popped into my mind whether Lisa would still like me bald. After a nano, Linux whispered a softer "Yes" From next to me.

"Very well then. Prepare yourselves."

I felt the hands leave my shoulders and start to slowly untie the blindfold. My heart was really in turbo mode now and there was sweat running down my face. I felt the knot give but the hands held the blindfold was held in place for a nano, then two. Then it was yanked away with a whipping noise and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I saw a hairy, ugly face right in front of me and gave a little scream and I heard Linux do the same, except a little louder.

"Silence!"

"Quantum?" I gasped. It was his voice behind the face – which I could now see was a werewolf mask, like from "Dead Before Dawn" or something. A laugh rose from the rest of the group and as I stood there, trembling all over, I looked around and saw that all of them were wearing masks – dog masks, null masks, you name it. And they were all laughing.

Even Quantum was chuckling behind his werewolf mask. "Here!" He reached out his hand, and what he was holding was a monkey mask. I took it from him and stared at it as he handed a kitty-cat mask to Linux. "Don your helmets, Gentleman – our task is upon us."

I assumed from that he wanted me to put the mask on – so I did. You could see OK through the eye holes, and the first thing I saw was Linux in the kitty mask and that made me laugh, even though I was still a little scared and totally confused. "Behold!" Quantum said in an awed voice, pointing to a building a little up the hill from where we were standing. "The promised land!" I’d never seen it at night, but after a nano I recognized it – the girls’ dorm. My heart had slowed down a little, but it sped right back up again.

"Come!" Quantum took off towards the dorm at a determined pace and everyone fell in behind him. I looked at the kitty, shrugged, and jogged off after them. I realized that we were looking at the backside of the building – there were no doors. Just windows, three floors of windows, most of them spilling light out into the night. The group formed a kind of scraggly line just below the building

I got my nerve up and tugged on Quantum’s sleeve. "Quantum!" I whispered. "What are we supposed to-"

"Just follow along. And pay attention – remember, next hour it will be your solemn responsibility to lead your fellow cadets. You are the chosen one."

"O… OK." I gulped. Quantum looked down the line, like a general reviewing his troops. Finally he cupped his hands over his mouth and raised his head.

"Arise, Fair Maidens, and come to your windows!"

I just stared at Quantum, totally confused and freaked out – and I didn’t hear anything from Linux either. But after the first call the other second-hours joined in and they all shouted it again, "Arise, Fair Maidens, and come to your windows!" This happened three or four times before the first faces started appearing.

It was interesting to watch the reactions of the girls at the windows – most of them giggled, a couple of them looked shocked, one or two even mad. A couple shouted stuff back down at us that I can’t repeat. After a lot of the windows were filled with faces Quantum held up his hands, and our troops were silent.

"Greeting, Lovely Ladies."

"Greetings, Nullhead!" One of the girls shouted back, and the rest of them giggled. Quantum merely folded an arm across his belly and bowed slightly.

"Forgive us for disrupting your beauty rest, O maidens. We come on a matter of utmost importance, and beseech thee to honor our humble request." Quantum cleared his throat dramatically, and there was a nano of tense silence as I waited to see what was gonna happen. Quantum lifted his head again and shouted out in a loud, clear voice, "We want panties!"

A bunch of girls giggled and some shouted and I just stared at him, my mouth hanging open under my monkey mask. The rest of the guys took up the call – "We want panties! We want panties!" I finally looked over at Linux and he was staring back at me, and I giggled and started shouting it too. Why not?

I looked up at the dorm again. The older girls seemed to mostly be laughing, some of them hysterically. It was the younger ones who looked totally shocked. I kept shouting along with the rest of the guys and I was actually starting to get into the spirit of it, even if it was just about the stupidest thing I’ve even been involved in and I’ve been involved in some pretty stupid stuff. And then the first pair of panties came drifting down, and my voice caught in my throat a little.

A few more pairs followed, along with some swear words and a lot of laughing and even a couple of energy shakes. Some of the guys were laughing now too, but they managed to keep chanting and dodging the energy shakes and then they started to try and catch the panties as they fell and it was pretty strange but really fun, too.

I heard Linux shouting next to me and I laughed and then I saw Patch’s face in one of the windows and I thought about Lisa and oh my User, what if she saw me? But I looked around and didn’t see her, and then I looked over at Linux and back up at Patch. If he noticed her he didn’t let on. I know we had our masks on but I swear, she was staring right at us. And grinning. She didn’t throw down any panties, though.

Then something white flashed in front of my eyes, and I reached out and grabbed it and it was- Well, it’s not hard to guess what it was. Then I heard someone yelling but it wasn’t a guy’s voice, and someone came around the corner of the building. "Hey!"

"Run!" Quantum shouted, and the guys reached out and grabbed as many panties as they could and scrambled away. I froze for a nano, then I felt a hand on my collar and I stumbled and pushed myself up and started running.

"Stop!" A woman’s voice shouted – the House Master – is it House Mistress? Whoever she was, she sounded pissed off. "Stop right now!"

"Split up!" Quantum hissed, and the bunch of us exploded into little groups, stumbling down the hill and darting into the trees. I saw Linux’ mask and took off after him and ran and ran and ran until I couldn’t hear the woman’s voice anymore.

Linux and I stared at each other and I giggled, I couldn’t help it. I took my mask off and tucked it under my shirt and rested for a nano, panting. "You… OK?"

"Yeah." Linux whispered. He took off his mask. "Come on – let’s get back to the dorm! Crash, we’re gonna get in trouble…"

"Maybe." I took off at a jog, circling back towards the boys’ dorm. We occasionally saw another fugitive guy but we didn’t see the lady teacher again, and when we got back to the dorm everything was quiet. Linux and I stared at each other, caught our breath, and walked the last few nanos to the door praying no one was gonna stop us.

