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By: CPFace

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Episode 2

(We're in the office. Dot is sitting behind the computer, using the mouse. Bob is sitting nearby in an armchair, looking somewhat stressed out.)

Announcer: (voice-over) We now take you to Bob and Dot, who are discussing their new series on the ReHuCoHa.

Dot: Look, I sent the pilot to Jerry, and he said he loved it.

Bob: So when's the contract going to get here? Is he even going to air the pilot?

Dot: Just give him time. . . he's really busy.

Bob: Have you heard anything yet from Mainframe Inc?

Dot: No. Still no word yet about a fourth season.

(A moment of silence.)

Bob: So, is Al's still hiring?

Al: (off-screen) WHAT?!

(Cut quickly to the opening sequence. Bob does the narrative.)

(That dramatic ReBoot theme song plays as scenes flash by: Matrix being kicked by a kid in an airplane, Bob and Dot sitting in the office, Daemon watching Celebrity Deathmatch, Bob and Slash in a boat floating up the River Styx, baby versions of the ReBoot characters playing in a sandbox, Emidecimal in a strange costume blasting Megabyte in a strange costume, Enzo beating up Bob while Matrix stands nearby laughing, Mike the TV on the set of Biography, and Bob and Dot looking up, startled, as the sky turns dark.)

(Fade in to an establishing shot of Megabyte's new lair in the Web which, due to a total lack of originality on my part, looks exactly like the former Silicon Tor. Cut to the interior of the Tor. Timmy, the giant Web creature, is tied down to a bed, with some sort of large lazer device aimed at him. Megabyte is at the controls.)

(Timmy whimpers)

Megabyte: Oh, come on. Stop being such a big baby. You knew coming into this job that you'd be my guinea pig if I ever came up with some hare-brained experiment like this.

(Timmy whimpers more.)

Megabyte: Yes it's in your contract. Don't blame me if you didn't read the whole thing. Now, hold still, this is going to hurt a lot.

(Megabyte pulls a lever. A beam zaps Timmy, making him glow, vibrate, and shrink.)

Megabyte: Yes! It works! My new file compression ray works! Now, all I have to do is lure everyone in Mainframe here one by one, get them to lie on this table and let me shrink them, and then I'll rule Mainframe!

(Timmy growls questioningly at Megabyte.)

Megabyte: Well, I'd have to shrink them because it would make it easier for me to conquer them.

(Timmy growls questioningly at Megabyte. Again.)

Megabyte: Yes, I suppose I'd have already conquered them if I had them here.

(Megabyte looks downcast.)

Megabyte: (glumly) I wonder if there's any room for this thing in the garage.

(Megabyte walks off. Timmy growls consolingly.)

Megabyte: No. Forget it. The moment's passed.

(Cut to a shot of a guy sitting behind a computer. You get the impression that this guy is up in the clouds, what with how the floor is made of clouds and the desk is made of clouds and there's no walls, letting you see the sky. The guy is wearing voluminous robes and speaks with a deep, mighty voice. Thunder crackles all around him.)

User: Well, now to install yet another game on my precious computer. How I loathe playing the same game twice.

(The User inserts a CD into the drive and types at the keyboard. An annoying sound is made, and a window pops up on the screen: "Error. Disk C: is full.")

User: What? How can that be? I thought I had 11 gigs in this thing! Well, I suppose I'd better delete something.

(The User starts browsing through the file directory.)

User: Hmmm. . . my Lucy Lawless pictures. . . no. . . my IRC logs. . . no. . . Ah!

(The User double-clicks on the folder "Citizens of Mainframe.")

User: Let's see. . . . What the? Why do I have two copies of "Enzo.mat"? Well, I guess I'd better delete one of them.

(Cut to a tennis court where Bob and Slash are talking. One of Slash's arms has been replaced by a tennis ball launcher, and he's firing them in fairly rapid succession off-camera.)

Bob: No, you keep missing him. You've gotta lead him a little bit.

Slash: Like this?

(Enzo, off-screen, starts crying out in pain.)

Bob: Yeah, there you go. Hey, what do you think of the new opening?

Slash: It's all right. Are those scenes all taken from actual episodes, or did you make some of them up?

Bob: Well, they're all from plans. . . see, the nice thing about working with a text-based show is that you don't have to film an episode before you can take scenes from it.

Slash: Huh. Neat.

(There's that follied sound effect of someone falling down.)

Bob: Slash, stop the balls for a nano.

(He does so. Bob gets a strange, sadistic gleam in his eyes.)

