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By: CPFace

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Episode 6

(We're in the office.  Hacker X greets us.)

Hacker X: (with that badly-dubbed voice of his) Welcome, fans and readers of The Adventures of Boot.  With the absense of Dot and Bombo, I, Hacker X, have taken over the Boot script room!  I now control the destiny of Mainframe, nay, the Net itself!  In the coming episodes, all shall fall before me as I rebuild the entire ReBoot universe to my liking!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

CPFace: (stepping in) What the -- hey!  What are you doing here?

Hacker X: I am taking over The Adventures of Boot!

CPFace: No no no no.  See, you're not in this series anymore.  Didn't you get the memo?

Hacker X: What memo?

CPFace: Well, see, with the direction the series is taking and everything, well, I just don't think you're the kind of character we need.

Hacker X: But I'm Bob's long-lost twin brother from --

CPFace: No, see, I made all that up.  It was for a joke.

Hacker X: This is an outrage!  I'm calling my agent!  (picks up the phone and starts dialing)

CPFace: (turning to the audience) Hi, sorry about all this.  Listen, I think this is going to take a while.  Why don't you just enjoy today's episode, and I'll get everything smoothed out in here.  Hope you like it.

(Cut quickly to the opening sequence. Bob does the narrative.)

(The warm, delicious ReBoot theme song plays as scenes flash by: Dot using her organizer and suddenly disappearing in a flash of light; Hack and Slash painted white with red R's on their torsos, weird hairdos, and a cat between them; Bob talking to Phong on two windows at once; Bob's apartment building suddenly explodes; Bob and Mouse in formal ballroom attire dancing the Charleston; Phong in the Principle Office with Mike the TV, who's displaying Phong in the Principle Office with Mike the TV, who's displaying Phong in the Principle Office with Mike the TV, etc.; and Megabyte looking horrified at a figure in the shadows.)

(We're somewhere in the Web.  A moment or two passes before the silence is shattered as Matrix goes screaming past.  Shortly afterward, AndrAIa goes screaming past.  A bit later, Enzo goes screaming past.  Another bit of silence and Bob goes screaming past.  Hesitate a moment.  Another moment.  Bob walks back into the shot.)

Bob: Dot?

(Cut to Dot, who's sitting somewhere in the Web, using her organizer.)

Dot: (to the binome in her organizer) And make sure everything's spell checked and double-spaced, then make five hundred copies for the stockholders.

Bob: (walking in) Dot, this is no time for ridiculous overcharacterization!  We're under attack!

Dot: I can't help it.  If I don't have this report out in a cycle, Mitchell will have my head.

Bob: We're lost in the Web!  I think Mitchell can wait until you safely return to Mainframe.

Dot: Oh no he can't.  You wouldn't believe how many battles against Megabyte he dragged me away from just because I didn't have his account report in on time.

Bob: Well, can you at least wait until we get away from the --

(Suddenly, a swarm of pop-up ads surrounds them and starts firing particle beams at them.  Bob starts storing up a ball of energy, but it suddenly fizzles, sputters, and stops.)

Bob: Oh no, I'm all out of energy!

Bob: Quick, we have to hide!

(Bob and Dot start running away.  Suddenly, a slow-motion shot of one of the beams striking Dot's organizer.  As she slow-motion runs away, it falls gently to the ground, landing with the keyboard down.  As Bob continues to run, Dot suddenly stops.)

Dot: (slow-motion talking) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattsssssssssssssssssssssssss wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffffffffffff aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll (suddenly normal again) this slow motion stuff?  (suddenly notices) My organizer!  Where is it?

(Dot spots it, some distance away.  She turns to see Bob, quickly running in the opposite direction, certainly leaving her behind.  She's torn, looking at her organizer, then Bob, then her organizer, then Bob. . .)

(A shot of Bob running.  Suddenly, a hand reaches out and pulls him behind a wall.  Bob panics and starts beating the grabber repeatedly.)

Matrix: Whoa, Bob, it's only us!

Bob: Oh, Enzo, I thought you were one of Megabyte's lackeys.

(AndrAIa jabs him with her claws.  He passes out.)

Matrix: Hey, what was that for?  He stopped hitting me.

AndrAIa: I know.  He just bugs me.

Enzo: (bitter) Well, this was a brilliant idea.  (mockingly) We'll go to Yahoo and find a port to Foxfire Studios.

Matrix: Hey, how was Bob supposed to know --

(Cut dramatically to two giant gelatinous blobs in the Web swallowing each other up.)

Matrix: (voice-over) -- that while we were gone, Yahoo and Geocities merged to become a Superpage. . .

(Lightning as the blobs glow, fusing together)

Matrix: . . . An entity with the power to crush the entire Net. . .

(They are one.  Web creatures flee from it, but are swallowed up as it advances.)

Matrix: . . . A force known only as. . . Yahoo Geocities. . .

(Cut back to where Matrix, AndrAIa, Enzo, and a passed-out Bob are hiding from the pop-up ads.)

AndrAIa: Say, where's Dot?