Once we were inside we hopped onto the elevator and neither one of us said a word until Linux unlocked the door and we were back inside our room. Once the door file locked behind us we both fell onto our beds and just laid there for a few nanos, breathing heavily. Then I looked up at Linux and he was staring back at me, and we both started laughing and we laughed for a long time. Neither one of us was able to stop until there were tears running down our faces and we were even more out of breath than we were from running.

"That was totally high-density!" Linux giggled, and fell into another laughing fit.

"Oh, Man – that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Ever! But it was so cool!"

"Dude – they were throwing energy shakes at us! One guy almost got hit!"

"Did you hear what they were yelling? I didn’t know girls used words like that!" Just thinking about it made me start laughing again, too.

"What’s that?"

"What?" Linux was pointing at my right hand. I looked down, and scrunched up in my hand was a little ball of soft white fabric. "Dude!" I’d totally forgotten it was even there in all the excitement. I dropped it on the bed and jumped up, taking a couple steps back.

"That’s… Those are girls’ panties!" Linux gasped.

I stared at my hand. "I… I guess that was the whole point, y’know?"

"But… Those are girls’ panties, Dude. And they’re on your bed!"

"Oh, User!" I tucked my hand under my left arm and groaned. "What am I, y’know… What should I do with them?"

"How should I know? You better not get caught with them – your ascii will be in big trouble!"

"So will yours!" I sat down on the far end of the bed and stared at the panties. Just being that close to them made me feel all funny and kinda ashamed. "What were we supposed to do? I mean – we went over there and asked for them and everything! What are we supposed to do with them?"

"How the web should I know?" Linux scowled. He came over and sat next to me, staring at the offending object. "What… What’d they feel like?"

"What??"

"What’d they feel like? I mean, touching them…"

I stared at them for a couple more nanos. "Soft."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really soft." Linux slowly and carefully reached his arm out and touched them for a nano, then pulled it back like they were on fire. "See?"

"Yeah. Really soft." He nodded. We sat in silence for a little while. "Wonder whose they are?"

"Dude – stop it!"

"I’m serious! I mean – they belong to somebody!"

I sighed. "I don’t know, Man. I know they’re not Patch’s."

"Patch’s?" Linux squeaked. He looked truly horrified. "Why would they be Patch’s?"

"She was there – you didn’t see her? She didn’t throw down any… You- know-whats. She didn’t throw any."

"Oh, crash it! Patch was there? Do you think she saw me?"

"Of course she saw you, Stupid. But we were wearing masks, remember?" I was pretty sure Patch knew exactly who we were, but Linux looked like he’d be happier not hearing that opinion.

"Oh yeah." Linux sighed deeply and we both sat, staring at the panties from the far end of my bed. "You think maybe we should try and give ‘em back?"

I shook my head. "No way – then we’d be sunk, they’d know we were there. Besides – I don’t think we’re supposed to. They threw them down, right?"

"I guess. So what – we keep ‘em?"

"What d’you mean, ‘we’? They’re mine – I was the one that caught ‘em!"

"Dude – take it easy! I was just-"

"Sorry! It’s been a weird night, that’s all." I reached out and carefully picked them up again, my arm shaking a little.

"Be sure and hide them good. If we get caught-"

"I know." I brought them a little closer and studied them, thinking how totally bizarre a thing it was to be doing. They were small and white, with little pink flowers on them. And they were soft. Really, really soft. After I looked at them a few nanos I stood and walked over to my footlocker, and carefully hid the panties and the monkey mask all the way down at the bottom.

"Guess they’ll be safe there." Linux said softly.

"Yeah." I shook my head and giggled. "Well – now you know what girl’s panties feel like."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You’re welcome."

"Oh yeah – thanks for asking Quantum to let me come with. Although I was ready to delete you there for a while..."

I gave him a two-handed shove in the chest and sent him sprawling on the bed. "Where’s your spirit of adventure, Cadet?"

"I think I coughed it up when I almost killed myself running away, Shithead!" He took a playful swing at me and I laughed and fell onto the bed. "Hey – your organizer’s flashing!"

"Oh, crash! Laser?"

Linux sat up, looking seriously worried. "Dude, if you get me expelled-"

"Wait – when I got called into Laser’s office last time, it beeped. Maybe this is something else."

"Well look at it and find out, Stupid!"

I punched him on the shoulder and picked up the organizer. With a deep breath I opened it and accessed the message. "It says, ‘Sender Unknown’!"

"Sender Unknown? At least it’s not Laser." Linux breathed a sigh of relief. "Cool. What’s it say?"

"Huh! That’s weird."

"What? What is it?"

"Look for yourself." I held up the screen. On it was flashing, bold and in caps,

TOMORROW

BREAKFAST

SPOILS OF WAR

"That’s it – the whole message. Basic, huh?"

"What’s it mean?"

"Dude – I get it!" I groaned. "We’re supposed to show off our trophies at breakfast in the mess hall tomorrow!"

"Our trophies?" Linux frowned. "Oh! You mean-"

"Yeah. Oh, User – if Dot finds out about this she’ll never let me live it down…"

"At least you have a trophy. What are you supposed to do with it, exactly?"

"I guess I’ll find out tomorrow." I sighed. I was still trying to get the image of Dot out of my processor. I knew she wouldn’t be too happy with me right then and besides, thinking about Dot and panties on the same night was not a happy marriage in my head.

Linux giggled. "Breakfast ought to be interesting."

"Dinner, too." I muttered.

"What?"

"Never mind. It’s not funny – stop laughing!"

"Sorry!" he laughed. "Maybe you’re supposed to wear ‘em – y’know, over your pants!"

"Log off." I thought that Bob probably could have told me all about this weird little ritual – but I wasn’t about to call and ask him. I was just gonna have to wait and find out for myself.

* * *

The first question I had to ask myself the next morning was about transportation. Just how, exactly, was I going to get my ‘spoils of war’ down to breakfast? Linux’ suggestion never even entered my mind. Eventually I settled on the simplest solution – I scrunched them up into a little ball and stuffed them in my pocket. It wasn’t perfect – it seemed kinda undignified for a ritual and besides, it felt weird having them in that general area. But I couldn’t think of any other way.