Bob: (hostile sympathy) Oh, Enzo? Is something the matter? Would you like to come over here and talk about it?

(Enzo staggers in.)

Enzo: You told me you were going to teach me to play the Games, but you're just pelting me with tennis balls! You didn't even give me a racket! I mean, how's that supposed to teach me anything about how to be a Guardian?

Bob: (hostile calm) You know, Enzo, if this Guardian training is too much for you. . .

Enzo: No, it's just that I get this feeling that you want to destroy me or something.

Bob: Enzo, if you can't master a simple Game like tennis, what makes you think you can be a Guardian? You do what I say, or I'll see to it that you never become a Guardian. Have I mentioned lately that I control your destiny?

Enzo: Yes. . .

Bob: Good. Now, fifteen laps around the court for you, and then we'll do another set, okay?

Enzo: Okay. . .

(Enzo jogs about a meter away and disappears in a dramatic flash of lightning. Bob and Slash consider the event thoughtfully for a moment.)

Bob: Hey, Slash?

Slash: Yeah?

Bob: Have you seen Enzo lately?

Slash: Not since he disappeared a nano ago.

Bob: Me either.

(They ponder that a moment.)

Bob: Maybe Dot knows where he is.

(Cut to Dot's Diner, where Dot is sitting in a booth with several stacks of files and open vidwindows, acting very busy. Bob and Slash enter.)

Bob: Hi Dot.

Dot: (dull, soft monotone) No talk. Working.

Bob: Uh huh. Listen, have you seen Enzo?

Dot: (suddenly looking up and paying a lot of attention to Bob.) What? I thought he was with you! You were supposed to be watching him this second! Did you lose my baby brother? What did you do to him?

Bob: So, you haven't seen him either. Thanks.

(Bob and Slash leave. Cut to an outside shot of Dot's Diner.)

Bob: Gee, I guess we'd better find Enzo, or else Dot's going to get really mad at us.

(Suddenly, a police car pulls up. A heavy-set policeman rolls down the window and addresses them.)

Cosgrove: Hey guys. I got three tickets to see Macbeth on Ice. Wanna come?

Bob and Slash: Would we!

(Cut to a shot of a skating rink, where the William Shatner binome is enacting the infamous dagger soliloquy.)

Macbeth: Is this. . . a dagger I. . . see before me, the. . . handle. . . turned toward my hand? Come, let. . . me clutch. . . thee. . .

(Pan over to where Bob, Cosgrove, and Slash are sitting.)

Cosgrove: Hey, in case you were wondering where Enzo is, I heard the User's planning to delete him. You might want to get him out of the Recycle Bin before the User empties it.

Bob: That's a good idea! C'mon Slash.

Slash: Wait! We're going to miss the musical number.

(Pan back over to the play.)

Macduff: O horror, horror, horror! Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee!

Macbeth and Lennox: What's the matter?

(Two dozen extras skate up and start doing a well-choreographed skating sequence as rollicking music plays and Macduff sings.)

Macduff:

Cooooonfusion now hath made his. . . masterpiece!
Most sacrilegious murder hath broke oooooope
The Loooord's annointed temple. . . and stole hence
The liiiiiife of the buiiiiiildiiiiiing!

Chorus:

Whaaaat is it you saaaaaay?
The liiiiiiiiiife?
Mean you his Majesty?

Macduff:

Aaaaaapproach the chamber and de. . . stroy your sight
With a new Gorgon. Don't bid me speeeeeeeak!

Chorus:

Doooooon't biiiiid meeeee speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!

(Cut to a shot of a heckish underworld type place -- the Recycle Bin. It looks like a rather bleak amusement park, with demons operating the rides and concession stands. Carnival music plays in the background. Pan across the wasteland to the entrance, where Bob and Slash are standing. The Grim Reaper is there.)

Grim Reaper: Please have your hand stamped so you may return to the land of the living. Thank you for coming to the Recycle Bin. We hope you enjoy your stay.

(Bob and Slash have their hands stamped and walk through the turnstile. The camera follows them as they walk through the Recycle Bin.)

Slash: I wanna go on a ride! Can we go on a ride?

Bob: No.

Slash: Look, the Python! I wanna go on that! Can we go on that?

Bob: No.

Slash: How about the ferris wheel? Can we ride the ferris wheel?

Bob: (becoming agitated) No.

Slash: Please? Just one ride? Can we go on the River Styx? I wanna go on the River Styx!

Bob: Fine! All right! If it'll shut you up, we'll go on one ride!