(Cut to Dot, who's watching the pop-up ads surround her organizer.  One of them picks it up and starts playing with it.  Dot gets a dark look on her face.)

Dot: (cracking her knuckles) I don't think so.

(The pop-ups turn to look at her just as Dot, with a flying kick, drives her foot through the ad that had her organizer, smashing it instantly to pieces.  Before the ads can react, she drives her umbrella through an unwary ad nearby, which falls to the ground with a crash.  The other ads surround her as she unleashes a flury of wild punches, smashing windows left and right.  A nanosecond later, she stands alone, panting, as bits of pop-up ad rain down on her.  She bends down, brushes their scraps away, and picks up her organizer.)

Dot: Hey, what's all this garbage on the screen?

(The camera shows that the screen is full of random symbols.)

(We're in the shed at Old Man Pearson's data dump.  Pearson is sitting in the dark, talking with someone on a vidwindow.)

Pearson: Ye don't understand!  Dot Matrix's personal organizer was created with a flaw.  It only manifests itself when its user is in the Web and a specific series of keys are pressed, followed by the delete key.  It causes the organizer to shoot out rays of energy that surround the user and --

Mike the TV: (from the window, tired) And. . . is there a reason you're telling me this?  At 0300?

Pearson: (sheepish) It's just been bugging me, is all.  And I'm lonely.

Mike the TV: (flatly) Good night, Pearson.

Pearson: (apologetic) Good night.

(Dot hits the delete key on her organizer.  Suddenly, rays of energy shoot out and surround her.  She disappears in a flash of white light and the organizer falls ominously to the ground. A bar or two of a rather familiar theme song plays.)

(Cut to a city somewhere, where a yellow blob creature with a large ray gun is talking to three pink blob creatures.)

Yellow: You are too late!  With my killing device, I will be able to kill you all!

Pink: Oh no!  We are doomed!

(Suddenly, a giant foot appears next to them.  They turn to look.  The pink blobs panic and run away.)

Yellow: Oh no!  It is the User, coming to destroy me!  I will kill her with my killing device!

(The yellow creature pokes the foot repeatedly with the gun.  Pan up. . . up. . . up.  . . to reveal that the foot belongs to a giant Dot Matrix.  She feels herself being poked and looks down.)

Dot: Eww!  You're a big ugly bug!  You go squish now!

(Dot stomps the ground repeatedly.)

(Cut to down below.  There's yellow slime all over the place.  The pink creatures catiously approach.)

Pink: Look!  The User has come to our system, and she has saved us!

(Cut back to Dot.  There are soft sounds of the blobs' celebration.)

Dot: Eww, you're ugly too!  Squish!  Squish!

(Dot continues stomping out the creatures.)

(Cut to an office of some sort where a pink blob is sitting.  The place rocks like it's in an earthquake with every step Dot takes.  Suddenly, a pink blob rushes into the room, panting.)

Pink: Sir!  The User has somehow entered the system, and she's destroying us all!

Pink: Then we have no choice.  Fire the thing-killing beam!

(Cut to Giant Dot, walking through the city curiously, causing pain and destruction everywhere she goes.)

Dot: Huh.  I wonder where my organizer is.

(Suddenly, she's hit by a beam of some sort.)

Dot: Oww!  Stop trying to kill me!

(Dot picks up a building and uses it to smash the thing-killing beam gun.)

(Cut to the office.)

Pink: She's destroyed the thing-killing beam gun!

Pink: Then there's only one thing to do.

(Dot walks through the city some more.  Suddenly, there's a tiny voice.)

Pink: (off-screen) Please, Miss User. . .

(Dot looks down at the pink blob at her feet.)

Pink: Please don't smash us anymore.  We don't like it.

Dot: Oh, I didn't know that you didn't want to be smashed.  Of course I'll stop.

(The pink blobs cheer.  Suddenly, Matrix, Enzo, AndrAIa, and a passed-out Bob appear next to Dot.)

Enzo: Eww!  Gross bugs!

(Enzo starts mashing the blobs into the street.)

Dot: Hey!  Stop doing that!

Matrix: Dot, you're all right!  We got a little worried when you were zapped into your organizer, so we found out how to get in so that we could get you out.

Dot: You mean, this tiny city and all these blobs are in my organizer?  Well, go ahead and smash them then; I thought they were real.

(The city is gone; everyone's standing on a flat plane that's covered with pink slime.)

Enzo: That was fun!

Matrix: You know, as long as we stay in your organizer, we're safe from the degrading effects of the Web.

Dot: Oh, that's right!  I had my organizer degradation-proofed just in case we'd end up in the Web someday.  Why don't I just program it to head for Foxfire Studios, and we can ride inside it?

AndrAIa: What a good idea!  I'm glad things worked out this way.

(Everyone has a good laugh about nothing in particular.)

(Hexadecimal is sitting in the middle of a circle of children with a large storybook in her lap.)

Hexadecimal: Once upon a time in the system of Mainframe. . .

(Dissolve to Dot's Diner, where Dot is hard at work with several dozen windows.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) . . . There lived a beautiful sprite named Dot Matrix.  Dot Matrix ran every business in Mainframe, which kept her very busy.  In fact, she was so busy all the time that everyone called her "Workaholic".  She lived in the apartment behind her restaurant with her wicked steproommate, Mouse.  One fateful second. . .