Linux was giggling constantly all the way down the elevator and all the way to the mess hall, but I wasn’t in nearly as good a mood. I could sense an embarrassing nano coming up quick, and my radar was getting better and better at detecting that kind of stuff. At least I wasn’t in it by myself, that was something…

We got our food and sat down and nothing happened for a little while, although I thought maybe there was a little more whispering than usual. I looked around for Quantum and didn’t see him and I figured nothing would happen until he got there anyway, so I started in on my breakfast.

I was about halfway finished when there was a kind of buzz in the hall, and Linux and I dropped our forks and looked around. Quantum walked in looking very pleased with himself, and all eyes in the room were on him immediately. He stomped right over to the table in the center of the room and stepped up onto it, using a chair like a staircase. He clapped his hands twice and there was total silence. "Troops – fall in!"

I looked at Linux and shrugged and he shrugged back, and I got up and started towards Quantum. "Come on!"

"I don’t have a trophy!" Linux hissed.

"Come on! He said ‘troops’ – that’s us!" Linux sighed and followed after me, looking miserable. The fifteen or so boys that had gone to ‘war’ the night before clustered around Quantum’s table, and he put his hands on his hips and stared out across the room, scowling.

"Troops! Last night was a great victory for all of us. Let us celebrate our triumph by displaying the treasures of our vanquished foes." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a frilly pair of pink panties, much fancier than the ones in mine. He held them high over his head. "Bring forth the spoils of war!"

With a sigh, I closed my eyes and reached into my pocket. When I felt the soft fabric I yanked it out and raised it over my head, and I heard Linux spluttering softly. "Behold – victory!" Quantum shouted.

"Victory!" the rest of us echoed in a kind of scraggly cheer.

Then, to my utter amazement, Quantum pulled the panties over his head like a frilly pink hat. "Let us adorn ourselves in the armor of our enemy so that we may parade before our compatriots, resplendent in all our glory!"

"Oh, User!" I moaned softly. Maybe I just thought it. I gulped and slipped the panties over my head as a roar of laughter and a few cheers rose in the mess hall. That was a very, very weird feeling, having those things on my head. Quantum took a flying leap off the table – I have to admit, it was impressive – and landed on the floor with a loud ‘thump’.

"Fall in!" He barked, and took off at a regal march. The rest of us straggled along behind him as the others in the hall hooted and cheered. That was the nano I realized there was definitely a new leader in the stupidest thing I’ve ever done category. I intentionally avoided looking at Linux, because I was pretty sure he’d be grinning his ascii off at my condition and gloating over the fact that even though he was marching, he was doing it without anything on his head.

When you’re doing something that stupid and that embarrassing, you get to the stage where you just stop caring anymore and start to enjoy it. The other guys in the hall were certainly having a good time and eventually I couldn’t help but start giggling myself. It almost felt good, ‘cause at least I was part of something and that was a feeling I hadn’t had too often in my life. We looked stupid, but we looked stupid together.

We made a couple of circuits of the hall before Quantum turned and started marching in place, which the rest of us took as our signal to stop, so we did. He reviewed us for a nano, snagged the panties from his head and held them up high again. "Troops – resume… Breakfast!" There was a loud cheer from the room, and we pulled the panties off and straggled back to our tables.

I was still shaking my head when I sat down and stuffed the panties back in my pocket. Linux laughed and pounded me on the back. "Enzo, that was absolutely alphanumeric. You have no idea how stupid you looked."

"Thanks. Thanks very much."

"You got guts, Man. I’m glad I didn’t have to walk around with those things on my head! How’d it feel?"

"How do you think?" I scowled. "Totally weird."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Quantum standing behind us. "Hey, Little Men."

"Hey." I grinned. "Is it over?"

"Is it over? It’s never over! That’s why it’s a tradition!" He knelt down between us. "Remember, as the chosen one it’s your solemn responsibility to see that the ritual is passed on next hour. I was chosen one last hour, and I pass that compact on to you now. Find another deserving sprout to pass it on to next hour. Understand?"

"Understand. I will, I promise."

"Good solider." He nodded at Linux. "You – help him, got it?"

"Yes Sir – I will."

"Don’t call me ‘Sir’ – I’m not a teacher. The solemn ritual is in your hands now, Little Men – the weight of history is on your shoulders. Can you handle it?"

"Yes, Quantum!" I nodded.

"Yes Si- Quantum."

"Good." Quantum winked at us and walked off, a bit of frilly pink spilling out of his pocket.

"Dude – he’s amazing. I’ve never met anyone like him." Linux grinned.

"I have. Maybe a little, anyways."

"Yeah? Who?"

"You know him." I smiled. "So – I was thinking we could have dinner in the great hall tonight…"

* * *

Before dinner, there was lunch. I figured it would be Lisa and my last planning session before she put her plan – which I was still totally doubtful about – into action that night. But it started out as something totally different than I expected – as usual.

Lisa was waiting for me at our usual table when I got to the mess hall. I still got a little rush of adrenaline whenever I saw her gold hair shining from across a room, and I couldn’t help smile a little. She had the most amazing physical effect on me – I could hear my heart start to pound, and my face get all flushed and my head feel light. I figured maybe it would go away after I’d seen her a bunch of times, but I guess it doesn’t work that way ‘cause it wasn’t getting any better. Thank the User.

"Hey!" I smiled and sat next to her. It was so hard not to kiss her every time I saw her that it drove me offline, but I settled for squeezing her hand. "Having a good cycle?"

"Fine, thanks." She looked at me kinda funny, with her eyebrow raised a little bit. "You?"

"OK, I guess. I had breakfast with Linux…" I decided not to tell her about what else had happened at breakfast. "I talked to him about tonight – he knows we’re having supper in the great hall."

"You didn’t tell him about Patch being there, did you?"

