Guardian Blues
By Dan Green

Part 2

Once Bob was gone a tremendous feeling of loneliness came over me, worse than I’ve ever felt in my life. I sat down and leaned against the staff building and put my head in my hands for a while. I cried a little bit, just to get it out of my system as much as I could, but mostly I just hid from the world and felt sorry for myself.

Finally I was cried out and self-pitied out and I just didn’t have anything left to give. I just felt tired. I pushed myself to my feet and trudged back to the boys’ dorm, which was kinda on the other end of the campus so it was a pretty long walk. It was probably better that it was. I wiped my eyes as best I could and went inside.

I saw Quantum coming out of the rec room as I was walking towards the elevator, and I felt a little surge of fear for a nano. He glanced over at me and pointed. “Enzo. Right?”

“Yeah.” I rasped, hiding my face. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He didn’t say anything else, just stared at me kinda thoughtfully as I was waiting for the elevator and even a little bit as I was riding up to the third floor. It made me nervous, but I felt so beat down that I didn’t even care after a nano. As soon as I got off the elevator he was out of my processor.

I walked into the room and Linux was sitting cross-legged on his bed, looking at his organizer. He looked up at me and didn’t smile. “Hey. Have fun?”

“Yeah, it was OK.” I said softly. Maybe he was a little mad at me. I kicked off my boots and laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. After a milli or so I rolled over and opened them, and saw my organizer flashing on my desk. “What’s that?”

“You got an assignment downloaded.” Linux said. “Homework. I got a couple too.”

“Oh.” I sighed. I let it blink for a nano, then sat up and grabbed it.

“Hey Dude - you OK?”

I looked up, surprised. “Huh?”

“You OK?” You don’t look too good.”

For some reason hearing him say that made we want to cry again but I held it off, thank the User. “Yeah, thanks. I’m…. Fine.”

“Bob left, huh?”

“Yeah.” I whispered.

He smiled. “Sorry. You gonna be all right?”

“Yeah. Yeah! I… I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to come with us tonight, I… It was his last night and everything-”

“Dude - that’s OK. No big deal.” He came over and sat next to me. “You’ve never been away before, huh?”

“No. Never.”

“It’s different with my Dad - he hardly notices I’m gone. But I miss my Mom - and my big brother. It gets easier though.”

“Yeah?” I whispered.

“Sure, promise. Just hang in, OK?”

“Thanks.”

“NP.”

“Remember… Remember our promise, OK?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” He punched me on the shoulder. “The only thing you’ve gotta worry about is surviving Mouse’s class.”

“Thanks!” I giggled. “Thanks…”

“Sure. You gonna check out your assignment or what?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “In a few. I’m gonna go grab a shower first.”

“Cool. Hang in there.”

“I will.” I punched him back and managed a grin, and headed for the showers feeling just a little better. Bob was gone, but in a way I wasn’t alone - there were a lot of other kids here in the same file as me, more or less. I wondered if any of them felt as lonely and afraid as I did, though…

By the time I got back to the room Linux was already asleep - too much stress and too little sleep the night before, just like me. I was about ready to bail myself - it had been an exhausting cycle, and crying always wears me out anyways. But I downloaded the homework assignment first and felt a little proud of myself for being so mature. It was easy - just a chapter in the games recognition manual. I read it and set the organizer aside, and deleted the light.

Weary as I was, it took a long time for me to fall asleep. I kept thinking of Bob and Dot, so far away they might as well have been in a different net. I thought of them playing with Mac and laughing and smiling and it was a little too much for me. I buried my face in my pillow and tried to think of anything else so I could sleep. When I woke up, I’d be truly on my own - I’d be responsible for myself at last. Wasn’t that what I’d wanted all along - to be treated as a grown-up? Now that I’d finally gotten there I wasn’t so sure…

* * *

I had a little bit of a hard time concentrating on my classes the next morning.

I don’t want it to sound like I was bored with the Academy after one cycle - I definitely wasn’t. And I wanted so badly to be able to bear down and concentrate at will, whenever I needed - heck, Bob has been teaching me concentration exercises since I was 0.1. But my processor still has a tendency to shoot off at breakneck speed whenever and wherever it wants - it’s like a way for it to remind me I’m still a little kid whenever I get too confident in myself.

At first, my head still felt a little muzzy from all of the emotion I’d put myself through the night before, sorta like Matrix the cycle after one too many I/O shots. Then, once I’d shaken that off a little, Bob and Dot started to creep into my head at a nano’s notice. I’d be sitting in class trying to concentrate, and then all of a sudden I’d see them - and they always looked happy and content, and I was never in the picture. That wasn’t easy to ignore right away - I’d have to actively try and push them out of there so I could get back to thinking about class.

That pretty much took me through my first two classes - which were game recognition and creative writing. Yes, I know what you’re thinking - but even now the Academy still made a commitment that they were gonna give the kids there a general education and not just a Guardian one. Unfortunately. What that meant was that we had to suffer through some classes like writing and algebra and COBOL programming to get to the good ones like fighting viruses and defending games and kicking bitmap generally. The only good thing is that most of those classes were in hour one.

There - see? I did it again! My processor took me off in a totally different direction than I started out - I was supposed to be talking about my concentration on that second cycle of classes. Anyways, by the end of my second class I was getting generally frustrated with myself and I was glad the third one was physical conditioning. Getting out in the fresh air and running and jumping around sounded like a pretty good idea.

Right as we were doing our stretching exercises an idea started to form itself in my head. I had lunch at the same time as yesterday. If I went to the same mess at the same time and sat at the same table, maybe she’d be there again. Maybe we could even make it a regular thing - have lunch together every cycle and talk about our classes and stuff. That’d be so cool!

“Mister Matrix? Am I disturbing you?”

I looked up and felt my face go red. “What?”

Mr. Bernoulli was staring at me, and he didn’t look happy. All of a sudden I realized I was by myself. “The rest of us are running laps, Mister Matrix - perhaps you can find time in your busy schedule to join us?” A huge laugh went up from the rest of the group, who were already almost halfway down the field.

I bounced to my feet and stared hard at the ground, feeling my cheeks burning. “Yes Sir! Sorry, Sir! I… I was-”

“Perhaps you’ll also find time to run an extra lap, Cadet - that would be three for you.”

“Yes, Sir!” I sprinted to catch up with the rest of the group, who were still chuckling. I avoided making eye contact with anyone and just followed along behind the pack, but after I finished the first lap I was already starting to wish for that energy I’d had to spend catching up. It really wasn’t fair - I had to make a bunch of extra strides every time around that field because my legs were so much shorter than a lot of the other kids. But they weren’t about to slow down, so I had no choice but to keep up. This part of the Academy wasn’t going to be getting any easier for a while. By the end of my second lap I was really sucking wind.

It got worse, though - I still had an extra lap to do because I’d gone basic at the beginning. So not only did I have to run another circuit of that field - which was a pretty deleted big field - but I had to do it with everyone watching me and I felt every pair of eyes, believe me. It was nasty.

There was no way I was gonna give up on that lap - absolutely no way, not with everyone watching. I was tired and my chest was burning but I was determined not to give up in front of them. Every step seemed to last a minute but I was getting there, little by little. When I’d wound my way around again I was running by the others, who were sprawled out on the grass, watching me. Most of them were laughing or heckling me or ignoring me altogether. That’s when I saw her.

She was in my phys ed class - I suppose I should’ve known it from yesterday, but it didn’t occur to me until I saw her golden hair shining in the daylight. She wasn’t laughing - she saw me looking at her and smiled. I shook the sweat out of my eyes and tried to smile back as best I could. I kept eye contact with her as long as I could without it looking freaky, then I finally turned back to the world in front of me and realized I’d finished my penalty lap at last. I put my hands on my knees and wheezed for all I was worth.

“Thank you very much for endorsing the program, Mister Matrix. Now - everyone please follow me to the weight room, and I’ll introduce you to some of the training equipment we have at our disposal. And Mister Matrix - today, if you would?” Another laugh from the crowd. I was really beginning to dislike Mr. Bernoulli.

I looked for her as I panted for breath, following the other kids inside to the weight rooms, but she was lost in the jumble of gangly arms and legs and giggling faces. Being around so many kids in such close quarters was definitely a little scary, and the thought of trying to keep up with the big guys on weight machines was even scarier. It wasn’t so bad on that first cycle, though - Mr. Bernoulli mostly just showed us the various training machines and how they worked.

The worst part was afterwards. I was super-sweaty from all that sprinting and if my plan worked, I would be sitting next to the teal girl in a few millis. That was not good. If it’d been a light workout like yesterday that’d be OK, but… There were showers near the weight rooms but they’d be packed with kids. That was even worse.

So I did the only thing I could and made a dash for the boys’ dorms, and hoped there’d be no one else in those showers when I got there. I ‘booted out of my clothes and set my icon down on the bench in the stall farthest from the door, and took the quickest, scariest shower of my life up till then. I lucked out - no one else showed up and I managed to get dried and dressed and outside with more than half of my lunch break still left.

I ran to the great hall as fast as I dared without breaking into a sweat again, but it wouldn’t have mattered - as soon as I saw her I started sweating anyways. She was sitting by herself - there were a couple of other kids at the table but she didn’t seem to be talking to them. She was totally focused on her lunch, just like she’d been the cycle before. I grabbed a tray and got some food - I hardly paid attention to what I was ordering - and started towards her table.

A funny thing happened then - I was walking towards her sorta sidelong, and my legs all of a sudden stopped working. I stood there for a couple of nanos, just frozen, but I couldn’t seem to get my feet to take another step. The only part of me moving was my hands - I could tell they were shaking because I was sure I was gonna spill my energy shake.

I really, really hated myself at that nano. I wanted so badly to go over there, to talk to her - but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was absolutely frozen in terror. I just kept thinking over and over how pathetic I was, and I don’t know how long I stood there but I bet it wasn’t as long as it seemed. It couldn’t have been.

I just about managed to convince myself to walk away - a small victory at best. I looked down at my feet, cursed myself, and started to turn. That’s when I heard her voice. “Hey!”

I looked up, astonished. She’d glanced up from her tray and she was smiling at me. “Hey.” I managed to whisper, but I don’t see how she could possibly have heard me.

She just smiled some more. “Just get here?” I nodded dumbly. “C’mon, sit down.”

“Uh… Sure.” I managed, and tried to return her smile. I walked over towards her, slowly and carefully ‘cause I was honestly worried I’d trip over myself and fall on my face. I set my tray down on the table and sat on the chair to her right. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Oh! Um - asking to me uh, sit.”

“Sure.” She giggled. She returned her attention to her lunch, which was about half-finished. I looked down at mine and forgot for a nano what I was supposed to do with it. When I finally remembered I was scared about how to eat it without looking like a slob or something, but I figured it would look even weirder if I didn’t eat at all. So even though my stomach felt like it had a squad of ABCs doing maneuvers in it I started eating.

As soon as my mouth was good and full she looked over at me and grinned. “You were funny in Bernoulli’s class today.”

I looked back at her, realized my mouth was hanging open and full of food, and chewed and swallowed as best I could. My throat felt like it was about as wide as my pinkie. “Uh… Thanks. I guess…”

“What happened?”

I winced. “I… I dunno. I get - distracted, I guess. Sometimes. I’m basic…”

“No!” she chuckled. “It was funny, that’s all. You were cute!”

I turned about a thousand shades redder than Mouse’s hair, I’m sure of it. “Thanks.”

“I’m Lisa, by the way.” I smiled, and she just stared at me for a few nanos. Lisa. Finally, she coughed. “And you are…”

D’oh! Could I be any stupider? “Sorry! I’m… Enzo.”

“Hey, Enzo.” She smiled sort of slyly at me and took another bite of her food. She waited until my mouth was full again - I dunno if she was doing it on purpose, but she was good at it - and spoke again. “Haven’t you ever talked to a girl before?”

Was it that obvious? I swallowed another bite of food that felt like a zip board going down my gullet. “Sure! L-lots of times.” I tried a smile. “No. Not really. Sort of…”

“Why not?”

“Uh… That’s a really long story.”

“Well - maybe later, then. I’m sure we’ll talk lots more.” She grinned. “Cutie.”

“Oh!” I gasped. She didn’t seem like she was making fun of me… “You… Um - you’re really cute too.” I blurted out.

“Thanks. That’s very sweet.”

“Uh - welcome…”

“How old are you, Enzo?”

“Er - 1.3. How about you?”

“1.4. I’ll be 1.5 in 15 minutes.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” It didn’t make a lot of difference what she said, I was just enjoying being next to her. Still, it was nice knowing she wasn’t 1.9 or something.

“How come you’re here so young?”

I wiped my brow with my sleeve, hoping she wouldn’t notice. “My… My friend Bob. He made me a Guardian when I was 1.0, and I’ve kinda been waiting to come ever since. He’s sorta like my stepdad.”

“Wow - that’s really graphical! So you’re an old hand at all this huh?”

“No!” I said too loudly. “I… Bob is great and everything, but it’s not the same. Not like here.” I shrugged and smiled. “I’m just trying to figure stuff out.”

“Don’t worry - I’m sure you will.” She grinned and held out her hand. “It was nice to meet you, Enzo - I’ll definitely see you around, OK?”

I stared at her hand for a nano, mustering the courage to touch it. I finally did, and it was wonderful - smooth and soft and cool, not all clammy and sweaty like mine. I finally looked up at her smiling face. “Yeah. I hope so.”

She gently extracted her hand, which I’d neglected to return to her, and stood up. “Gotta get to class. Maybe I’ll see you here tomorrow?”

“Yeah!”

“OK.” She giggled. “Bye, Cutie.”

“Uh… Bye.” I stared after her and she waved at me as she dumped her tray. I watched her all the way out of the mess hall and then, when she was gone, I spent the rest of my lunch break staring at my hand with a dumb smile on my face.