(Mouse enters in formal ballroom attire.)

Mouse: Are you still busy with all that nonsense, Workaholic?

Dot: (controlled, practiced response) It's not nonsense and my name is Dot.

Mouse: Whatever you like, sugah.  Have you forgotten about Prince Bob's ball tonight?  All the lady sprites in the system are gonna be there.

Dot: So. . . me and you then?

Mouse: And AndrAIa, yeah.

Dot: Well, I hope you have a good time.

Mouse: C'mon, Workaholic.  You can't miss this.  You're gonna drive yourself random with all this DOC-pushing one of these cycles.

Dot: I know.  It's just. . . well, all these reports just keep piling up, and Mitchell's going through a severe audit, so that doesn't help anything. . . besides, I don't have anything to wear.

Mouse: Well, don't say I never tried, sugah.  Would the packhorse like me to bring her home a piece of cake?

Dot: Thanks, that'd be nice.  Say hi to Bob for me.

Mouse: Ah will.

(Mouse leaves.  As Dot works away in her lonely little booth, night falls across Mainframe.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) Fortunately for Workaholic, help was on the way.

(Hexadecimal appears in a flash, holding a magic wand.)

Hexadecimal: Hello, Workaholic.

Dot: (barely looking up) Oh.  Hi Hex.

Hexadecimal: I'm your viral godmother, here to help you in your cycle of need!  What seems to be the matter?

Dot: Well, Prince Bob is having a ball tonight, but I just can't make it.

Hexadecimal: Oh, that's too bad.  Can I go instead?

Dot: Sure.  My invitation's on the counter there.

Hexadecimal: Oh how wonderful!  It'll be just like a fairy tale!

(Hexadecimal grabs the invitation and vanishes.)

(Cut to an establishing shot of a false front of a beautiful castle that's been erected in front of the Principle Office.  Fade inside, where general ballroom stuff is happening.  There's a brief shot of Matrix and AndrAIa dancing, just because I happen to like the idea of Matrix all done up in formal ballroom attire.  Bob and Mouse are talking by the punch bowl.)

Bob: I can't believe Dot hasn't shown up yet.  You know, I specifically held this thing to try and get her out of the office for an evening.

Mouse: Ah, you know how old Workaholic is.  All work and no play, and she's happy as a plugin.

Bob: . . . What's that supposed to mean?

Mouse: Ah don't know.  The author just can't think of any good computer analogies, so he's just throwin' stuff out.

(The music speeds up.)

Mouse: C'mon sugah.  Let's tear up that dance floor.

(Mouse grabs Bob and takes him to the dance floor.  Everyone gets out of their way as they dance the Charleston.  And it's very impressive and everything.  You'll just have to take my word for it, won't you?  This is all just a text file, so I don't have to choreograph or animate anything!  I could just as easily say that there's two thousand extras in the room, each doing a different exotic dance, and it wouldn't cost me any more than the scene that's happening now.  I control reality!  BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  But, enough of that.  Hexadecimal appears in a flash next to the dancers.)

Hexadecimal: Mind if I cut in?

Bob: (stunned, horrified, thirsty) Hex?

Mouse: Now look, honey, if you're lookin' to start something. . .

Hexadecimal: Oh please, dearie, don't be such a bad sport.

(Hex casually flings Mouse aside.)

Bob: Hex, please, I. . .

Hexadecimal: Come, Bob, let me take you away from all this.  Bippity boppity boo!

(The ballroom dissolves around them and they appear in Hex's lair.)

Hexadecimal: I hope you like it here.  We'll be staying for some time, I believe.

(Bob looks very worried as Hex's laughter fills the room.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) And so, Prince Bob and the viral godmother lived happily ever after.  Or, until she decided to kill him, I suppose.

All characters in this story are the property of Mainframe Inc., and are used without permission. I didn't receive any money for creating this story, and I am not affiliated with Mainframe Inc.

This story is Copyright © 1999 CPFace. Having said that, you're free to reproduce it by any means you see fit, but you're not allowed to make money off of it. As if you could.

(We're back in the office with CPFace and Hacker X.)

Hacker X: And who are you to decide what's best for this series?

CPFace: Well. . . I'm the one writing it, I think that's got to be good for something.

Hacker X: But what about all my fans?  What do I tell them?

CPFace: Look, I can see that we aren't getting anywhere like this.  How about we let them decide?

(CPFace points at you.  Yes, you, the one with the keyboard who's reading this.)

Hacker X: Sounds fair enough.

CPFace: Good.  (addresses you) All right, this is Hacker X, an original character from The Adventures of Boot.  He had a pivotal role in Episode 3 when he tried infecting Mainframe with worms.  It's up to you, the readers, to decide if he should live or die.

Hacker X: What?

CPFace: Send those votes to cpface@execpc.com.  The results will be announced and executed in Episode 9.  Vote early, vote often.

Hacker X: Is this legal?

CPFace: No more questions from this point on.