"No!" I frowned. "Of course not – I’m not totally basic, you know. Did you talk to Patch?"

"Oh, I talked to her all right." Lisa smiled. She stared at me for a nano, making me squirm in my chair. Her stare always did that. "Enzo, is there anything you’d like to tell me?"

"Tell you? What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know – just anything about anything. Is there?"

"No – not really." She was freaking me out – she didn’t seem mad exactly, but she was definitely hiding something. "What’s the matter? Is something wrong?"

Her face softened up a little. "I guess I’m going to have to come right out and ask you, aren’t I? You aren’t too good at all this subtle hinting stuff."

"I’m not basic, if that’s what you mean! Jeez…"

"I know you’re not, Silly. You’re just a very direct sprite, that’s all. So I’ll be direct – where were you last night, about twenty-nine hundred?"

My jaw dropped. She knew! Oh crash, she knew… "Uh…"

"I was talking to Patch – she told me some very interesting things happened on her side of the dorm building last night."

"Interesting?" I just wanted to stall for time for a nano, think. Maybe she didn’t know I was there – we had been wearing masks after all! "Um – interesting how?"

Lisa’s eyes were burning holes in me. "She said a bunch of boys were outside, wearing silly masks and shouting and yelling and making asciis out of themselves. She said they were asking for panties, and some of the girls even threw some down. She said some of them even seemed to enjoy it. They called it a ‘panty-raid’."

"Oh. That is interesting." I said weakly.

"Isn’t it. She also said that two of the boys were quite short. Smaller than the others. So I was just wondering if-"

"I was there." I sighed. I couldn’t lie to her – I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to.

"Enzo!" Lisa pursed her lips at me and shook her head. "I can’t believe it – how could you get involved in something like that?"

"It’s not that big a deal, is it? We were just goofing around."

"Is that what you call it? I call it degrading and insulting and infantile, that’s what I call it!" She crossed her arms and looked away. "I really thought you were different than all of them Enzo, I really did…"

"I am different, Lisa!" I protested. "What’s the big deal about a stupid prank? You said yourself some of the girls liked it-"

"That’s their problem if they like being treated like sex programs instead of sprites. I’m so disappointed in you-"

"That’s not fair!" This was a new thing for me – I actually felt mad at Lisa for the first time. I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t deny it. It was a struggle to keep my voice down. "All we did was go over to the dorm and yell up at them for a few nanos, and most of ‘em laughed! They’ve been doing it at the Academy forever – even Bob did it!"

"I just don’t like you acting like a stupid boy…"

"But I am a boy! You… Crash!" I took a couple of deep breaths. "I have to try and fit in here, spammit. I’m a guy – I’m not allowed to do guy stuff? I’d never do anything where people were getting hurt or anything, you know. Never!"

"Maybe you don’t think so Enzo, but that was really a dumb thing to do! It was insulting and stupid and what if you’d gotten caught?"

"So – I’m not allowed to ever do dumb stuff or you won’t like me?" I sighed. "I don’t have a chance, then…"

"That’s not what I mean – of course I won’t stop liking you. I… I just-"

"Look – I’m really sorry if I, you know, offended you. I admit - I thought it was pretty stupid even while I was doing it! But it was fun, too – I’ve never had a chance to do guy stuff before – y’know? With guys my own age. And I really liked it and I don’t think I should have to apologize to you for it. So I… So I won’t. Not again, anyway."

"Oh, Enzo…" Lisa shook her head and poked at her lunch. After a few nanos she looked up at me. "It’s not that I don’t want you to have fun or be a guy – I just wish you wouldn’t be a stupid one."

"I can’t help it, I guess. I didn’t plan it or anything – it just happened." I was still a little mad at Lisa, but now I was moving back towards just wanting her to love me. I grabbed her hand. "You know I’d never do anything if it was really bad – right? Like what those nulls did to me in the shower. I’d never do anything if I thought someone was really gonna get hurt or feel bad."

"I know." She smiled. "I know you wouldn’t. You couldn’t. I just hate thinking of you doing the same stuff as those stupid nullheads. I hate thinking of you liking it even more. But I guess you can’t help being stupid if you’re a boy."

I guess I should’ve been insulted, but I just laughed. "I’m not as stupid as most of them. Neither is Linux."

"Well…" Lisa giggled. "Maybe he wasn’t as stupid as I figured. Patch actually thought it was kinda cool that he was out there, if you can believe that. I think she figured he was kind of a dork before."

"Dude – really? That’s pixelacious!"

"Well – the whole thing is pretty bizarre to me, but if she liked it I guess it makes our job tonight a little easier." She grinned and tapped my nose. "She still likes you, though, Mister Panty-boy – and we’ll have to work on that later."

"Not too much, though – I don’t want her to hate me or anything! She’s nice. And it’s good to have friends around here."

"Yeah – I guess so." Lisa sighed.

I gave her hand a good squeeze. "So – we’re OK now?"

"Yeah – we’re OK, Cutie. We always were."

"Pixelacious!" I wanted so much to hug her and kiss her that I actually bounced up and down in my seat a little bit. Finally I couldn’t help myself and pecked her on the cheek. "User, you’re beautiful."

"Enzo – don’t! What if a teacher sees?"

"Sorry." I mumbled. "I couldn’t help it. Uh… Lover."

"What?" Lisa said stiffly.

"Um – I just… My brother and AndrAIa call each other that sometimes. I thought maybe I could have a name for you since you’re my girlfriend and all…"

"Well – don’t." Lisa scowled. Pushed it too far… I felt like kicking myself – somehow I just couldn’t help saying the dumb thing sometimes. "Your brother and AndrAIa are how old?"

"Well – 2.5 or so-"

"Then they can call each other anything they want. But that name has certain… Implications. So don’t call me that anymore."

"Sorry." I whispered. "I didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t think about that." Of course I did think about "that" sometimes – but I hadn’t been thinking of it just then.