* * *

I admit I started out the rest of the day in a kind of fog. I hadn’t exactly been as smooth as Bob, but I’d managed to survive my lunch break without any major catastrophes. Better still, I’d actually spoken a couple of coherent sentences to the teal girl, and I even knew her name now - Lisa. It was a pixelacious name, too. Of course, maybe she could have told me her name was Nullzilla and I would’ve liked it.

Fortunately things started to get really interesting that afternoon - we had a session with the game simulator and it was totally alphanumeric. It wasn’t exactly like being in a game, or even exactly like Bob described the one at the old Academy. There was a sort of helmet thingie and a suit and gloves you put on, and a digital representation of yourself was on the visor on your helmet. If you let yourself get into it a little bit you could almost forget it wasn’t you up there, only a simulation. I felt good using it, comfortable - the stuff Bob had taught me stayed with me and I felt for the first time like I really belonged here. I was home.

Of course we had to take the helmets and stuff off and we were back in the real world, and I was back to being the littlest sprite around again. But I had Lisa fighting for space in my processor now and that made a nice change from worrying about that, and feeling homesick. I was still worried and homesick plenty that cycle - just not every waking nano.

I thought real hard about talking to Linux about the teal girl that night, but I decided against it. On the one file I wanted us to be friends and friends talked to each other about stuff like that - but on the other hand I didn’t want to seem like a dork. Me and Lisa had barely talked and besides, Linux didn’t seem like he was all that much of an expert on girls anyway, and we hadn’t known each other that long. Some stuff I was gonna have to figure out on my own.

So anyway, Linux probably thought I was pretty basic that night - I was definitely distracted. Eventually we started talking about other stuff, though, like our classes and his Mom and Dot and I got into having that conversation with someone my own age. He told me a dirty joke and I laughed, and we even had a belching contest, which was totally alphanumeric. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get someone in Mainframe interested in a belching contest. I think they’re all worried about Dot finding out and giving them the look. AndrAIa’s the king, though - she’s the master belcher when she wants to be.

So all in all, it was a pretty good night - but then things got a little weird again. We went to bed at lights out and I actually fell asleep pretty quick for a change, ‘cause I was still pretty tired. I have no idea what time it was - I never checked my internal clock - but sometime that night I had a dream.

I dream every night - I guess sprites always do, or so Dot says. But this dream was different - it was about Lisa, and it wasn’t a nice dream. I mean - it was a nice dream, but it wasn’t a nice dream, if you know what I mean. It was the sort of dream Bob had told me about when we had our talk, back in Mainframe.

It totally freaked me out - I’d never had a dream like that before. I’d had dreams about AndrAIa, but they were different. Mostly they were just about her face, and how incredibly beautiful and nice and cool she is. They were nice, and I always remembered them the next cycle for a while and they made me smile. This was different.

I was pretty sure I’d cried out in my dream, and I looked over at Linux because I was terrified he’d woken up. But he hadn’t - he was still snoring softly like he usually did once he fell asleep. That was something, at least. But I lay awake for a long time afterwards before I could fall asleep again. My processor was running in turbo mode and my body was tingling all over. It was exciting, but it was scary, too. It hadn’t been a little kid’s dream. I felt like something had changed, for sure, and that was the exciting and scary part.

There was a big part of me that was angry at myself for thinking about Lisa like that. It made me feel basic. I was also worried about facing her the next cycle - would she know? Would it show in my face? At some level of my code I knew it really wasn’t my fault - I couldn’t help thinking she was beautiful. I couldn’t help thinking about her, period. Bob had tried to warn me about this stuff as best he could, but now that it was actually happening it was still very weird to deal with.

I made a real conscious effort to bear down in class the next morning, and it was easier than I thought - I guess my processor was ready for a break from thinking about Lisa all the time. I managed to get through my first two classes OK and I even got called on to demonstrate a problem in games identification, and I did fine. Next was phys con, which was my only every-cycle class. I started to mentally wander a little because lunch was next, and that meant seeing Lisa - but after the cycle before I wasn’t gonna let myself be embarrassed by Mr. Bernoulli again.

I was working on one of the weight machines, this thing were you have a bar behind your head resting on your shoulders and you have to lift as much weight as you can. It’s supposed to strengthen the muscles in your shoulders and arms, and I guess I could sure use that. I was scared the others would make fun of me because - obviously - I couldn’t lift as much as the big kids. Mr. Bernoulli set up the machine for me and I just concentrated on doing as many reps as possible, and that’s when something cool happened.

“WARNING - INCOMING GAME WARNING - INCOMING GAME”

It wasn’t the first game since I’d been at the Academy, but this one was cool because I was on the game roster. I was on call - this was my game! And what was even better was that Ray was the teacher on call - I didn’t have any classes with him for the first quarter so I hadn’t seen as much of him as I wanted. Plus, I’d never seen Ray in a game before. “Mr. Bernoulli - that’s me! Can I-”

“Go, go!” he waved me out. “You don’t have to ask permission when you’re on call. Hurry up, now!”

I leaped up off the machine and headed outside. The cube was coming down towards the town, at the edge of campus, and I hopped on my zip board and headed out that way. I rebooted into my uniform and looked around - the others were converging on the cube, same as me. It was an incredible feeling - I was at the Academy, in full uniform, heading for a game with my team. Nothing could ever equal the emotion of going into games with Bob - but this was pretty alphanumeric.

We gathered under the descending cube and I recognized one face among the students - Quantum. I felt a little knot in my stomach seeing him, and he chuckled when he saw me staring at him. “You got training discs on that zip board, Sprout?”

“End file!” Ray said sharply. “Sound off before we get started, left to right. Go!”

“Cadet Matrix reporting, Sir!”

“Cadet Patch reporting, Sir!” It was a red-haired girl about Linux’ age, I guess - presumably another first-hour.

“Quantum.”

“Calisto, Sir.” A guy about Quantum’s age, taller and thinner.

“Right.” Ray nodded. The cube was on us, and the familiar feeling of energy dancing over my skin washed over me. I opened my eyes and we were standing inside a gloomy-looking forest, thick with trees and moss. Ray smiled at Patch. “First game, Cadet?”

“Yes, Sir!” She sounded a little nervous.

“No worries - just relax and pay attention.” Ray grinned at me. “Not the first one for you, is it Lad?”

“No, Sir.”

“Not by a long ways. Right, Mates - Quantum and Calisto know, but I’ll repeat it for you two - the number one rule around here is teamwork. We work together and win the game quick as thieves, right?”

“Yes Sir!”

“Number two rule is - listen to me at all times. We don’t have arguments in games - when I give an order you follow it immediately. That clear?”

“Yes, Sir!”

“Good. We don’t have the luxury of a keytool so we have to rely on our wits. Everyone - reboot!”

It was a fairly standard sword and sorcerer type game - something about tossing a magic ring into a volcano. Nothing I hadn’t been through with Bob and Matrix a dozen times before. It was amazing, though - being in there with the other cadets totally changed the format. We all had to look out for each other, and I noticed that Ray stayed out of the way as much as possible. I guess he was trying to let us figure stuff out for ourselves, which was cool. It was hard not to treat him like a friend, but I knew that in there, it was the wrong thing to do.

I didn’t particularly like my character - I was short (naturally) and I had no shoes and hairy feet. It’d be nice to reboot taller once in a while, but it was OK - I got to hold the ring, which was a really important job. We ran a gamut of orcs and goblins and other foul-smelling creatures trying to kill us, but we managed all right. Quantum had rebooted as a pixelacious warrior with a sword, and the stubble on his face was even thicker his real stubble - so he looked even older than usual. He kicked ascii with that sword - I’d have hated to have to fight him. That was a vaguely disturbing thought.

Calisto had ‘booted as a warrior too, and Patch was a small creature like me with hairy feet. Ray was a wizard of some kind - he wore a gray robe and had a full gray beard and mustache. I giggled when I saw him, which I knew was pretty unprofessional but I couldn’t help it. “Something amusing, Cadet Matrix?”

I blushed, but he didn’t seem mad - he was smiling. “No, Sir. Sorry Sir!” It wasn’t fair - none of them knew Ray like me - they didn’t get how funny it was! Oh, well. Like I said, he mostly stayed out of the way - he provided light with his staff when we were in a cave, and read some runes when none of us could. But mostly he wanted us to figure stuff out for ourselves - he was a little like Bob that way.

The only kinda bad thing was that as a little guy - even littler than usual - I didn’t get a chance to do much except be the guy holding the ring. That was important - but it felt like the others were looking after me, and I’d had more than enough of that in my life already. So when the opportunity came for me to get into the action, I was desperate to take advantage of it.

I was carrying a small sword but I hadn’t had a chance to use it yet. It had some sort of magical powers - it glowed blue every time these evil guys would get close to us. Unfortunately before they got too close Quantum and Calisto had an annoying habit of chopping them into a zillion little pieces. But when the User finally showed up, he wasn’t the sort of opponent a warrior can take out easily with brute force - he was a slimy, sneaky little guy who wanted to steal the ring from me. I spotted him before anyone else did, hiding in some bushes waiting to get the jump on us.

I pretended I didn’t see him, and I didn’t tell anyone else he was there. Then, just as we were walking past the bush where he was hiding, I whipped the sword out and skewered him good. It was infinitely alphanumeric - unfortunately, he had multiple lives and the game just kept right on going. The others were pretty impressed, though.

A few millis later we came across him again, hiding in some rocks. I saw him and shouted out just at the last nano, as he was getting ready to jump on us. Quantum was getting ready to dispatch him, but I shouted for him to stop. “Why?” he growled.

“We don’t know how many lives he has left - he might have twenty, for all we know. Why not win the game the other way - by getting inside the volcano and destroying the ring?”

“So what? Why not kill him anyway? We can still keep marching…”

“Yeah - but he knows the way inside. And it’s guarded by like a billion orcs and stuff.”

“What?” Calisto protested. “How do you know?”

That was a little awkward - I was very nervous about looking cocky in front of the others, but I also wanted to show that I could help win the game, and do it quicker. “Uh - I’ve played this one before. With Bob…”

“He’s lying!” Calisto laughed. “Trying to show off.”

“No! It’s the truth!”

Ray frowned at me. “It’s true, Mate? You’ve played this game with the Guardian?”

“You know I wouldn’t lie, Ra-… Sir!” I looked at him, pleading.

“OK… We’ll try it your way, Kiddo. If you can get him to lead us inside, so be it.”

“Pixelacious!” I took my sword out and held it to the User’s throat. “You know the way - take us inside the mountain or I’ll kill you. Slowly. And I’ll enjoy it.”

“Yesss! Yesss! Take you, I will!” He was a creepy little guy - all slithery and slimy. He smelled bad, too - but he really did know the way inside the volcano. I knew exactly how this was gonna work - he’d pretend to be cooperating with us, and all the time he’d be looking for a way to trick us and steal the ring. I wasn’t gonna let that happen - I’d seen it before.

We ran into a few dangers along the way, but Quantum and Calisto dealt with them pretty easily while I kept an eye on the User. Quantum stared at me sometimes, and I couldn’t figure out of he was mad at me or not. But he didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the game.

At the heart of the game world there’s this massive volcano, and that’s where we’d been heading the whole time. There was a tunnel that led inside the mountain, but like I’d told the others it was heavily guarded - all kinds of weird ugly creatures with scary-looking weapons and black messengers on giant bat-like creatures were outside, and my sword was glowing as bright as you can imagine. That’s when the User decided he wasn’t going any farther.

“Just tell him you’ll kill him.” Calisto sighed. He sounded very exasperated.

“No farther. Too many… We all die, they take ring! Yesss…” the little guy hissed. Everything he said was a hiss. He didn’t care about us dying, obviously - or even himself. What he didn’t want was to lose control of the ring.

“We can fight our way through them.” Quantum sneered.

“No. All die.” The User pointed at me and Patch. “Little Onesss, yesss… Little onesss can sneak inside with Gollum. Very quiet, very sssmall, yesss…”

Ray looked at me expectantly. I nodded. “Trust me.” When I was little it was the sort of thing I’d have been tempted to do on my own - just go off with the User and not even wait for permission. But Bob had been training that out of me for hours, and we were supposed to be all about teamwork in the Academy. So I wasn’t going until Ray said so.

“Right - Enzo and Patch, go with… Him. We’ll watch your backs as best we can.”

“Cool! Thanks.”

“This is basic!” Calisto scowled.

“Go on.” I pointed my sword at the User. “Lead the way.”

“Yess…” The User cast a disdainful look at the others and started off through the rocks, away from the mass of soldiers at the main entrance. “Sssecret places, Gollum knowsss sssecret placesss. Very sssafe…”

Patch and I crouched a few paces behind him, keeping hidden as well as we could. “Enzo…” Patch whispered. “What if they catch us? What if he rats us out?”

“He won’t. If we get caught, he loses the ring - and the whole point for him is to get the ring. That’s the trap he’s in. He’ll get us inside.”

“But - he’s the User! He can’t win the game by helping us!”

“Oh, he’ll try and kill us - once we’re inside. But I know what to watch for - I’ll be expecting it.”

“You… You really have played this game before, huh?”

“Course!” I grinned. “I wouldn’t lie about something like that. C’mon - he’s getting too far ahead.”

“Come! Come!” The User hissed impatiently. “Mussst hurry! Many bad creaturesss about. Very bad… Mussst get insside the mountain sssoon!” He led us to the side of the volcano, close enough to the tunnel entrance that we could see the glow from the torchlight. There was a large boulder there, and the little creature shoved it aside with a mighty grunt. He was stronger than he looked. There was a little rip in the ground where the boulder had been. “Ssside tunnel! Leadsss inssside! Come!”

“Wait!” I whispered. “Patch first - go through and have your sword ready. Then the User, me last.” I reached into my knapsack and pulled out a phial, which emitted a whitish glow, and handed it to Patch. Yet another advantage of having been here before. “Elvish - magic! It’ll be dark in there. Go.”