"I know." Lisa squeezed my hand. "It’s OK."

"It’s just – you call me "Cutie" and I kinda really like it and I just thought I should have a name for you…"

She grinned. "I call you "Cutie" ‘cause you’re cute, Cutie!"

"Well – maybe I should call you "Beautiful" then. Since "Most beautiful sprite in the net" would take too long to say."

"Oh, Enzo – stop that." Now she was blushing for a change.

"It’s true – you are. So can I call you "Beautiful"?"

"If you want." She smiled and looked down. "I think it’s just dumb – I’m not very beautiful at all-"

"You are." I gave her hand a good hard squeeze and wished for the millionth time that microsecond I could kiss her properly. "Just seeing you makes me happy. You’re totally perfect."

"Thank you." She said softly. I could tell this was making her really uncomfortable because she was still blushing and she didn’t look up at me. "Let’s talk about tonight, OK? You’re sure Linux will be there?"

"Yeah – sure." I sighed. "He’s always up to do stuff. And he doesn’t have a clue about Patch."

Lisa looked at me at last. "Make sure you give us a little extra time before you show up, OK? I want to plant a few files in Patch’s processor. Maybe last night helped a little bit, who knows."

"I will. Do you really think this will work?"

"Well – I hope so." She smiled. "Poor Linux – he seems so sad every time I see him."

"Yeah." I nodded. "I hope so too – those guys are great. They really came through for me when I needed ‘em. And if they like each other maybe they’ll be a millionth as happy as I am ‘cause of you. That’s pretty happy."

"Stop it, you." Lisa giggled.

"I wish we were alone. I wanna kiss you so bad…"

"You boys are all alike!"

"I can’t help it." I whispered. Sometimes a feeling would come over me and I wanted Lisa so much I could hardly stand it, and it was happening right then. "Sorry, I just can’t. You’re so utterly amazing…"

"Thank you. And stop it! Eat your lunch." She was blushing again.

I’d totally forgotten about my food. It just didn’t seem important. "OK. But I still wish we were alone so I could kiss you. Beautiful."

"Maybe later." I froze with my fork halfway up to my mouth. I’ve heard about sprites having a glint in their eye but this was the first time I could be sure I was actually seeing it. I finished my lunch but needless to say, my thoughts were on other things and they stayed there all cycle.

* * *

I think Linux started to get a little suspicious before we went to the great hall for dinner – although I don’t think he had a clue what he was suspicious about. It’s just that I was a acting a little weird – I was nervous about what Lisa was trying to pull off and I wanted to make sure I didn’t screw it up before she had the chance.

Because I was nervous I did some stupid stuff – like asking Linux "We’re still going to the great hall for dinner, right?" about three times, and when I had to stall for time so we wouldn’t get there too early I think I was pretty clumsy about it. But like I said, Linux didn’t have a clue what to be suspicious about so all he did was give me a few weird looks and that was it.

"I don’t see why we couldn’t just eat dinner in the boys’ dorm like we always do." Linux grumbled as we were zipping over.

"Uh – well, we always do. Like you said. Don’t you ever feel like doing something different?"

"What’s different? It’s the same basic food!"

"I guess. But… But the sprites are different. And they have different tables and stuff…"

"Whee! Different tables." He looked at me suspiciously. "Maybe you just want to stare at girls while you eat or something. You have a girlfriend, Enzo. Lucky bastard."

I started to sweat – that was uncomfortably close to the truth. I decided to change the subject. "Lisa and I had a fight today."

"A fight? Crash – about what?"

"Well – I guess she found out where I was last night. You know – the panty raid. And she didn’t like it too much."

Linux tried to look sad, but then he giggled a little. "Sorry, Dude – was she really mad?"

I punched him on the shoulder. "Thanks a lot. She was at first – but she’s cool. I told her we were just having fun and we didn’t hurt anybody and we didn’t plan on doing it, it just happened. She was OK after a few nanos."

"Did you kiss her?"

"Not in the mess hall, Stupid!" I neglected to mention the peck on the cheek – that wasn’t a real kiss. "Besides – I’m not allowed to tell anymore, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." He looked disappointed.

"I really, really wanted to though." I sighed. "Crash, she is such a total babe…"

"Go ahead – rub it in. That’s real nice."

"Sorry. But you’ll have a girlfriend pretty soon I bet."

Linux laughed in a kind of choking way. "All the rest of the male cadets are leaving? High density!"

"Shut up, Man! Don’t be such an output – I bet girls like you fine."

"No they don’t. They think I’m a pathetic loser."

"Stop it!" We were outside the great hall now, and this wasn’t exactly going like I’d hoped. "Dude, I only know two girls anyways – Patch and Lisa. And I know they both think you’re alphanumeric."

"I still think you’re shittin’ me about Patch." Linux mumbled.

"Hey – I know what I saw, that’s all. C’mon – let’s get some food." We stood in line and I made sure I was behind Linux, so I could look around for the others. I finally spotted them at a table off in a corner. I waved for a few nanos and finally Lisa spotted me and made eye contact. I was worried that we’d gotten there too early, but she gave me a thumb’s up.

Linux got his food before I did and started heading for an empty table. "Wait!" I shouted out.

"Wait for what? There’s a line, you know!" the service binome scowled.

"Sorry!" I quickly grabbed my tray and started after Linux. "Wait, Man! There’s Lisa and Patch over in the corner – let’s go sit with them."

He jerked his head over to where I was pointing. "Crash. I don’t want to."

"Why?"

"I just don’t, OK? Here’s an empty table."

"I can’t do that – Lisa would be pissed at me! She’s right over there!"

"So go then!" Linux mumbled.

"No, Dude – then you’d be by yourself, that’s no good."

"Enzo, I don’t care. Just go-"

"Guys! Hey, guys!" I shouted and waved, and Patch turned around and both girls waved at us.

"There – they know we’re here. Now we have to go over or they’ll think we’re total nullheads." I smiled.