“Enzo-”

“Go on! Trust me, please.” Patch looked at me worriedly, then slipped through the hole in the ground and disappeared. I held the User back with my sword for a few nanos, then motioned him to follow. Then I waited.

After a micro or two I knelt down by the hole and called softly. “Patch? You OK?”

“Yeah! I’m inside. I… I’ve got him guarded.”

“Be careful!” I crawled into the hole after them, and after a few nanos of uncomfortable worming around on my stomach I was inside the mountain, in a dark passageway. I could see the User and Patch in the white light of my stone, her sword at his slimy throat. Off to our right there was another glow - this one a bloody red. That was from the pit of fire where we had to destroy the ring.

“Sssafe! Inssside, yesss? Gollum hasss done well, Bagginsss!”

“Yeah - you did real good. Now - lead us to the pit of fire.”

“But Enzo-”

“Shhh!” I motioned her to follow me, and we fell in a few steps behind the User, who led us down the tunnel towards the bloody glow. As we walked the glow got brighter and brighter, the air got hotter and hotter, and the stink got worse. We made a bunch of turns and went down a bunch of side passages and finally, the tunnel opened up into a broad cavern, bright red with the glow of the lava, and we could see dark shapes moving around inside.

The User took a look at us, his eyes glinting, and then in a flash he was gone - up the wall of the cavern. “Enz-”

“Shhh!” I hissed, and pulled Patch down behind a pile of rocks. “He did that last time. Don’t worry.”

“But - how do we get to the pit? There’s… things in there!”

“I know.” I smiled at her, remembering what it was like the first time I’d been in a game with Bob and Dot. I slipped off my sword, glowing blue - too much glow - and set it down next to her. “Don’t worry - everything’s gonna be OK. Promise me something?”

“What?”

“No matter what happens, don’t cry out - and don’t come out of hiding. If they see you, they’ll delete you - and even if we win, you’ll stay deleted!”

“But… How will you-”

“Just promise, OK? No matter what, you stay quiet and hide.”

“I… I guess so. What’re you going to do?”

“Trust me. I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.” I smiled what I hoped was reassuringly, and slipped the ring on my finger. I heard her gasp, but I have to give her credit - she didn’t say anything when I disappeared. I slipped into the cavern and started towards the pit of fire, trying to make as little noise as possible.

The creatures in there sensed me - they did as soon as I put the ring on. But they couldn’t see me, and if I destroyed the ring fast enough they wouldn’t be able to find me in time. I trotted on my tiptoes across the cavern until I was close enough to the edge of the pit that I could reach it with a good toss. The creatures circled, coming a little bit closer, sniffing the air. I reached for the ring.

“Enzo!”

I heard Patch scream, but I was already looking up, expecting it. The User was flying across the cavern towards me in a leap that would’ve been impossible for any normal sprite. His jaws were wide open and his teeth were glinting, and he was aiming for my hand. At the last nano I spun and dove out the way and jerked the ring off my finger just as I heard him crash into the rocky floor.

The creatures saw me just as soon as I took the ring off, of course - and a roar echoed in the cavern. I reared back and whipped the ring towards the pit, as hard as I could. The User screamed and leapt after it, bouncing off the floor like he had springs in his legs. He kept screaming as he followed it over the side of the pit and down, echoing in the cave. “Precioussss!”

The creatures were descending on me, swords drawn, and I cowered back and covered my head. I’d had to leave my sword, of course, but it wouldn’t have done me much good. Then I heard two of my favorite words…

“GAME OVER”

Patch came running towards me so fast I thought she was gonna tackle me for a nano. She knelt next to me and put her hands on my shoulders. “Enzo! Are you OK?”

I almost said “Sure, Dot!” just out of habit, but I stopped myself. I bounced to my feet. “Pixelacious. And you broke your promise!”

“Sorry!” she grinned. “You were right - you had the whole thing figured out.”

“Sometimes you get lucky.”

“Cadets - everyone online and processing?” The others were trotting up to us.

“Sure, Ray - no worries.” A little slip on my part, but I didn’t catch it until after the fact.

Ray didn’t seem to mind. “Looks like you had this one pegged, Enzo - but it sure wasn’t any fun not seeing what you kids were up to in there!”

“Sorry!”

“Well - good job Mates, both of you. All of you. If you’ve got game experience use it, I always say - next best thing to having a keytool.”

“Unbelievable.” Quantum chuckled, shaking his head.

“Bet you enjoyed showing off in there, huh Sprout?” Calisto spat.

“I was just trying to win the game-”

Patch ventured in. “Hey - leave him alone! He-”

“Enough of that!” Ray barked, silencing the three of us. “Teamwork, remember? We got the job done, and everyone had a part in it, right?” He looked around expectantly. “Right?”

“Yes, Sir!”

“That’s what I like to hear, Mates. Now scat - back to class, all of ya. Go!” Quantum zipped off, still shaking his head, and Calisto slowly walked after him, staring daggers at me. It made my skin crawl. Ray patted me on the shoulder and headed off towards the staff apartments.

“Sorry I yelled out like that - I couldn’t help it, when I saw the User jumping at you-”

“No biggie.” I grinned, and we started off at a slow walk. “You did great in there.”

“I was basic. But it was my first game, maybe I’ll get better…”

“Sure. But don’t worry so much. Games are pretty easy once you get the hang of them, and they’re really fun.”

“You’ve been in a lot of them, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess. Bob’s been taking me into games since I was- Oof!” I fell back on my bitmap, after a hard shove on the chest. It was Calisto - I guess he doubled back after Ray was out of sight.

“Hey!” Patch shouted.

“Shut up.”

I pushed myself to my feet, trying to settle my nerves. “Just leave me alone, OK?”

“Trying to use your friend Bob to get you a little tail, huh? Not enough he got you into the Academy?”

“Stop it!” I growled.

“Some of us had to work to get in here. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Hey - Enzo was great in that game! He-”

“It’s easy if you cheat.”

“I didn’t cheat.” I was scared and angry, but I was trying to control myself. “Knowing how to play a game isn’t cheating.”

“They should never have let a soft-boy like you in here - it perverts the whole place! If you weren’t in with Guardian 452 they’d have laughed in your face.”

“You don’t know me! You don’t know how hard I worked to come here!”

“Save it, Infant. It’s gonna be fun watching you wash out the nano things get rough around here. And they’re gonna get plenty rough.”

“I’ve had it plenty rough already!” I shouted, feeling angry tears welling up. “Rougher than you! I-”

“Infant. Talk to me when they drop, all right?”

I didn’t know exactly what he meant but I had a vague idea - and it didn’t do too much for my mood. “Hey! Just shut up!” I gave him a two-handed shove as hard as I could, but he barely budged.

“You want some?” He pushed me on my bitmap again, and took a step towards me, raising his arm.

“Is there a problem here?” Ray had appeared again, as if from nowhere. I rolled onto my feet again.

“No problem, Sir.” Calisto said softly. He turned and took out his zip board.

“Did I say you were dismissed, Cadet?”

“No Sir. Sorry Sir.”

“Now I’ll ask again - is there a problem here?”

Calisto and Patch and I all stared at each other in turn. “No problem.” I said softly.

“No, Sir.” Patch agreed, hesitantly.

“There better not be. Fighting is not allowed here, boys - do I make myself clear? You want to fight, save it for Daemon. I don’t want to hear about any nonsense, Mates. If I do, the consequences will be very severe. Am I understood?”

“Understood, Sir.”

“Yes, Sir. Am I dismissed now, Sir?”

Ray looked Calisto up and down, a little distastefully, and sighed. “Yeah. Go. But remember what I said, Lad - if I hear about any nonsense from you two your bitmap is toast.”

“Yes, Sir.” Calisto turned and zipped off, leaving Ray, Patch and me alone at the edge of campus. I realized I’d been holding my breath and exhaled deeply.

“Where’d you come from? I thought you left!” Patch said wonderingly.

“You don’t survive a life of web surfing by being basic, Cadet. Keeping you nippers safe is my number one job, now.” He knelt in front of me. “You OK, Enzo? Nothing broken?”

“I’m fine.” I hastily wiped my cheeks and tried to smile. I’d just been in my first real-life fight - sort of. It hadn’t exactly gone well - I didn’t even wanna think what would’ve happened if Ray hadn’t come back. Calisto was a big kid - if he’d wanted to hurt me I’m not sure I could’ve stopped him.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Thanks… Sir.”

“That guy is a total null!” Patch fumed. “He’s just pissed because Enzo won that game instead of him!”

“We all won that game, Lass. And watch the language.” Ray sighed. “Enzo, I meant what I said - fighting isn’t allowed in here. It’s a strictly zero tolerance.”

“I don’t want to fight anybody. I just wanna be left alone.” I said softly.

“I know.” He turned to Patch. “Head on off to class now, Cadet - I need a nano with Matrix here. And good job in that game - you’d never know it was your first one.”

She glowed a little. “Thank you, Sir. Enzo, uh… I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. See ya.” She grinned and zipped off. One good thing seemed to have cone out of the cycle - I had another friend. I was beginning to sense that having allies was important in a place like the Academy.

As soon as she was out of sight Ray turned back to me. “You really all right, Mate?”

“Yeah - I’m fine. He didn’t hit me or anything.” There was a part of me that wanted to be a little boy and hug him and everything, but I wasn’t about to do that.

“Good. I know you didn’t start anything with that kid, Enzo - I know you well enough to know you don’t start trouble. But you watch yourself - if he starts something with you you’ll both get in the muck. And I won’t be able to keep you out.”

“Ray, I… I didn’t do anything! He-”

“I know Mate, I know. But he might not just let this go - some guys aren’t too keen on getting shown up by fellahs half their size. And there’s a lot of big guys here.”

“But - I didn’t show him up! I just knew how to win that game - that’s all!”

“Sure, Lad - and you did a helluva job in there, too. But he didn’t see it that way. Just be careful - stand up for yourself if you have to but don’t get into trouble you can avoid. And I’ll try and help you as much as I can, all right?”

“OK.” I sighed. It felt like the no-win scenario all over again for me. “I’ll try, Ray.”

“Good lad.” He ruffled my hair. “I know you, Enzo - you won’t take recycle crap from anyone, and that’s OK. I’m not asking you to let yourself get pushed around - you never would anyways. Do what you have to do and I’ll do what I can.”

“Thanks.” If guys the size of Calisto and Quantum were doing the pushing, I wasn’t sure I was gonna have a choice.

“Good lad.” He straightened up and slapped me on the back. “You really did a monster job in that game, Mate - you had it covered, no worries. And you helped out Patch, too - good to know we’ve got a veteran like you in the midst. We need all the experience we can get.”

“I got lucky - Bob and I played that game before.”

“Not luck, Mate - cool under pressure is what I call it.” He winked at me and gave me a playful shove. “Get back to class, Kiddo - game ended millis ago, they’ll miss you. And let me know if you need me, right? I’m here if you do.”

“Thanks, Ray!” I shot him a grateful smile and headed back for campus. I could tell he was more worried about me than he was letting on - almost as worried as I was.

I checked my chronometer. That game had been a long one - my lunch break was almost over. I was still feeling a little shaken up and thought maybe that missing Lisa wasn’t such a bad thing - but there was a part of me that was ticked off too. Not to mention I was gonna have to skip lunch.

I zipped over to the mess at the great hall, grabbed a couple of energy bars and headed for our table. Lisa was there - I could spot her hair from across the hall - but she’d already just about cleaned off her tray. I sat next to her and smiled apologetically. “Um - hey.”

“Hey yourself. I thought you were gonna stand me up there for a micro.”

“Sorry! I… I was in that game cube. I was on call and everything, I couldn’t help it-”

“That’s OK - I’m just teasing you! I saw you dash out of the weight room like your hair was on fire!” she laughed, and patted my hand. It felt like a thousand pixels were dancing over it.

“Oh! Heh - yeah! Good one…”

“You OK? You seem a little out of breath.”

“Yeah - fine. Thanks.” I sighed.

“You sure? Nothing bad happened in the game?” She patted my hand again, and left her hand on top of it for a nano.

I stared down at our hands for a nano, frozen, then I forced my gaze upwards. “No - everything’s perfect.”

“Well - good!” she smiled quizzically. “I haven’t been in a game yet - I’m still a little nervous about it.”

“You’ll do great. You’ll be alphanumeric.”

“I’ll assume that’s a good thing. I wish I had your confidence! But not all of us have been going into games since we were 1.0.”

“Uh… I just... It’s no big deal, really!” I was breathing hard again, I could hear myself. “You’ll be fine.”

“You’re really nice. Thank you.” She grinned. “My break is over - but I wanted to hear about your long story from yesterday.”

“Oh! Sorry. Mine is too, I guess.”

“You better eat your energy bars then, huh?”

“I guess! Yeah…”

She stood up, and I followed. “Next time you can tell me. Have fun in your classes today, OK?”

“Yeah! Thanks, you too.”

She grinned and waved. “Bye, Cutie!” I wasn’t able to muster a response beyond a grunt, but I did manage to almost wave back. She laughed a little bit and walked off, and I followed her with my eyes until I couldn’t see anymore and stood for a while staring even after that. Then I realized the mess was almost empty and I was late for class, shoveled both energy bars into my mouth at the same time and zipped off as fast as I could.

* * *

The rest of that cycle was pretty uneventful - as uneventful as anything could have seemed to me, under the circumstances. Classes were mostly a process of feeling out at this stage - all of the first-hours were still a little nervous and trying to get their bearings. I told Linux about the game during dinner, and he was suitably impressed - although I left out most of the details about what went down afterwards.

Linux and I headed down to the rec room after dinner and there were a few boys there, no one I really recognized. I was a little jumpy being around other kids without any of the teachers around, especially after the game, but no one really bothered us. We played a simulator for a while, then we sat down on the big couch they had and popped in a quicktime movie. Linux and I pretty much had the same taste in movies, as it turned out - looks like Laser was right about us. We put “Tommy Boy” in the drive and we were watching and laughing out asciis off for a while, no problem.

The movie was about half-over when I heard a familiar voice from behind me - Zip, the kid who’d been with Quantum that first dinner in the boys’ mess. “You wearing your diaper, Boy? Some of us might want to sit on that couch later.”

“Just ignore him.” Linux whispered. I felt my ears burning but I didn’t look around.

I pretended to watch the movie for a few nanos, then I felt a hand shaking my shoulder. “Hey!” Zip said. “Didn’t anyone tell you to answer when one of your betters asks you a question?”

“Leave me alone.” I said softly.

“That’s original. I asked you if you were wearing your diaper. Well?”

“I’m going.” I said to Linux. “See you later.” I stood up and headed for the door.

“Hey! Leaving so soon? Aren’t you gonna tell us some stories about Guardian 452? C’mon!” I just kept walking, down the hall and onto the elevator and upstairs to my room. I felt like a null for running away like that, but I was still in a no-win situation. I thought about what Ray said, but I couldn’t find any way to make it work in real life. How was I supposed to stand up for myself without fighting - and getting in trouble? Not to mention beat up, probably.

I lay back on the bed and I was trembling, scared and angry at the same time. I just didn’t understand why anyone would want to pick on me like that - I’d never done anything to them. I was used to being the smallest, but the big sprites in my life had never treated me that way - not even Matrix, even at first. Well, not much. It was a fear that had been in the dark places of my mind since I’d thought about coming to the Academy - and now it was happening. I flipped over and buried my face in my pillow.

After a little while Linux came into the room, but I didn’t look up at him. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I answered through the pillow.

I heard my desk chair squeak on the floor. “You OK?”

“I guess. What happened to the movie?”

“Tommy Boy isn’t any fun to watch by yourself.” He didn’t say anything for a while, and I didn’t either. Finally he slapped me on the shoulder. “That null will get tired of you soon. He’ll leave you alone.”

“I hope.” I rolled over on my side and looked at Linux. “Crash it all! Why do people have to be so basic? I never did anything to him!”

“You know how big kids are.” He sighed.

I felt a knot in my stomach. “Uh… Well, actually I don’t. There really aren’t any other kids in Mainframe, so…”

“Dude - really? How come?”

I stared at him for a moment, wondering how much I should say. I didn’t want him to think I was a freak or something. “Um - remember what I said about my Dad? How I didn’t like to talk about it?”

“Yeah?”

I sighed. “Most of the little sprites deleted at the same time he did.” That was as much detail as he needed to know. “There was an…accident. Real bad. And afterwards, I was the only little sprite left in Mainframe.”

Linux’ eyes got real big. “Dude! You’re kidding!”

“No - that’s what happened.”

“Oh, man - that’s terrible. So, like - the whole time you were growing up you didn’t have any friends or anything?”

“Just the binomes I went to school with. But that’s not the same, y’know? So no friends. Um - until now…”

He smiled. “Yeah.”

“Guess you think I’m pretty weird now, huh?”

“Naw. That’s totally basic, though - I can’t even imagine growing up all by myself like that.”

I smiled. “I had my sister. And when Bob got there, it was better. They were really great to me, Dude - they did everything they could. But I guess it’s not the same as being around other kids.”

“I guess not.” He grinned tentatively. “So - That’s why you were so nervous, huh? When we met and everything. And when we saw other kids in the mess or something... I just figured you were shy.”

“Yeah.” I closed my eyes.

“That’s cool, Enzo - you’re doin’ really good. I mean - I know it’s gotta be really tough and everything, but you’re doing great.”

“Thanks. But what about Zip and those guys? What if they won’t leave me alone?”

He sighed. “I dunno. Sometimes kids are jerks for no good reason, just to be jerks. Stay out of his way as much as possible.”

“Won’t be easy.” I pounded my fist down on the bed, hard. “Crash it all - I really wanted to punch that guy’s display out! But I was scared too. He’s so much bigger than I am, Linux!” I could have been talking about Zip or Calisto, it didn’t even matter which.

“I know, Enzo. Just be cool, OK? Don’t let those nulls get to you. Sooner or later they’ll get tired of you and leave you alone. Then they’ll probably come after me.”

“I hope. About the leaving alone part, I mean.” I wanted to believe him, but at that nano I really didn’t.

“C’mon - we need some music or something, it’s dead in here.” He went over to his footlocker and pulled out a disc player and a carrying case. “I got a bunch of alpha-numeric discs - let’s have some noise! What do you like?”

“Uh…” That ‘weird’ alarm was going off in my head again. “We didn’t have that much contact with the net ‘cause of Megabyte and Daemon and everything, so I don’t know that many bands. What’ve you got?”

“All kinds of stuff. Talking Heads, Depeche Mode, Men Without Hats… My big brothers showed me all kinds of cool bands when I was little. Oh - this one’s good!” He popped a disc into his player and music filled the room, pretty loudly.

“Who’s this?”

“Squeeze! Ever heard of ‘em?”

“No.”

“’Cool for Cats’. This absolutely rocks!” Linux grinned.

“High density.” I grinned back. He hopped onto his bed and we both lay back, listening to the music.

“Most of my friends back home think I’m a dork, listening to oldies music like this.”

“I think its pixelacious.”

“Yeah, me too! Screw them!” We both laughed. The music was pretty awesome - I was totally getting into the beat, and even the lyrics were good. I wondered if Bob knew how to play this stuff on his guitar. Soon enough I’d forgotten about Zip and Calisto and I was totally into the music. We listened for a long time - right up until lights out. And I even fell asleep pretty easy - the night ended on a definite high. I had no idea that the next cycle was gonna be one of the worst of my life.

* * *

To be honest, I don’t remember much about the first part of the next cycle - it’s kinda been crowded out of my processor by what happened afterwards. Morning classes were mostly boring but not too bad, I did some more work on the weight machines and then I went to lunch.

Lisa was there, but there were a bunch of other kids already at the table by the time I got to the mess hall so we really didn’t have a chance to talk very much. We smiled at each other a lot and I still got a little quivery just from looking at her. But I could be at the same table with her now and actually speak a few coherent sentences, which was progress, I guess.

Everyone looked at Mouse with a kind of awe in physical combat class after the last time, which I just thought was kinda funny. She definitely had everybody’s interest, that was obvious. I remembered what Bob said and tried to pay really close attention in there, especially after the game and Calisto. Mouse put her katana away and started us out on balance exercises - using your opponent’s weight against them, that kinda thing. It was interesting, but it was our first real class so we didn’t go into too much detail. I was the last one out again, just ‘cause I liked to have a chance to share a smile with her without anyone noticing. She winked at me and tousled my hair as I walked past her.

After my last class I went back to the room and hung out with Linux for a while, then we went downstairs and had dinner in the mess hall. It was almost starting to become a routine, crazy as that sounded to me. And after that I went upstairs - Linux went to the rec room but I skipped it. I chilled out and did homework, and then at about twenty-seven hundred I grabbed my stuff and headed for the showers.

Linux was cool and never asked me why I took showers at night. Maybe he knew. It sounds silly, but one of the scariest things for me about being at the Academy was having to change and take showers in front of other people. It was never an issue in Mainframe, obviously - I had all the privacy I wanted with no other kids around. But now everything was different.

See, everyone there was older than me. I was still a little sprite, and the last thing in the net I wanted was all those big kids to see me without any clothes on. The notion absolutely horrified me - I don’t know if it’s right to say I was ashamed, but I was definitely more than embarrassed. Being seen by kids like me would be bad enough, never having had to worry about it before - but being seen by older kids who were so much more, well - grown-up - was beyond awful. I didn’t even like to think about it.

So when I got to the Academy and saw just how little privacy there was in the showers, I was naturally upset. The only solution I could come up with was to take showers at night when (hopefully) there wouldn’t be any other cadets around, since most of them showered in the morning. And for the first few cycles, it worked.

Everything seemed fine this night, too - there were no other kids in the shower room when I got there and I grabbed the stall farthest from the door, just like always. I set my kit and my icon down on the bench, ‘booted out of my clothes and started the data. I even gasped when it started out too cold, just like always.

I got the data just how I liked it and I was showering and everything was OK - although I was always a little nervous in those showers and this night was no different. I’d just started to wash my hair when I thought I heard a noise, and I froze. I looked over my shoulder and didn’t see anything, but my eyes were full of data and I couldn’t be sure. I figured I imagined it, ‘cause you can never be too sure about sounds when the data’s running anyways, and went back to washing my hair.

I shut off the data when I was done and felt for the towel to dry my face and hair a little, and that’s when I realized something was wrong. It wasn’t on the hook. I knelt and didn’t feel it on the floor either, and a growing sense of dread was beginning to rise. I wiped my eyes with my wrists and hands as well as I could and opened them, and that’s when I really started to panic.

My icon was gone.

“No!” I whispered. I bent down and looked on the floor, desperately hoping it’d just fallen even though I knew that wasn’t really possible. I couldn’t hear anything except the data dripping in the stall behind me, but I knew in my heart that something was terribly wrong.

I took a cautious step out of the shower stall, and my heart was pounding so hard I figured it would jump right out of my chest. Nothing. I took another step, then two, and I still didn’t see anyone or anything - including my icon or towel. I took a couple steps towards the door, then I heard a kind of ‘whooshing’ sound and just as I started to turn my head, I screamed as there was a stinging pain. Right on my bitmap. “Owwwww!”

That’s when I heard the laughter. Zip stepped out from behind the row of stalls, along with a couple big guys I didn’t recognize, holding a wet towel. I was hopping from foot to foot from the pain, but as soon as I saw him I doubled over, covered myself as best I could and started backing towards the door.

“Not so fast.” I spun, and there was Calisto standing behind me. He grinned and pushed me towards the center of the room and my feet were wet, so I slipped and fell and banged onto the hard floor and that hurt like deletion too, believe me.

Zip chuckled. “Now we know why we never see you in here, huh Enzo? Sneaking in at night - very clever.”

“Leave me alone!”

“Looking for something?” He held up my icon. “Very careless of you to leave this lying around - anyone could just grab it.”

“Gimme that!” I stood up and reached for it but he yanked it away, laughing. Being the only one naked in a room with four big kids might not be the worst feeling possible, but at the time you couldn’t convince me of that.

“Grabby, aren’t you? Where’s your respect, huh?” He whipped the towel at me again - not at my bitmap this time - and I squealed and dove out of the way.

“Does your Mommy know you run around without your diaper, Infant?” Calisto sneered.

“My Mom’s deleted, nullface. Gimmee my icon - please!”

“I don’t blame you for trying to sneak in here.” Zip chuckled. “If I were you I’d be ashamed to be seen in public, too.” They all got a good laugh out of that. They said a lot of other stuff about me too - I don’t repeat it because I don’t even like to remember it. It was horrible - like a nightmare I just couldn’t wake up from. And that’s when it got worse.

Once they’d all had a chance to make wisecracks about me and Zip whipped the towel at me a few more times, making me dance as I tried to cover up, he got a big smile on his face. “You don’t like being in the showers naked, huh?”

I was pretty close to tears at this point. “Please - just let me go! Give me my icon!” The next thing I knew, two of them were lifting me up and carrying me towards the door. “No!” I shouted, and I started kicking and struggling as well as I could. But these guys were all bigger than me - I didn’t have a chance.

Zip opened the door, and the two guys I didn’t recognize tossed me out into the hallway. Zip held up my icon, grinned, and waved. Then the door to the showers closed and I heard them file locking it from the inside.

“No!” I started pounding on the door. “No! Please - let me in! Please!” I pounded and pounded but there was no response from inside - but I heard another door open, and laughter.

I doubled over at the waist again and tiptoed across to my room. I started pounding on that door. “Linux! Linux, let me in, please! Please, please, please! Linux!” Nothing - maybe he was still down in the rec room. I kept pounding on the door and I was starting to cry now, and then I heard another door open and I realized that the more noise I made trying to get into my room, the more attention I was drawing to myself. “Shit!” I groaned, and pounded on the door one last time.

I spun back to the hallway and covered myself and saw a couple of guys standing in their doorways, clearly finding the entire situation very funny. I knew I had to get downstairs to the house master’s room - but there was no way I was going down that elevator. The see-through elevator. I dashed for the end of the hall, praying there was a stairwell. There was, thank the User.

I flew down the stairs and prayed again, this time that there’d be no one outside when I opened the door on the main floor. I wasn’t so lucky this time - there was one cadet out in the hallway, going into his room. He looked at me and laughed. “What in the net are you doin’, Little Man?”

I hid behind the door to the stairwell and poked my head out. “Where’s the house master’s room? Please! Where is it?”

“Opposite hallway - right side, on the end.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Gonna be a fun run, Kid.” And he popped into his room and closed the door.

Opposite hallway! That meant I’d have to run through the main entrance hall - right past the rec room, the mess hall, the elevator… Oh, User! The only good thing was that it was pretty late, maybe there wouldn’t be anyone out and about. But getting my feet to move was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do - that other hallway felt like it was a million systems away. I just stood there for a while and shook and felt the tears on my cheeks and couldn’t make my legs work.

Finally I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and took off at a dash, as fast as I could, without even trying to cover anything up - sacrificing everything for speed. I’m faster than I am strong, even though I’ve still got pretty short legs - but that nano I was as fast as any zip board. I’m sure I was a green blur moving down that hallway.

I flew past the rec room and heard a shout behind me, then I heard someone calling out and laughing, but I didn’t stop and I didn’t turn around. I was out in the main hall and by the elevators and there were a couple of guys out there too but I didn’t even pause, I just kept right on running and running, past the mess hall and I found the opposite hallway and took off down that, hoping and hoping harder than I’ve ever hoped that the house master was in his room.

I could still hear laughing behind me when I got to his door - a couple of kids probably followed me to see what was going on. They called me some names that I’m not going to repeat. I doubled over again and pounded on the house master’s door. “Please! Please be there, please! Oh User, let me in!”