"You output! I don’t-"

"Just come on!" I got behind him and gave him a little push with my boot. "Just be nice to her, OK? That’s why she likes you – ‘cause you’re nice."

"Byte me." Linux hissed. I could tell he was really ticked off at me, but that didn’t worry me half as much as how ticked off Lisa would be if I couldn’t get him over there. He at least tried to fake a smile as we got closer to the girls. "Uh… Hi you guys."

"Hi Linux. Hey, Enzo." Lisa grinned. "Have a seat." Linux hesitated for a split-nano, and I darted into the chair next to Lisa so he’d have to sit next to Patch.

"Hi, Enzo." Patch smiled at me. I nodded nervously. They she looked over at Linux and she was still smiling. "Hi there."

"Oh! Uh… Hi." Linux replied, turning red as Frisket. "What’s processing?"

"Oh, not much. So – what’d you guys do last night?"

I didn’t think he could, but Linux turned even redder and I started to blush too, I think. Linux didn’t say anything right away and I started to answer her, but Lisa squeezed my hand – hard – and I winced and shut up. "Um… Nothing much." Linux finally mumbled.

"I hear we have some bad boys on campus." Lisa giggled. I wasn’t sure exactly where she was going, but I figured my best bet was to keep my input shut.

"I dunno." Linux shrugged with a goofy smile.

"Yeah – apparently there was quite a disturbance outside the girls’ dorm last night – everyone is talking about it. Unfortunately I was on the wrong side of the building and I missed it. Did you see anything, Patch?"

"Actually, I did. There were a bunch of loud boys down there wearing masks, and some of the girls were throwing panties at them. Can you imagine?"

"Wow." Linux mumbled.

"I saw the cutest little kitty and monkey out there. The monkey even caught a pair of panties before our house master chased them off. Did you boys see anything?"

"Um… I-"

"We were there." I offered, catching on. Linux shot me a dirty look.

"Enzo!" Lisa pretended to be horrified. "I can hardly believe such a thing! Why would nice boys like you get involved in something like that?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I guess it seemed like it’d be fun. I was actually pretty scared the whole time but Linux was totally cool and into it."

"Dude – that’s so not true! I-"

"Linux is always better under pressure than me. Like that time in Laser’s office – I was totally scared, but he was cool and he knew exactly what to do. You too, Patch."

"Guess its ‘cause of his brother getting infected, and living in the Supercomputer and everything. He’s used to dangerous stuff like that." Lisa added.

"Yeah – he‘s used to this stuff. Mainframe’s a pretty small system, nothing exciting ever happens there. So I guess I panic a little bit when it does here."

Linux was looking totally bewildered by this point. "Spam – what about all that stuff with your-"

"I guess you lived in the Supercomputer too, didn’t you?" Lisa asked Patch.

"Uh-huh. From when I was 0.8 till 1.2."

"Really?" Linux talked directly to Patch now, for the first time. "I was there when I was 0.9. For almost three hours."

"Yeah? What school did you go to?"

"Uh… Celeron, and then one hour at Cyrix Junior High. Until we had to bug out after… You know. The bad stuff."

"Crash – Cyrix, really?" Patch grinned. "I went to AMD – we used to play you in football!"

"Yeah – I remember! I remember we beat you 57-3 in our homepagecoming game, too."

"Hey!" Patch scowled and poked Linux in the chest. "You got lucky – our best player was hurt that minute."

"A lot more of ‘em were hurt after that minute."

"Ow!"

I’d been fascinated by the sudden turn in the conversation – basically the existence of a conversation – between Patch and Linux, but I immediately focused in on Lisa. "What’s wrong? What is it?"

"Nothing, I’m sure." She winced, holding her side. "I just had a sudden pain in my stomach, that’s all. These ram chips must not agree with me."

"Are… Are you OK?" Before I knew it my hand was on her shoulder and I was leaning close to her, breathing hard.

"Yeah – I’m fine. I think I’d better go home, though – I should go to bed. Enzo, will you walk me?"

Oh! "Er – sure, no problem. I’ll take you home. Don’t worry, everything will be OK."

"Thanks." Lisa smiled weakly and pushed herself up from her chair with a groan. I grabbed her under the shoulders and helped her up, just to make it look good. And if it also felt good, so what?

"Wait!" Linux looked panicky all of a sudden. "Don’t go! We-"

"I think I’d better – my stomach just doesn’t feel right."

"Maybe I… I should go with you-"

"Don’t be silly! He’s such a gentleman, isn’t he Patch? I’ll be fine with Enzo – we’ll manage. Besides, you’ve barely started eating. I’m sure Patch will keep you company." She whispered in my ear. "Go!"

"Right! Let’s get you home." We were already walking towards the door. "See you guys later."

"Bye." Patch called out. "Feel better."

"Yeah." Linux added softly. Lisa and I waved and we kept going, my arm around her shoulder. I was sure Patch and Linux must’ve had an idea what was happening, but neither one of them called us out on it. Maybe that was a good sign.

"You can let me go now." Lisa smiled, as soon as were outside the mess hall.

"Huh?"

"You can let go now – I’ll walk on my own."

Only then did I realize my hands were still around her shoulders. "Oh! Sorry."

"That’s OK." She giggled. "I kinda liked it, but we don’t want people to get the wrong idea."

"No – of course not." I sighed. I grabbed her hand and we walked out into the cool night. "So – I guess that went pretty OK, huh?"

"I guess so. It’s up to Linux now – if he acts like a jerk or something it’ll all be over in a nano. I just figured it was time for them to be on their own."

"You sure are smart!" I grinned. "What’d you say to Patch before we got there – your ‘sales pitch’? I hope you didn’t tell her I was a virus or something."

"No! I just talked Linux up a little bit."

"Talked him up how?"

She shrugged. "I just told her what a nice guy he was, and I said he was totally hot. And I told her that when I met you guys, Linux was the one I was really into – but he liked her, so it wouldn’t work. And then I sort of got to like you after I knew I couldn’t have him."