The sweetest sound I ever heard was that door sliding open. I slipped through without even looking up at him - I didn’t even know who the house master was yet - and curled up in a ball on his floor, still dripping wet. “Please - close the door! Close it, please close it!”

He did. “What in the name of the collective is the meaning of this, Cadet?” I finally looked up - it was the guy who taught my games identification class, the one who was even younger than Matrix. Mr. Garamond. My eyes were blurry but I could see the shock on his face.

“They… They locked me out of the bathroom! I w-was t-taking a shower… And they t-took my icon!”

“Calm down. Just calm down.” He disappeared for a nano, and I took the opportunity to wipe my eyes. I felt around behind me where my skin was still stinging, and realized on top of everything else that I had a big red welt on my butt where Zip had snapped me with the towel.

A nano later Mr. Garamond draped a blanket around my shoulders, and I wrapped it around myself tightly. “Now - tell me what happened, Cadet Matrix.”

I sobbed a couple times. “I… I was in the shower and… And…”

“Calm, Cadet. Calm down. What happened?”

I wiped my eyes again. “They t-took my icon and… My towel. And locked m-me out. In the hall.”

“Who? Who did?” My stomach lurched again when he asked me - I could sense the danger in his question. I was getting good at that, even freaked out as I was. “Enzo? Who did it?”

“I…” I looked up at him and wiped my eyes again. “I don’t know them. A c-couple k-kids I don’t know.”

“A couple kids you don’t know just took your icon and tossed you out into the hall? Just like that?”

“Y-yes Sir.”

He scowled and shook his head. “I can’t help you if you won’t be honest with me, Cadet.”

“Sorry S-sir.”

“Damn hazing. Every deleted semester…” Mr. Garamond shook his head again and nodded at me. “Get up, Enzo. Let’s get you back to your room.”

“Thanks.” I whispered, pushing myself to my feet. I realized that in addition to my bitmap, my hip and elbow hurt from when Calisto had pushed me down in the showers.

“You all right, Cadet? You want to see the nurse?”

“No. I’m fine.” It wasn’t a very good lie.

He draped his arm around me and led me out into the hall, where a couple of cadets were straggling around. “Get back to your rooms. Excitement’s over.” I just looked down at my feet as he led me to the elevator - I have no idea how many kids were out there or what their expressions were. I can guess.

“I’m going to try and get to the source of this, Cadet - but of course, no one will have seen anything. They never do. I wish you’d let me help you-”

“I… I don’t know them, Sir. S-sorry.”

We were on the third floor now, and he stopped outside my door and knelt next to me. “Enzo - I know it’s not easy for you being so- well… I know it’s not easy being the youngest. Maybe it would be better if we took some special precautions. We could-”

“I’ll be fine, Sir.” I hated his pity - hated it. It was like I was 0.1 again, treated like a baby by everyone else. Everyone bigger and older. But maybe he was right - maybe I couldn’t take of myself…

“Right. Fine.” He sighed. “I don’t want you to let yourself get taken advantage of, Cadet. Let me know if things get too bad for you, and I’ll help. That’s an order.”

“I will, Sir. Can I please go to bed now?”

“Right.” He patted me awkwardly on the shoulder and palmed his PID over the lock. The door slid open and he led me into the room. And there on my bed, neatly as could be, sat my icon and shower kit. And on the other bed sat Linux. He met my eyes when we walked in, and looked immediately down at his feet. I grabbed my icon and quickly rebooted into my shorts and T-shirt, my sleeping clothes.

“You sure you’re all right, Cadet? You’re limping a little.”

“Fine.” I nodded, stifling a sob. I handed him back his blanket and sat on my bed. “Thank you.”

“NP. Lights out in 15 micros - get some sleep, both of you. And remember what I said, Enzo.” He looked at Linux for a moment, smiled sadly at me and left us alone.

I stared at Linux for a few nanos, but he wouldn’t look at me. Finally I buried my face in my pillow and tried to wish the whole night away, like it’d never happened. “I’m sorry.” Linux said after a couple micros. “I’m sorry. Enzo?” More silence. “He - they said if I let you in they’d beat me up. He said they’d beat me up every cycle. I’m really sorry. Enzo?”

I had nothing to say to Linux right then. I just lay there till I started crying, hard, and let the pillow soak it all up. Until I was done, I had nothing left, and tried to go to sleep. Linux didn’t try to talk to me again that night.

* * *

As hard as it had been to force myself out of that stairwell without my clothes, it was almost as tough to convince myself to leave my room the next morning. The thought of facing anyone was almost more than I could take. How could I? They’d all know, I was sure of it. The ones that had seen what happened (and caused what happened) would tell the ones who hadn’t.

Linux didn’t say a word to me as we were getting ready for classes that morning. What in the net could he say? In some way I knew what had happened wasn’t his fault, exactly - but I was so hurt on every level of my programming that I didn’t see forgiving him anytime soon.

I mostly kept my head down as I walked to my morning classes. I couldn’t bear to make eye contact with anyone - I was sure I’d see contempt and ridicule in their eyes. I heard a few snickers and an occasional insult from nearby, but that was about the extent of it as nobody really talked to me and I sure as deletion didn’t talk to anyone else.

The worst part of it was conditioning - because Lisa was in that class. For all the horror I felt at the idea of facing anybody else, facing Lisa was infinitely worse. Maybe she’d know and maybe she wouldn’t, but I couldn’t stand the idea of taking the chance. She tried to make eye contact with me a couple of times but I deliberately looked away, and I tried to stay on the opposite end of the gym from her as much as I could.

I ate lunch in the boy’s dorm that cycle, just to avoid Lisa. Most of the kids ate lunch in the main mess - the ones in the dorms were mostly breakfast and dinner - so there weren’t too many cadets in there, which was just fine with me. I found a spot at the end of one of the big tables and ate by myself, and other than one kid shouting out one of the names I’d heard the night before, I was left alone.

I was walking out of the dorm after lunch when someone pushed me from behind, and I almost fell on my face. I scraped my hands a little catching myself on the ground, and I winced as I pushed myself up. I turned around and Calisto was grinning at me. “Thanks for the entertainment last night, Infant.”

“Leave me alone.” I mumbled, and started to walk away. He grabbed me by the collar and pulled me back. “Hey!”

“Did I give you permission to leave, Sprout? Huh?”

“Just let me go!”

“Ask me.” He said softly.

“No.”

“Ask me. Beg me. Go on - beg me to let you go.”

There was no way I was gonna do that. I slapped his arm away from my neck, which surprised him a little. “Log off, nullbreath!”

I turned and took a step away, but he slapped me in the back of the head - hard. I went down to my knees and saw stars for a few nanos. “Don’t try that again, Infant, or you’ll get a whole lot more.”

I was still a little woozy, but I pushed myself to my feet again and took off at a dead run. He followed me for a few paces and shouted some insults, but I blended into a big knot of kids and after a nano I didn’t hear him following me anymore. I made it to my classroom building and leaned against the side for a few nanos, catching my breath and waiting for my balance to come back. My head was still smarting pretty good.

For the rest of that cycle I was looking over my shoulder pretty much all the time, worrying that at any nano I was gonna get ambushed. It wasn’t a nice feeling. I was nervous and tense every nano, and needless to say I was having a hard time concentrating on my classes - and that really sucked because so much of what they were teaching us was new for me. I comforted myself with the knowledge that at least the minute-end was coming up, and I wouldn’t have to worry about classes for a couple cycles. Crash, I could hide in my room for the whole minute-end if I wanted.

I managed to lay low most of the cycle and not got waylaid again, and I was on my way back to the dorm when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I gasped and spun around, bringing my arms up automatically to defend my face. “Hey! Relax!”

“Lisa?”

“Yeah.” She smiled at me, but she didn’t seem happy. I couldn’t look at her for long - I just stared at my feet. “You all right?”

“Yeah - fine.” I mumbled. “I gotta go-”

“Wait!” She grabbed my arm, gently but she had a strong grip, too. “Stay and talk to me a nano.”

“I…I can’t…“

Lisa slid her hand down my arm until she was holding my hand, and dragged my off to a bench. I sat meekly next to her but I still wouldn’t - couldn’t - look at her. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore, the way you avoided my in conditioning class. And then you never showed up at lunch.”

“Sorry!” I said quickly. It had never occurred to me that she’d think that. “I Wasn’t avoiding- I mean- It wasn’t you…”

“I was wondering if I made you mad, or something.” She smiled. “And then someone told me about what happened last night.”

“Oh, no!” I tried to stand up, but she wouldn’t let go of my hand. “Please. I have to go-”

“Enzo - wait!”

“But…”

“Just wait. Are you OK? Did they hurt you?”

I hid my face in my free hand. “Please just let me go. I can’t talk about it.”

“Enzo… I’m sorry.” She squeezed my hand. “Those guys are just nulls, that’s all. They’re jealous of you ‘cause you’re such a good Guardian already and you’re younger than they are.”

“Lisa-”

“They didn’t hurt you, did they? Hit you or anything?”

“No.” I sighed. “They just pushed me down. And Calisto kinda punched me in the back of the head today. A little.”

“Oh, no!” She felt the back of my head, real softly. That made me forget about my problems for a nano anyways. “There’s a bump here - you should go to the infirmary.”

“No! I’m fine, honest. I just need to go back to my-”

“Ooh - I hate guys like that!” Lisa fumed. “Boys are all the same. Poor Enzo…”

I finally pulled my hand away and stood up - I couldn’t take any more. “Please - I just wanna be alone, OK? I’m sorry.”

Lisa looked really sad. “You promise you’re OK?”

“Yeah - promise.” I lied.

“Enzo - let’s go for a walk tomorrow, OK? We have the whole cycle free. Let’s walk up in those hills overlooking the town - I bet it’s really beautiful.”

That just confused the data out of me. Why in the net would she want to spend time with me? “Lisa, I… I don’t think I can-”

“Please?”

“I don’t think so. I-”

“Enzo…” she sighed. “I’ll meet you here tomorrow at fourteen hundred, OK? I’ll be here if you want to go.”

I stared at her for a nano, my curiosity finally overcoming my shame. “O…OK. I’ll think about it.”

“Good! So I’ll see you tomorrow.” She bounced up and squeezed my hand again, real quick.

“Maybe.” I whispered. She smiled and took off towards the girls’ dorm, and I headed off towards the boys’, more confused than ever.

When I went to the mess hall for dinner it was really crowded and really loud. It seemed like a little too much for me to deal with right then. I walked up to the counter I asked the service binome if I could take food to go, but she said no, there was no food allowed in the rooms. So I took a tray and looked for a quiet spot, trying not to look directly at anybody the whole time.

It wasn’t a good meal. Zip and Calisto spotted me, and they shouted out a few of the names they’d used on me the night before in the showers. Some of the other kids laughed, some didn’t. As for me I just sat there and ate as fast as I could and tried to ignore them, as if that were possible.

I finished my tray in record time and headed upstairs, and just sat on my bed with my eyes closed, trying to block everything else out, until Linux came in. “Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey.”

He tossed his stuff down on his bed and sat and didn’t say anything else for a couple of nanos. I went back to having my eyes closed. I still couldn’t find anything inside me to say to him - I was still hurting too much. Finally he sat down at my desk. “Whatcha doing tonight?”

“I dunno.”

“Um… I was thinking I’d go into town and check it out, since we don’t have classes tomorrow. Maybe see a quicktime or find an arcade or something. Wanna come?”

“No.”

“Oh. You sure? It might be alphanumeric-”

“No.” I sighed. “You go - I’m gonna stay in.”

“OK. I, uh, guess I’ll see ya later then.”

“Yeah.” I watched him get ready to leave for a couple of nanos. “There’s a pixels arcade on Baud Street - it’s pretty high density. If you’re looking for something to do.”

“Oh! Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“I’ll, uh - I’ll see ya later then. You sure you-”

“No.”

“OK.” He sighed. “See ya, then.” He sighed. Once he was gone and I was by myself I started to think about what the rest of my time here was gonna be like. As bad as yesterday was this cycle was almost worse - thinking about what had happened, worrying about what might happen. I hated Zip and Calisto and the other nulls that they hung with, but I really hated myself too - because I was too small and weak to do anything to stop them. Just a weak little sprite.

That started me down a whole line of thinking about what I’d do to those bastards if I was big and strong - how I’d never let anybody treat me like that again. Never let anybody humiliate me like that. I’d make sure everybody knew not to mess with me, or I’d fix their bitmaps good. I’d beat on somebody just for looking me at me wrong, and if they really messed with me I’d delete them. They’d respect me then - they’d have to, if I was bigger and stronger than they were.

And meaner.

I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. I just sat there, thinking about that. What it meant. And after a while I knew I had to do something. I picked up my organizer and searched the campus directory, and found the URL I was looking for and opened a vidwindow.

“Enzo? That you, Sugar?”

“Yeah - it’s me, Mouse. Hi.”

“Hi back atcha, Pumpkin. What’s processing - everything online?” She didn’t know - I could tell by her face. Teachers never knew about this kinda thing anyway - that’s how I figured it worked.

“Yeah. I guess. I was actually hoping you could do me a favor.”

“Well, I can try. What’d ya have in mind?”

I took a deep breath and mustered my courage. “I need to place a call. To Mainframe.”

“Mainframe?” she frowned. “You know we’re not supposed to call on the net unless it’s an emergency, Honey - or special circumstances.”

“I know, Mouse - but you could do it, couldn’t you? You set up the security systems yourself!”

“Is this an emergency, Enzo?”

“Um - no, not really. But-”

“Did ya want to call Dot, Sugar? Is that it?”

She thought I was homesick, thought that’s what it was all about! Well I was, but that wasn’t the issue. “No, I… Actually I was hoping I could talk to Matrix.”

“Matrix? Ain’t that somethin’.” She arched her eyebrows in surprise. “Honey, I dunno - it’s really against the protocols-”

“Come on, Mouse. You don’t always follow the rules, do you? Not even here? I really need to talk to him. Please?”

I had her there - Mouse had already been tossed out of the Academy once, and even if she was a teacher now she was still Mouse. I threw in my best pleading look for good measure. “All right, you win. I don’t feel right, you takin’ advantage of our friendship like this…”

“Sorry Mouse. But thanks! I really appreciate it.”

“Well, I know Sugar, I know. Let me make a little magic happen and I’ll link the call through to your organizer as soon as I connect, all right?”

“Thanks, Mouse! Thanks so much.”

“Sure.” She grinned. “Stand by.” She closed the vidwindow and I picked up my organizer and lay back in bed, waiting and thinking about what I was gonna say. The call came through after only a micro or so - Mouse is the best at what she does. Matrix’ face just popped up on my organizer.

At first, I was just so incredibly happy to see him that it crowded everything else out for a little bit. I could tell he was surprised, but he smiled after a nano too. “Kid?”

“Hey!” I whispered.

“Hey. User, it’s good to see your face!”

“Yours too! You have no idea…”

“Is everything OK? I didn’t expect you to call.”

“Yeah - sorta. Um - is AndrAIa there? Where are you?”

“At the archives. Working late again, y’know... She’s not here - why?”

“Don’t… Don’t tell her I called, OK? Or Dot or Bob? Or anybody. I don’t want ‘em to worry about me.”

“No chance of that, Enzo. They all are, anyways.”

I felt a little ‘ping’ in my heart. “I know - but don’t tell them, OK? Can we just talk between us?”

“Yeah - no problem.” He frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I just - I just needed to talk about some stuff. And I really wanted to talk to you because… You know. You know stuff about me.”

“Yeah. Sure.” He nodded. “What kinda stuff, Kiddo? You aren’t in trouble, are you?”

For some reason Matrix always asks me that question whenever I say I wanna talk to him. I have no idea why. “No! It’s just…”

“What? What’s up? You can tell me, Sprout - not a word to anyone else, I promise.”

I stiffened. “Please don’t call me that anymore, OK?”

“Sorry, Kid - just old habit.”

“I’m serious, Enzo - please don’t, OK? Promise.”

He frowned - even more than normal - but he nodded. “Sure, Kid. I promise, if it bugs ya that much. Now - what’s this all about?”

I sighed. How could I explain to Matrix what I was feeling? How could I tell him what happened? “C’mon, Enzo - spill the java beans. How’d ya manage to get a call through, anyways?”

“Mouse.”

Matrix laughed. “Of course.” He didn’t say anything for a few nanos, waiting for me to talk - but nothing seemed ready to come out. “Well - let me try and get things started, maybe. How you doing, Enzo? How are you adjusting?”

“OK.” I said automatically.

“OK? That’s all?”

“I… Matrix, it’s hard sometimes. I…” I looked away from the screen.

“I know. I know it’s hard, Kiddo. You had it pretty good here - it’s not easy to leave all that behind.”

“Yeah. But… It’s more than that.”

“What else? Come on - I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“When- When did you…”

“When did I what?”

I took a deep breath and looked back up at him. “Enzo, when did you start to- to hate yourself? To hate me?”

“What?” he frowned. “What in the net do you mean? You know I don’t hate you, Enzo! I thought we’d-”

“No - not now. I know you… I know you don’t hate me.” I smiled weakly. “But before, when you were alone with AndrAIa, in the games. When did you- when did you start to hate being me?”

“Oh. Oh, Enzo…” I could tell by the look on his face that it was a question he’d have preferred I never ask. “That was all a long time ago, Kid.”

“I know it was. But when? When did it happen?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “We were out there a while - time seemed to kind of run together, if you know what I mean. The longer we couldn’t find our way home, the more frustrated I got. And angry. You- You know…”

“Yeah.”

“It was feeling helpless that was the worst thing.” I knew there was no way Matrix would be admitting all this to anyone but me, but that was OK - that’s just how it was with us. “I couldn’t get us home, I couldn’t do anything to help Mainframe. I had an idea AndrAIa needed me to protect her - little did I know! But I wanted to. And it was tough, feeling like I couldn’t.”

“Yeah. So - how old were you? When you knew you hated it?”

“Enzo - I can’t answer that. It’s not like someone just threw a switch or something! I… It just happened, over time. I got an idea in my head that I had to change, become someone different. So that’s what I did. Tried to do anyways… Why are you asking me this? What’s going on?”

“Matrix - I… It’s really tough sometimes, being here. I…”

“Kid - I was stupid. What I tried to do wasn’t the answer - it never is. I never really liked what I became, no matter how much I tried to kid myself. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I just hate it!” I blurted out. “I hate being small! I hate being the smallest all the time, I just hate it!”

“Calm down. What’s this about?”

I was clenching my hands into fists and unclenching them, I was so worked up - which was something I remember seeing Matrix do, too. Funny. “They laugh at me. Because I’m so small. They’re all older and bigger and they laugh at me and push me around. And I hate it.”

“Are you all right? You’re not getting beat up are you?”

“No! Not that. Just… I hate it! I’m tired of being little! I’m 1.3 now - why aren’t I big? Why aren’t I getting strong, like you are?”

“Like I am?” Matrix ran a big hand over his face. “Kiddo, being big and strong doesn’t solve all your problems. Believe me, I know.”

“But-”

“Trust me. Don’t get obsessed with it, Enzo - you’ll grow up soon enough, and then you’ll be disappointed when you realize it didn’t fix everything.”

“But when?” I pleaded. “When do I grow up, Enzo? I’m 1.3! Why aren’t I grown up now?”

“You are growing up! You’re a lot more grown up than when… When I met you. You’re bigger, stronger, smarter. It’s just that those other cadets are older than you are, that’s all - and maybe you’re a little small for your age. So you’ve got to make up for it in other ways.”

“I don’t know how. I don’t know how to do it. Shouldn’t I be bigger than I am? More grown up?”

He frowned. “You’re a late bloomer, I guess. We are. Everyone matures at their own clockspeed, that’s all.”

“When? When does it happen? Please tell me!”

“Enzo… I don’t even remember. It’s hard to remember, it’s not like there were very many calendars out there. In- in a while. But you know, I really didn’t get my full height until I was 1.8 or 1.9.”

“Oh, User! 1.9? I’ll never make it!”

“Enzo! Take it easy. It didn’t happen in one cycle - it’s gradual. And I didn’t get, you know, how I am by accident. I worked out constantly - too much. It was like I was doing it to prove something I could never prove. And I still do it - it’s not like I even really want to, anymore. But I’ve been doing it for so long I guess I can’t stop.”

“I’m just so tired of being small. I’m sick of it!” I pounded on the bed with my fists, loud enough for him to hear it.

“I know. Believe me, I know. What’s wrong? Why is this such a big deal now, Kid?”

I breathed heavily and didn’t look at him for a few nanos. “I hate it, Enzo. I’m starting to hate being me.”

“What?”

“I’m starting to hate being me. And I don’t want to! I thought I was, you know - OK. But now I hate myself and I don’t want to!” What I didn’t say - but I think he knew anyway - was that I was scared of ending up like him.

“Why? Why do you hate yourself, Enzo? Just because you’re small? That’s basic!”

How could I explain it? I couldn’t bring myself to tell Matrix exactly what’d happened - I just couldn’t. “When… People push me around. They make fun of me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. And there’s a - I mean, what if there were a girl or something… Why would she ever want anything to do with me? I’m just a little sprite!”

“Sheesh, Kid… Sounds like you got a lot compiling over there.” I buried my face in my hands. “It’ll be all right, Enzo. First of all, any girl that wouldn’t have anything to do with you because you aren’t tall or strong probably isn’t a girl you want to be with, anyways.”

“It’s not just that.” I whispered. “I can’t get them to leave me alone. They won’t stop… They won’t stop.”

“Who are they?”

“Other kids. Big kids. Everybody. Everybody’s bigger than me, anyways.”

“I know.” Matrix sighed. “But you pretty much knew that was gonna be the way it was, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. But I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard.”

“Enzo - you know you can come home if you want to. Anytime you say so.”

“No. I don’t want to. I want to be a Guardian, spammit! I just wish it wasn’t so hard! It’s not fair - all those other cadets don’t have to be deal with this shit like I do!”

“Enzo!” I’m not sure Matrix had ever heard me use that word. “Better not let Sis hear you talk like that.”

“She could push me around, too.”

“Kiddo - I can’t make it all better for you. Nothing would make me happier, believe me - it uncompiles me to see you like this, and you’re not even here where I can be with you… It’s not easy. But I can give you some advice if you want.”

“Please. Anything.”

“Enzo… This is the path you picked for yourself. I know it’s hard, but if you want to make it work you’re going to have to find a way to make it happen yourself.”

“Oh, thanks a lot.”

“Did I say I was done? Did I?”

“No.” I sighed. “Sorry.”

“Do you want to be happy?”

“What? Of course I do!” What a ridiculous question!

“Think really hard about it, Enzo. Believe me, I’ve thought a lot about that question over the hours. Do you?”

“I…” I stared at him for a nano. I remembered what he was like, when I’d first come back after the restart. How he was, sometimes - even now. “Yes. I want to be happy, Matrix. I really do.”

“Good.” He smiled. “I do, too - it took me a long time to get here, but I do. And I really want you to be happy, Kid - as much as I want anything in the net. So listen up. You can’t ever be happy if you try to be me. Trust me, I know. You have to be yourself, Enzo - you lose that, and you’re lost. Understand?”

“Not really.”

“Look - we’re not the same sprite. We have the same code, more or less - but we’re different people. There’s something about you, Kid - something about you that makes everyone who loves you happy. And anyone you meet who’s worth knowing will see that, and they’ll like you too. You don’t hide yourself away - you let people inside, you let them see who you are. And they see how much you care about them, how good your heart is. And that’s why they like you. Understand?”

“But… What about - I mean…”

“Maybe you don’t see the effect you have on people. I don’t think I saw it, either, when I was little. But you make people happy, Enzo - just by being who you are. Just because of how you are - how much you just… Enjoy. Everything’s an adventure to you - a chance to have fun. And you make everyone who loves you happy. Don’t you think I’d give anything in the net to be able to do that again? Make people happy just to have me around?”

I’d never really thought about what he was saying, so it was weird to hear it. “Really?”

“Really. You have something special, Enzo. Don’t ever lose it - you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. And if you get so caught up in being angry and getting even with people you’ll lose it faster than you can believe. You’ll lose you, Kid. I don’t want to ever see that happen.”

“But…” It was strange to hear Matrix talk like this, even to me, but what he said was touching me right in my gut. “How do I get through this? How do I make people respect me?”

“You earn it, Kid. Let me tell you something - it’s pretty easy for me to make people afraid. I think I did it to you for a while, didn’t I?”

“I guess.”

He smiled. “I did it to everybody, don’t feel bad. But you know what?”

“What?”

“It’s a lot better to have people like you than fear you. Even better to have them love you. But the problem is that it’s a lot harder to get them to love you or even like you. Harder than making them afraid of you. I can make people afraid of me - I’m big and strong, I have a nasty-ascii gun and a bad temper. It’s easy. But I can’t get people to love me - not like you can. And I never will.”

“I love you!”

“I know.” He said softly. “AndrAIa too - always. But it’s different with family, and I don’t think Andri would’ve loved me if she’d met me like I am know. The reason she loves me is because she sees you in me, and she always will. And when I’m with her I can see a little of you in me, too. That’s one of the reasons I love her so much, I guess.”

“Do you really think that’s true?”

“I know it is, Enzo. I still have enough of you left that I can get a few people to like me - how’s that! But you have all of you - you’re Enzo. Why would you ever want to give up what makes people love you? Just because you grow up that doesn’t mean you have to lose the person you are.”

“But the person I am gets pushed around and laughed at and- and…” I almost told him about the shower nightmare, but I didn’t. “And no one respects him!”

“Wrong. The people who matter do. Respect is earned, Enzo. I’m not saying you can’t be tough. I’m not telling you not to stick up for yourself - crash, you always have. Just don’t worry about impressing the sort of sprite that pushes you around and makes fun of you. They don’t matter one byte - stand up to them and make them respect you - and then forget they ever existed.”

“You make it sound so easy!” I growled. “But how, Matrix? How do I do it when they’re so much bigger than me?”

That shut him up for a nano. He scratched his beard. “Well - you remember the stuff Bob and I taught you, don’t you? Weight and leverage and all that?”

“Yeah…” Not nearly enough.

“And they’re teaching you physical defense at the Academy, right?”

“Yes - but I need to defend myself now! And how do I make them respect me without getting into fights and stuff and, you know… Changing, like you said? Making them afraid of me?”

“OK… The first thing is, never let them know that you’re afraid of them. That’s important, Enzo - very important. You get me?”

“Yeah - sure.”

“Are you sure? Think about what you’re saying.”

I did. And the truth was, I was afraid of Calisto and Zip and Quantum and all those big boys - I’d been afraid of them from the beginning, and I was even more afraid now. “OK, maybe I am, a little. But how can I not be? They’re twice my size!”

“Doesn’t matter. Don’t ask me how I know, Enzo - just trust me, I do - but bullies thrive on fear. They do what they do because they like making people afraid of them. Don’t ever let them see that they’re getting to you - that they scare you. That’ll freak them out. Even if they are bigger and stronger, if you stand up to them and don’t back down they’ll leave you alone. It might take a while, but they will.”

“A while…” I sighed.

“Don’t let them control your life. That’s what they want. Stand up to them and be tough, and take your medicine if you have to - but don’t take it lying down. Never start a fight, but if they start one with you be smart about it. I know how smart you are - use your processor. I guarantee you, you’ve got more brains than they do.”

“Use my processor?”

“Definitely. Kiddo, look at everything you’ve been through already - losing Mom and Dad, the restart, Daemon… No one could ever say you’ve had it easy. But you survived because you were tough, just like I did. You’re still tough. Bullies hate tough guys - they’re not interested in kids who fight back, even if they are half their size. Once they see how tough you are, they’ll back off. I promise.”