"Oh. That was smart."

I guess I must have looked really pathetic when she said that. "Aw… I didn’t mean it, I promise! I knew you were the one from that first nano."

"Really?"

"Promise." She grinned and patted my cheek. "Linux is nice, but I think you’re the real hottie."

"Thanks, Beautiful. You too."

"Cutie…"

"Crash!"

"What is it?"

"Well… I hardly got to touch my dinner. I’m still hungry! And we can’t go into town either, it’s a school night."

"Poor baby." She giggled. "Well – why don’t you just go back to the boys’ dorm and eat there?"

"No – I want to be with you. I guess I’ll just be hungry."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I’m sorry, Cutie. Maybe we can find some way to take your processor off it."

"Oh, User!" I sighed. "Can we please go somewhere so I can kiss you? I’m going offline!"

"Enzo! I’ve never seen you like this."

"I know. I just… I’ve been thinking about kissing you all cycle and I’m going crazy. Don’t you wanna kiss me?"

"Well… Sure." Lisa smiled. "I’m just wondering what’s gotten into you, that’s all."

"Nothing. I just wanna kiss you. Can we?"

"Sure. But where?"

"Um…" After a couple nanos I remembered our run from the panty-raid back to our dorm the night before. "There’s some directory trees at the bottom of the hill not far the girl’s dorm – how about there?"

"Well…"

"C’mon!" I tugged on her hand. "Just look at it, OK? There’s hardly any sprites there and it’s real dark. It’s perfect!"

"All right, all right! Show me." Lisa sighed. I grinned and took off at a jog, still holding her hand. All I could think about was in a few nanos maybe I’d be kissing her. I’ve never wanted anything else in quite the same way in my life.

We were both a little out of breath by the time we got to the little patch of trees at the bottom of the hill. There weren’t that many of them but they were thickly clustered, and when we standing in the center no one would have known we were there unless they were almost right next to us. We could only see little patches of light from the dorm windows up the hill. We took a few nanos to catch our breath, then I smiled at her. "Well? Is this OK?"

Lisa looked around a few times. "Yes - I think so. As long as no one walks in on us."

"They won’t, I promise."

"OK, then." She laughed softly. She settled down on the grass, cross-legged. "I just don’t know what’s gotten into you today, Enzo!"

"Sorry." I whispered. I sat in front of her and crossed my legs. "If you don’t want to, it’s OK-"

"No – I want to."

"Really?" She nodded. "Cool! I don’t know why, I’ve just been thinking about you so much it’s making me basic. You’re just so beautiful and so nice…"

"I think about you too, you know." Lisa said softly. She grabbed my hand and brushed my forearm with the back of her other one, back and forth. It felt wonderful.

"You really do? You think about me?"

"Yes." She leaned in and kissed my cheek gently.

"Alphanumeric." She smiled and started to move her lips towards mine, but I put my hand on her cheek. "Hang on a nano?"

"What’s wrong?"

"Nothing. I just want to look at you first, OK?"

"Enzo!" she blushed. I really did just want to look at her – I needed to. It was like I had to slow down and convince myself that she was real. I just sat there and stared at her eyes, I don’t know for how long. "Enzo…"

"OK. I’m ready." I put my hands on her shoulders and felt hers on my ribcage, under my arms. Relax – just relax! I told myself. I could kind of feel my whole system overheating and I desperately wanted to slow down, ‘cause I knew already that kissing her and everything felt better when I took it slowly instead of rushing it. But her lips were getting closer and closer to mine and my processor was running faster and faster and before I knew it, it was happening – we were kissing.

"Mmmmm." My heart started thumping like crazy and it was just… Explosive. I can’t think of a better word. Every time I kissed Lisa was wonderful and different, but this time her kiss just seemed to shoot through my whole body and I was glad I was sitting down, because if I’d been standing I might’ve fallen and not only because of that either.

After we’d kissed for a long time – with a few short breaths thrown in just for fun – I pulled Lisa to me and hugged her really hard. She tucked her head under my chin and I kissed her hair, over and over. At that nano the thought of not having her as my girlfriend was scarier than a web full of Daemons. "Enzo… That was wonderful."

As for me, basic as it sounds I couldn’t even talk for a while. It was like she’d taken all the air out of my lungs when she kissed me and all I could do was sit there and hug her, so that’s exactly what I did. It was very quiet out among those trees at night, and I could hear my heart thumping in my chest, and a little wind in the trees, and I could smell her hair and even though it was cool outside we were sweating a little and I could smell that, too. I could see a little sheen on her neck in the pale light, just a tiny shine against the smooth teal. Her skin was so close to my lips and I wanted desperately to lower my head just a little, and kiss her there, taste her skin – but I didn’t. I was afraid – I knew that somehow that was totally different than what we’d been doing, something new, and I just wasn’t ready for it.

So instead I just held her for a long time, hugged her against me as the night got darker and darker and kissed her hair sometimes and loved how soft and warm she felt against me. And finally, once I felt strong enough and had enough air back inside me, I took her face in my hands and stared at her for a nano and kissed her on the nose, and then kissed her on the lips again and felt the fire shooting through me.

It’s amazing how fast time goes by when you’re hugging and kissing a pretty girl – once we’d done our second round of kissing it was almost lights out. In more ways than one. I walked Lisa back up to her front door and since there was no one around by this time, I dared to give her a good-night kiss, short but sweet. "Night."

"Night Enzo. Sleep tight."

"I’ll miss you." I sighed. She smiled and patted my cheek, then disappeared into the girls’ dorm. I stared at the door for a nano, then turned for home.

I wanted to take a long, slow walk back to my dorm and think about everything I was feeling, but I couldn’t ‘cause of the time – getting caught out after L.O. is a bad file. So I zipped back and headed straight up to my room, Lisa still taking up pretty much my whole RAM.