“Really? You mean it?”

“Promise. It won’t be easy, but if you stick with it it’ll be OK. Just don’t let them change who you are.”

I wanted so much to believe him. I did feel proud of myself for getting through everything I had and still being a basically normal sprite, and I was definitely proud of everything Bob and I had done in the games. I was the youngest here, yeah - but that was something to be proud of, too. Heck, Laser asked me to come here when I was 1.0! But there was still the matter of forcing myself to stand up to Calisto and Zip and the others. Matrix was definitely right about one thing - I wasn’t him. I was a different sprite. Maybe it was because of having Bob in my life for so much longer or maybe it was something else, but I was definitely different.

“I’ll try, Matrix. I really will. But it won’t be easy - some of these guys are really tough. Some of them even shave! But I’ll try.”

“Good boy. Don’t be afraid - that’s the most important thing. That’s what they want.”

“Yeah. I’ll try. What about- what about the other thing?”

“Which other thing?”

“You know… Girls. All these other guys are taller and stronger and they can lift more and all that…”

“Spam that. None of those other guys have been in games since they were 1.0, I bet. None of them have been in Guardian training for three hours.”

“No. Maybe not.”

“Do you want a really special girl, Enzo? As special as AndrAIa? Or just any girl?”

“I’ll kill to have a girl like AndrAIa.” I sighed. “She’s amazing.”

“I know that, Champ. AndrAIa fell in love with me when I was 1.0 - she didn’t care that I wasn’t tall and strong yet. No girl that matters would care. Just be yourself, Enzo - that’s more than enough. Like I said, there’s something about you - you have something inside that makes people love you. Hang onto that and you’ll meet an amazing girl, and she’ll see all that. She won’t care about that other stuff any more than AndrAIa did.”

“You think?” I whispered.

“I know. But don’t be in such a hurry - you’re 1.3. When it happens, it happens.”

“Yeah. I guess. No hurry…”

“Enzo…” He squinted at me, then barked a laugh. “You already met one, didn’t you?”

“No!”

“You’re blushing, Kiddo! How about that…”

“Don’t tell Dot - please! She’ll get all gooey-”

“Don’t tell her what, Enzo? I thought you hadn’t met a girl yet?”

“Awww.” It was great having a big brother who shared my code, but it sucked sometimes too - he always seemed to know more about me than I did about him. “It’s no big deal. We just talked a couple times, that’s all.”

“What’s her name?”

“Lisa.”

“And does she care that you’re still little?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “She never said she did… But I don’t see how she wouldn’t! Not with all these other guys around here.”

“Have a little faith.” Matrix grinned. “In yourself. In other people. If she’s the girl for you, she won’t care about any of that stuff.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” I smiled. “She really is nice.”

“I’ll bet she is. Just be yourself and she won’t stand a chance, Little Brother.”

“Stop! And please don’t tell anybody - not even AndrAIa! It’s no big deal.”

“I said I wouldn’t - I won’t. OK?” I nodded and he shifted a little bit and looked down. “Uh, Enzo… Did… Has anyone had a talk with you about-”

“Don’t worry.” I blushed. “Bob and I talked before I left.”

“Good.” Matrix let out a deep breath. “Wow, my little bro - only gone a minute and already a ladies man. Who woulda believed it.”

“Stop! End file, OK? We talked like, twice - that’s all!”

“OK.” He smiled. “But you do like her?”

I stared back at him for a nano, then grinned. “Yeah. Definitely. She’s amazing.”

“That’s pixelacious, Enzo.” He stared back at me for a long time and sighed. “I wish I was there, Little Brother. I wish I could hold your hand through all this stuff.”

“I wish you were, too. It’s rough, sometimes.”

“I know. But you’ll be OK - I know you will. At least you get to come home sometimes - count yourself lucky about that.”

“I know. I know it was worse for you…”

“Least I had AndrAIa.” He sighed. “I hope you aren’t too lonely.”

I didn’t answer right away - I knew he wouldn’t like my answer. “I miss you. But Mouse and Ray are here. And my roommate is a good guy.” I said it before thinking about it, and it surprised me a little.

“That’s alphanumeric. His name is Linux, right? I think that’s what Bob said.”

“Right.”

“Well, I’m glad he’s a good kid.” He smiled sadly. “I miss the code out of you, Little Brother. Every cycle. You gonna be OK?”

“I think so. I’ll try my best.”

“Enzo, don’t fight if you don’t have to. But if you do, be smart! Use your quickness, use the enemy’s size against him. Don’t try and overpower somebody bigger than you. Smarter and quicker, right?”

“Right. Smarter and quicker.”

“Do what you have to do - and walk away. That’s what I could never do - walk away. Make them respect you like all of us do, all right?”

“I’ll try, Matrix.” I said softly.

“I wish I could say something more, Kid. I wish I could be there to help you.”

“I guess this is one of those things I’ve gotta get through on my own, huh?”

“Guess so.” Matrix sighed. “But I’m here - we all are. If you need me, talk to me. Like now, right? We aren’t gonna forget about you for a nano.”

“I know you won’t. Thanks.”

“Enzo… You gonna be OK? Really?”

“I’ll try. I’ll try an’ do what you said.” I could feel myself starting to get emotional again, but I choked it down - I figured the more emotional I got, the more likely it was Matrix would spill to Bob and Dot.

“You do that. I promise everything will work out. Be brave.”

“I hear that a lot!” I whispered. What I wanted to say was It’s easy to be brave when you’re big - but I didn’t. Matrix had to be brave when he was small, too - even braver than me. We tried to smile at each other. Sometimes I just didn’t feel like a whole person when me and Matrix weren’t together. “I really miss you.”

“Me too, Enzo. You take care of yourself. Don’t forget about Ray and Mouse, OK?”

“I won’t. Promise you won’t tell anybody any of this?”

“Yeah - promise. I’m here if you need me, OK? Just call.”

“OK. Thanks, Big Brother.”

“I miss you, Pal. Hang in there.”

“I will.” I smiled as bravely as I could and cut the connection.

After a couple nanos Mouse’s face popped up on my organizer. I composed myself as well as I could. “All done, Sugar?”

“Yeah. Thanks, M-Mouse.”

“No sweat. What’re friends for? You hang in there.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” She winked and then her image did too, and was gone.

* * *

I thought about everything Matrix said for a long time. I knew a lot of it was just to try and make me feel better, but some of it really hit me hard, too - especially the stuff about people liking me for who I was. There was never a doubt in my mind that Dot and Bob loved me, but some part of me was always wondering if it was because they had to - in Dot’s case - or because they felt sorry for me - in Bob’s case. As much as I wanted to be proud of who I was, part of who I was and still am is doubting myself. I guess it’ll never go away, and I know it’s a big part of Matrix too.

Talking to Matrix was also good because it helped me realize that I wasn’t him - which I’d started to doubt a little bit. No matter how hard I tried we’d always be different, and that was a good thing. His road wasn’t the road I wanted to take. What I needed was a clue about what my road was going to be.

I was really, really tired - I hadn’t hardly slept the night before and I’d spent all cycle in one big fright mode. I knew I needed sleep before anything else, and the other decisions could wait until the next morning. I’d already been out for a while when Linux came in and woke me up with his clomping around the room. One thing I was learning about Linux was that he was kinda clumsy, like he was trying out a new body and he wasn’t quite used to living inside it.

I rolled over and opened my eyes while he was sitting on his bed, kicking off his boots. “Hey.”

“Hi. Sorry I woke you.”

“No biggie. How was town?”

“It was OK. You should’ve come - it woulda been more fun.”

“Next time, maybe. What’d you do?”

“Y’know - hung around. Had a sundae, checked out the comics store and stuff. There were a lot of cadets around.”

“Any cute girls?”

He giggled and blushed a little. “Some, yeah. Really cute.”

“You go to the pixels arcade?”

“Naw. We’ll go together when you feel like it.”

“Cool.” I yawned. “I’m pretty low-res - I’m goin’ back to sleep. C ya.”

“Yeah, C ya. Night, Enzo.”

“Night.”

“I’m, y’know… Sorry.”

“I know, Linux.” I closed my eyes, yawned again, and in a nano I was asleep.

* * *

The first thing I decided when I woke up was that I was gonna take a shower. Small steps, y’know? I just decided to take things one step at a time, and then see how I felt before I moved on to the next one. Like how I decided I was gonna deal with being away from home for so long - break it into little pieces that were more manageable than one giant two hour block. I couldn’t fathom how I’d deal with all the shit (sorry, but I really like that word) that was going on at once, so I’d just deal with one thing at a time.

Obviously taking my showers at night wasn’t doing the job anyway, so in a way I had nothing to lose. I was afraid but I made a commitment to try and be like Matrix, and not show my fear. What did I really have to be embarrassed about anyway? In a couple of hours I’d look like the rest of those jerks anyways - better! So who cared what I looked like now? Maybe if I repeated that over and over I’d believe it in an hour…

I stood outside the door for more than a few nanos, just taking deep breaths and trying to get my courage up. I finally managed to convince my legs to work, though, and slowly pushed my way inside. Walking into the showers when they were full of cadets was definitely a new - and freakish - experience. There were a bunch of guys there in various states of undress, and believe me, now more than ever I was conscious of just how much younger I was than most of the kids here. But I’d made a commitment, and I’d be deleted before I gave up on it now.

A couple of guys cackled at me when they saw me, and I froze for a nano when one I didn’t know stepped in front of me and stared me down. “Gotta admit, Sprout - you got guts coming back in here.” I shrugged, he chuckled and stepped aside, and I found an empty shower stall.

It wasn’t easy to take my icon off - not after what’d happened. But I had to do it, sooner or later - and rather than wait till I stunk like yesterday’s recycle bin I swallowed the lump in throat, ‘booted out of my clothes and set the icon down on the bench - as close as possible to where I was standing, I admit.

I won’t say it was the longest shower I ever took, but I took it and I survived. I dried myself off and ‘booted into my uniform inside the stall, but crash, there was no law against that - so what if it was a little cramped? Most of the seconds were wearing their casuals but I felt like wearing the uniform, and they could byte me if they didn’t like it.

“Hey - it’s Mister Smoothie!” One guy cracked as I was brushing my hair in front of the big mirror. “Gonna give us some more entertainment?”

“Not today.”

“Crash, Kid - I never saw anybody run so fast in my life! I thought I was gonna laugh my ascii off.”

“Glad you enjoyed it.” I sighed. I finished up, grabbed my stuff and headed out. A couple of the younger guys looked at me with what seemed almost like sympathy - although I’m sure they wouldn’t have traded places with me in a million hours.

I dumped my kit in my room, intentionally making enough noise to wake Linux up - so sue me, I felt like it - and started heading down for breakfast. I was famished. “I took a shower already - I’m gonna head straight for the mess.”

“Dude - really?” he yawned.

“Yeah.”

“Was it… Was it OK?”

“Yeah - it was wet.” I grinned. He laughed and said he’d meet me downstairs in a while.

I couldn’t remember being that hungry since I came to the Academy. I had an order of French toast and potatoes and a biscuit and gravy, and I even went back for seconds on the French toast, which caused the lady binome behind the counter to give me a funny look. Hey - I was hungry.

I was just finishing up my second tray when Linux sat down with his first, scratching his head and yawning. “Dude - you ate fast. Done already?”

“You don’t even know - these are seconds!”

“Really? Is it good?”

“It’s OK. Like usual - nothin’ special but it fills you up.”

“Guess you were hungry.”

“Yeah.” I grinned. I guess having accomplished one small thing - going into the showers with all the other guys and surviving - was making me feel a little better about myself. In fact, you might say it made me cocky. “Think I’m gonna head over to the rec room - check it out, see what’s processing.”

Linux raised an eyebrow at me. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I don’t wanna sit in our room all cycle, y’know?”

“High density. I’ll meet you over there when I finish.”

“Alphanumeric. C ya.” I grabbed my tray and stood up.

“Uh… Are we cool then?”

“Yeah - we’re cool.” I smiled and pounded him on the shoulder, hard.

“Ow!”

“Sorry!” I laughed. “C ya.” I made the walk over to the rec room feeling almost good, for the first time in two cycles. That should have been my first warning, I guess, but sometimes it takes me a while to learn life’s lessons.

It wasn’t too crowded in there - maybe only four or five cadets, I’m not exactly sure because the memories don’t start getting really vivid until later. I know I said “Hey” to a kid I didn’t know and he said it back and no one said anything about ‘the incident’ and everything seemed fine and then I saw Helix - the kid who showed me around on the first day - and waved at him and he waved back.

They had a lot of high-end simulator type stuff in there, but I really liked the 3D pinball games, which they only had two of. One of them was open so I took a seat back there and started playing and hoped that the other machine would free up by the time Linux got there so we could hang out together.

I hadn’t been playing for very long - maybe a millisecond - when something hit me on the back of the head, right in the same deleted spot where I had the bump from before. “Ow!”

“I’m ready to use this machine, Soft-boy. You can get up now.”

I shook my head, feeling a little woozy. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly, that might be why I did it. “Byte me, Zip.”

“Maybe you didn’t hear me. Get out of here and don’t let me see your sorry ascii in here again, Meat. This is for cadets.”

“I got here first! Wait your turn.”

“Yeah, that’s it - keep talking.” He grabbed me and started to wrestle me out of the way.

“Hey!” I wriggled out of his grasp and shoved him. “Stop it, you son of a null! I was here first!” Unfortunately I saw Calisto was there too, grinning like the moron he clearly was.

“This just keeps getting better.” Zip smiled. “I’m giving you one more chance to leave, Soft-boy - and not come back. I suggest you take it.”

I should have, maybe - there’s something to be said for picking your fights. But I didn’t, for some reason - I stood my ground, trying not to show the fear that was grinding my insides up. “I’m a cadet - this is my rec room. I’ll use it whenever I feel like it.”