Linux was in bed when I got back there and I was a little shocked for a nano, like I’d forgotten there was anyone else in the net except Lisa and me. Of course as soon as I saw him I was curious about how his evening had gone, but I didn’t wanna come right out and ask him. "Hey."

"Hey."

I kicked off my boots off and ‘booted into my shorts and t-shirt and flopped down on the bed. "How was… You know. You and Patch?"

Linux raised himself onto his elbow and stared at me. "You kissed her again, did you?"

"What?"

He smiled a little. "Lisa. I can tell – you get this spacy look on your face like you aren’t all there. It must be pretty amazing."

"Uh…" The memory of how mad Lisa had gotten was still vivid in my processor and I didn’t want to admit anything, but I guess it wasn’t my fault if Linux could guess it on his own. As for me, I wanted to change the subject before I got into any more trouble. "Yeah. It’s pretty good. Did you and Patch have fun?"

"We didn’t kiss, if that’s what you mean." Linux sighed and leaned back with his hands behind his head.

"Sorry, Dude. Was it OK, though?"

"It was OK. We talked for a while and I didn’t make a total ascii of myself – at least I don’t think I did. I guess that’s progress. We have a lot in common…"

"Definitely." I grinned. "So it was cool? You gonna see her again?"

"I dunno. Maybe. I hope so – she’s really cute."

"Yeah – she is. Ask her out again – she’ll say yes!"

"Well – we might go see a quicktime in town this minute-end, so I-"

"Dude – that’s pixelacious!" I laughed. "You work fast!"

"Shut up. It’s just a quicktime."

"Whatever. It’s still pixelacious, though."

"Yeah, I guess." He deleted his light. "You wanna double, maybe?"

"Um – double what?"

"Double-date, stupid!" he giggled. "I keep forgetting you don’t know any of this stuff. You wanna double-date?"

"I’ll ask Lisa – it sounds cool."

"Might be better for me. First date and everything…" he said softly. "I’m gonna crash – lights out. C ya in the morning."

"Yeah – C ya." I sighed. "Crash – I have all this stupid homework and I haven’t done any of it! Too much other stuff going on, it’s not fair." I turned on my organizer.

"Life’s not fair, Dude. Night."

"Night."

"I know what you did, you know." Linux grumbled.

"Huh?"

"I know what you guys did. You and Lisa. I’m not basic."

"Oh." Well, that didn’t come as any big surprise. "Sorry Linux, we-"

"It’s OK. Thanks."

"Oh! Cool." I grinned. "Any time."

"Night, Nullhead."

"Night, Output."

I worked on my homework for a little while, feeling guilty that I’d been kinda neglecting my studying. The last thing in the net I wanted was to have everyone be disappointed in me, but somehow it turned out there was a lot more to life at the Academy than I’d expected. I resolved – not for the first time – that I was really gonna crack down and start studying hard.

Problem was, I was having a real hard time concentrating. No matter how much I tried to focus on COBOL syntax or game-sprite subgroups I kept drifting to Lisa. She was everywhere inside my head, wherever I looked. It felt like she was inside my whole body.

After a while of staring motionless at the screen on my organizer, I finally gave up on my homework for the night. I shut down my organizer and deleted my light and lay there in the dark, listening the slow ‘thump’ of my heart and Linux’ soft snores coming from the other side of the room, and I couldn’t fall asleep.

As I lay there a new feeling came over me, something powerful and different than anything I’d never experienced before. See, from the first nano I ever saw Lisa I knew she was beautiful, and I never stopped knowing it whenever I thought about her. But this was different. I don’t know whether it was the panty-raid or wanting to kiss her all cycle or the incredible memory of actually kissing her a few millis earlier, or some combination of all of them. But somehow they all built and built up on themselves and overwhelmed me and I felt an incredible, agonizing desire for Lisa. My whole body ached with it. It was terrible and wonderful, all at the same time.

For those nanos as I lay there in the dark I was a man, not a boy. What I felt inside me was as powerful as anything any man had ever felt, I knew it. Some part of me knew it was wrong to think about Lisa that way but I couldn’t help it, I was consumed by it until it was all I was, this incredible longing for her that grew and grew and grew until it actually made me cry a little.

I burrowed under my covers and my whole body was tingling. I could feel every thread of the blanket and every beat of my heart and I felt totally and completely alive. My body responded in a way it never had before, like the dream I’d had about Lisa but more powerful, more awesome because I was awake, almost painfully awake. Just a touch sent explosions through me, almost making me cry out. I had some idea that these things happened, that they were possible, but no talk from Bob or anything else could have prepared me for how devastating they could be.

I let the feelings build and build, needing to help them along only a little bit, and I got more and more terrified and more and more excited at the same time. I couldn’t have stopped if I’d wanted to – the feelings just grew and became more and more thrilling and any logical thoughts I might have had were totally irrelevant. It was just about loving Lisa and wanting her desperately and incredible sensations coursing through my body until it was all too much and it overwhelmed me and I think I did cry out, just a little – more like a whimper than anything else – and the most incredible sensation of all washed over me and all I could see were stars dancing in front of my eyes.

Afterwards I lay there, not moving, for a long time. My breath was coming in quick gasps and my heart was pounding and I just listened to them, felt them slow little by little as a strange lightness filled my head. I remember being utterly amazed that my puny body could make feelings like that, something so powerful and wonderful and scary. A part of me tried to be ashamed, wanted to feel guilty for what had happened, but that was buried a long way inside me for the nano. I was tired, but it was kind of pleasant – I could feel the tiredness pushing me gently to sleep. I heard Linux’ snoring and was vaguely relieved that he hadn’t woken up.

As I drifted off Lisa was still in my processor, but it was different now – not the intense, almost painful feeling of wanting her badly like before – it was more of a pleasant knowledge of how wonderful she was, how much I loved her and how lucky I was. It was soothing, and between that wonderful image of her face and the soft fog that had fallen over me I fell blissfully asleep in a few nanos.

Read Part 5 | Back to Guardian Blues