“Having a few friends get you into the Academy doesn’t make you a cadet. You don’t deserve to be here and you never will.” And then he did something which shocked me and really boiled my code - he spit on me. No one had ever done that before, and if I have anything to say about it no one ever will again. I was shocked at first - I stood there with my mouth open for a few nanos. Then I wiped my face and without a word I flew at Zip.

Well, that was a mistake, obviously - like Matrix said it was dumb to try and overpower somebody bigger than you. I got the drop on him for a nano, ‘cause I think he was surprised - he stumbled backwards and I managed to get a good grip on his neck - but once he had his balance he threw me off pretty easily and we stood there facing each other for a nano. By this time no one in the rec room was paying any attention to the games.

“You’re going to be very sorry you did that, Boy.” Zip smiled.

“Infant needs his ascii kicked!” Calisto laughed. “Cool!”

“Come on then, Puppy. You wanna go, let’s go.” I just scowled at him, panting pretty hard. I wasn’t sure if this was what I wanted, but it was beginning to look like I wasn’t gonna have a choice. When it came down to it, though, I was really scared to fight Zip. He towered over me and his arms were as wide around as my legs, seemed like. “Come on! What’s the matter, Gutless? You scared of me?”

I growled and lunged at him with my right, but he slipped out of the way. It was stupid - I was angry and out of control, and I lost my balance. He popped me a good one right on the mouth and I staggered back. I tasted blood and spit it out on the floor, trying to ignore the rising pain.

By now everyone who was in the room had gathered around us, some of them cheering us on. But they all seemed to fade away as Zip and I circled each other, and all I saw was his grinning face. And then a funny thing happened.

The rec room wasn’t a rec room any more - it was an arena, a stadium. My processor flashed back, way back, almost all the way to the reboot. I saw Zip, but in my head I saw Zaytan - the demon that took Matrix’ eye. I’d been a little sprite when I faced him - still 0.1, scared and lonely and in awe of how much bigger and stronger he was than me. He almost deleted me that cycle, with Matrix watching - and I’d seen Matrix face and I knew he didn’t think I had a chance. Just like all these cadets didn’t think I had a chance now.

I probably didn’t have a chance back then - but I didn’t delete that cycle. I faced Zaytan and I refused to die - I looked at him and I saw his weaknesses, just like Mouse said to do. I didn’t have green fire shooting out of my feet and fists now, but Zip didn’t have a trident that shot magma either and I was pretty sure no matter how bad it got, he probably wasn’t gonna crush my skull. That’d get him expelled for sure.

OK, so… Mouse said to look for weaknesses. Matrix said to use my quickness and wits. I had something else, too - experience. I was sure I’d been in more games than Zip had. Yeah, Bob had been there for most of them but I’d never lost one yet - I was still here, processing. That had to count for something.

The only glaring weakness I saw in Zip - who, unfortunately, had a whole hour of Academy training under his belt - was overconfidence. Clearly he expected to kick my butt without any trouble. I was also pretty sure I was quicker than he was, just like I had been with Zaytan - there was a lot less of me to move from one place to the other. Zip had long arms and legs - he was taller than Bob.

He waited back for a little bit, expecting me to make another wild lunge at him like I had before, which I wasn’t about to do - I wanted to see him come at me so I could try and figure his style out a little. I didn’t and he finally got tired of it. He feinted with his left hand and swung his right towards my face. Like I said he had long arms, and it was a looping kind of punch that I could see coming. I ducked it and rolled to my left, giving him a quick two handed shove in the ribs under his swinging arm.

Zip grunted and teetered back a step, but he regained his balance pretty quickly. He was breathing a little harder now but still grinning. He came at me sort of sideways, leading with his left, not giving me a clear shot at the area Mouse had exposed in Hal’s defenses - not that I’m sure I would’ve attacked it anyway, even though I would’ve enjoyed it. He still wanted me to go at him and I still wouldn’t play along - I wanted him in motion as much as possible.

Next he tried a quick jab with his left hand, which I barely deflected with my right and it kinda bounced off my ear, stinging just a little. He tried to follow it up with a right but I bounced back out of the way. “Come on, Chickenshit - you wanna fight or run away?”

That worked on me once - it wasn’t gonna work again. Bob’s voice was playing in my head, repeating all the calming exercises he’d taught me. I started to move my feet a little, dancing from side to side, waiting. I knew his reach was a lot longer than mine, which was gonna make punching him tricky. But I got my first chance - he kinda separated his fists, looking for an opening, and I jabbed my left out quickly right between them and caught him on the nose. He growled and immediately threw a big roundhouse punch with his right, which I’d have walked right into if I’d jumped back - but I followed my quick punch closer to him and his looping one went behind my head. I pushed him hard in the chest and he was already off balance, so he fell right back on his bitmap.

There were a few hoots and hollers from the onlookers then, and I had to fight hard not to smile. I was still in deep trouble, and I knew it, but at least I had his attention now. “Did you like that one?”

Zip snarled and bounced up to his feet, and he was seriously pissed off now. “You’re gonna delete, Soft-boy.” He charged right at me with his fists flying, but I slid out of the way again and slapped his ear. More hoots. The longer it took for him to bust my ascii the madder he got, but that wasn’t a bad thing for me. He was mad, I was calm. You don’t have to be big to stay cool - you just have to be smart. Another weakness exposed.

I had that sensation that I’d felt way back when I was 0.1 and facing Zaytan - that my muscles were springs, that I was faster, quicker than I’d ever been. All of a sudden I knew I could run token rings around Zip - he could chase me all cycle and he’d never catch me. I think he saw the confidence in my face and that steamed him even more - he growled and launched a big overhand punch towards me and even tried to kick me, but I dodged out of the way.

“Keep coming. Let’s do it.” I said softly. Now he was the one breathing hard, even though I’d really only hit him once. I figured he wouldn’t be expecting me to go after him now, since all I’d done is wait for him and react - so I guessed if I was ever gonna gamble, this would be the time. I feinted a jab towards him with my left, and he brought his fists in tight over the middle of his face to protect his nose. As soon as he did that I put everything I had into my right and launched it towards the side of his face, which was unguarded.

Everything seemed to slow down. Zip couldn’t see too well from behind his fists so he was slow to react, and by the time he saw the punch coming it was too late. My fist pounded into his face, right below his left eye. I felt the impact all the way up my arm and into my shoulder, and I went numb for a nano. He let out a yell and fell backwards, banging up against a wall.

If we’d switched places I’m pretty sure I woulda been knocked out - Zip is a whole lot stronger than me. Even so he was definitely stunned - the side of his face was turning red and I could even see it start to swell up a little. The room got pretty loud - I heard some cheers and some laughter. He straightened up and steadied himself, and he looked madder than I’ve ever seen anyone.

I figured I’d never have a better chance than right now, when the memory of that punch was still right in the front of his processor. I put my guard up and took a couple steps towards him, and then Zip looked away from me - up, over my shoulder. I was confused for a nano. Then the first of two really surprising things happened.

Someone grabbed me from behind, right over the elbows, and pinned my arms back at my sides. “Hey! Lemme go!”

I could see Zip’s shoulders relax, and he took a step towards me, smiling. I heard Calisto’s voice, right in my ear. “You’re dead now, infant.” His breath stank, I remember that.

“No! Lemme go!” I tried hard to bust free but Calisto was just too strong - I couldn’t move my arms at all, just flail my legs a little bit. Zip advanced on me, still smiling. He stood in front of me for a nano and I stared right back at him. Then he reared back and punched me, right in the gut, as hard as he could.

I can say for sure that it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. I felt all the breath shoot right out of my body and if Calisto wasn’t holding me I definitely would have gone down. I just couldn’t believe anything could hurt that much. I felt like I was gonna throw up for a couple of nanos, but I didn’t - when that passed I just had waves of nausea rolling up and down and I could feel tears in my eyes and sweat running down my face and User, did my gut ache.

I stood there wheezing, trying to get some air back in my body, and my senses slowly began to come back to me. Zip didn’t hit me again right away - I guess he wanted me to be fully aware of what was coming. As I slowly started to feel human again I got madder and madder, but more then anything I was just totally amazed at what a worthless piece of shit Zip was.

When I finally shook the sweat of my eyes and looked up at him, I was smiling. I gathered as much breath as I could I could and whispered up at him. “It’s a good thing for you this null is holding me.”

His eyes widened a little and he grabbed me by the chin. “I think it’s time I messed up that pretty little face now, Soft-boy.” He drew his arm back and I squeezed my eyes shut and cowered against Calisto’s chest, bracing myself.

That’s when the second really surprising thing happened - while I was waiting to get my face bashed in, I heard a voice shouting “Hey!” and the punch never came. After a couple of nanos I opened my eyes and saw Quantum walking towards us. “What the codeswap are you doing?”

Zip looked a little nervous, all of a sudden. “Stay outta this, Man. This is my fight.”

“If it’s your fight, why is he holding the kid?”

“Back off!”

“What in the net is wrong with you?” Quantum pushed Zip in the chest. It was the minute-end and he hadn’t shaved, and I swear he looked as tough as Matrix right then. “You got a kid half your size, and when you can’t take him on your own you get somebody to hold him for you?”

“I can take him just fine!”

“Nullbrain!” He slapped Zip on the forehead, and a few people laughed. Quantum swung around to face us. “Let him go. Now!”

“Whatever.” Calisto tried to sound casual, but his voice was trembling. He let me go, though. I was still a little too shaky to stand up and I went down to my knees.

“You OK, Little Man?”

“Yeah.” I whispered. “Gimme a nano.”

“User - I can’t believe this crap! Two guys beatin’on a kid small enough to step on. What in the code were you thinking?”

“He had it coming!” Calisto protested. “He-”

“Shut up before I shut you up.” Quantum scowled, emphasizing his point by boxing Calisto on the ear, hard. He squealed and backed off. Quantum stood there with his hands on his hips for a couple of nanos. “Just get out of here. Get out before I really get mad. Crash…”

“Look-” Zip started to interrupt.

“Did I hear something?” Quantum took a step towards Zip. “I thought I heard something…”

“Fine!” Zip slithered towards the door, Calisto a couple strides behind him. He glared at me. “This isn’t over, Soft-boy.”

“What’re you, basic? What part of ‘get out’ don’t you understand?” Quantum moved towards them and they scurried out. He stared after them for a nano, shaking his head, and no one else in the room said a peep. I just stayed on my knees, slowly getting my breath and thinking I must have dreamed the whole thing. It sure didn’t seem real.

Finally Quantum walked over and stared down at me. “Sure you’re OK, Sprout?”

“Yeah… Fine.”

“I dunno what you’re waiting for - I ain’t gonna help you up.”

“Sorry!” I pushed myself to my feet and wavered a little bit, and he grabbed my elbow and held me steady. “Uh… Thanks.”

Quantum shook his head again. “I don’t like to get involved in somebody else’s business - but I got limits. If he was kicking your ascii that’d be one thing, but holy schneikies - getting’ his buddy to hold you while he hit you… That’s just level one BS.”

“He started it.” I said softly. “He’s been torturing me ever since I got here, practically.”

“Well - maybe. But you gotta stand up for yourself.” He looked me over thoughtfully. “I got to give it up, Little Man - you’ve got marbles, standin’ up to him the way you did.”

“Uh… Thanks.” I smiled a little. “He didn’t give me any choice, though. After what he did to me in the showers-”

“Yeah, I know about that.” He chuckled. “You’re not the first kid that’s ever happened to, believe me.”

“Really?”

“Listen, Kid - I probably would’ve just let those nulls do whatever they wanted, except you showed me somethin’ in that game the other cycle. Like I said - you’ve got marbles. And you got in a damn good right today, too - he’s gonna have a hard time seein’ out of that eye for a while.”

“I hope so.”

He laughed. “Stay outta trouble, Sprout - I’m not your mother so don’t expect me to kiss it and make it better every time you scrape your knee.”

“No - I won’t.” I grinned - painfully - and stuck out my hand. “Thanks, though.”

Quantum laughed again and shook my hand. “Fair’s fair. I can’t let crap like that go on in my Academy. See ya around.” He tousled my hair and left. Once he was gone and I started to relax, I realized just how beat up I was - my hand hurt from where I’d punched Zip (OK, so I could deal with that one), my stomach was still killing me, and my mouth was bleeding a little from his first punch. All in all, a good cycle’s work.

“Enzo! That was amazing!” I didn’t even know Linux was in the rec room till he put his arm around my shoulder.

“Oh - thanks.” I smiled weakly. “How long you been here?”

“Dude - I saw the whole thing. Before that other kid held you back you were kicking Zip’s butt!”

“Not really. I got in a lucky punch.”

“You were high density - it was so cool!”

“Thanks.” A couple other guys came over and patted me on the shoulder and shouted out congratulations. Even Helix pointed at me from across the room before he went back to playing his simulator. I won’t lie - that felt really good. I was in pain but it was definitely worth it. I’m sure I had a pretty big smile on my face.

“Are you OK? Maybe you should go to the infirmary.”

“Can’t Dude - then they’d know I was fighting.”

“They’ll know if you’ve got a broke hand, too.”

I looked down - my knuckles were black and blue and a little swollen, and they hurt when I flexed my fingers. “I don’t think anything’s broken, Linux. Just bruised a little bit.” To be honest the pain in my hand wasn’t a patch to the ache in my gut - knowing how I’d acquired each probably had a lot to do with that.

Linux still sounded worried. “OK - if you say so. You’ve got some blood on your chin, by the way.”

“Really?” I wiped my sleeve across it and was surprised to see a streak of red, and I spat blood on the floor, feeling more grown-up than I ever had in my life.

Linux had the same sort of look on his face that he had when he found out I’d been a Guardian since I was 1.0. “Man, I still can’t believe it - that was really alphanumeric. Weren’t you scared?”

“Uh… Yeah, actu