(Cut to a scene where Bob and Slash are in a boat, with a demon acting as the ferryman. The boat is floating very incredibly slowly down the river. Slash is unable to contain his excitement and Bob is terribly bored.)

Bob: (to the demon) Is this all this ride does?

Demon: I could punch you in the face if you want.

Bob: No thanks.

(The demon punches Bob in the face.)

Bob: You know, that wasn't that bad. Could you do it again?

Demon: First one's free; the next'll cost you.

(Bob starts digging in his pocket for some credits. Cut to the end of the ride, where Bob and Slash are exiting the boat.)

Bob: There. Have you finally had enough?

Slash: Yep.

Bob: Good. Now maybe we can finally go on a ride that I want to go on.

(Cut to the Recycle Bin's entrance. Slash has an all-day lollipop and Bob's got a balloon.)

Slash: This was the best second ever! Can we come back next second?

Bob: Well, we'll have to wait and see. You know, maybe Enzo would like to. . .

(Bob looks like he's just remembered something and slaps himself in the forehead. Cut to a room crowded with binomes and other files. Enzo's also there. The door opens and Bob pokes his head in.)

Bob: C'mon Enzo.

Enzo: Okay.

(Cut back to the Recycle Bin entrance. Bob, Slash, and Enzo approach the exit. The Grim Reaper calls to them.)

Grim Reaper: We hope you enjoyed your stay! Come back soon!

Bob: We will!

(Suddenly, the Grim Reaper appears in front of Bob, Slash, and Enzo.)

Grim Reaper: Hold on! (points to Enzo) That file is marked for deletion. No one but the User may let him leave.

Bob: Oh. Okay.

(Cut to a scene where Bob and Slash are flying away from the Recycle Bin.)

Bob: Too bad about Enzo.

Slash: I'll say.

(Cut to the office. Bob and Dot are sitting at the desk, reading from a laptop. CPFace is sitting nearby expectantly.)

Bob: Okay. . . . Umm, what's the deal with this part in the beginning where I'm trying to destroy Enzo?

CPFace: Oh, that. . . See, I had you channeling the personality of my high school Phy Ed instructor. See, the situation was, you said you were training him to be a Guardian, but you were really just delighting in his pain, sort of like my instructor. I just thought it would be funny to do a play on him that way.

Bob: Oh, okay. . . I get it. . . yeah, that's kinda funny. . .

Dot: So. . . how does Enzo escape from the Recycle Bin?

CPFace: He doesn't. He gets deleted.

(Bob and Dot stare at him, aghast.)

Bob: You want to just kill him off?

Dot: You can't do that! He's the only character we have who the little kids can relate to. Why do you think we brought him back at the end of season three? If you kill him off, we're missing an entire demographic group.

Bob: Rewrite this. Give us an ending where Enzo doesn't get deleted.

CPFace: All right. . .

(Fade in to the scene where the Grim Reaper appears in front of Bob, Slash, and Enzo.)

Grim Reaper: Hold on! (points to Enzo) That file is marked for deletion. No one but the User may let him leave.

Bob: Let him go! Take me instead!

Grim Reaper: Okay.

(Cut to a scene where Enzo and Slash are flying away from the Recycle Bin.)

Enzo: Too bad about Bob.

Slash: I'll say.

(Cut to the scene in the office.)

Bob: You're fired.

CPFace: You can't fire me; I don't even work for you. I'm not affiliated with Mainframe Inc. in any way, shape, or form. This fanfic is completely for non-profit purposes, and --

Dot: Yeah, save it for the disclaimers. Just get out of here.

CPFace: Can I have my computer back?

Dot: No.

CPFace: Fair enough. (He leaves.)

Bob: (typing away on the laptop) Okay. Let's see if we can salvage this mess.

(Fade in to the same scene as before.)

Grim Reaper: Hold on! (points to Enzo) That file is marked for deletion. No one but the User may let him leave.

Bob: We're not going anywhere without Enzo.

Grim Reaper: The only way he may leave is if you win. . . the Challenge. If you win, he can go free.

Bob: And if I lose?

Grim Reaper: Then you both must stay for eternity! (cackles madly) Or until the User empties the Recycle Bin, I suppose.

Bob: Fine. I accept your challenge.

Grim Reaper: Very well. . . What number am I thinking of?

Bob: Fourty-seven.

Grim Reaper: Darn. You win.

(Bob and Dot are staring at the laptop, looking rather dismayed.)

Bob: Let's just run the ending where Enzo gets deleted.

(Cut to a scene where Bob and Slash are flying away from the Recycle Bin.)

Bob: Too bad about Enzo.

Slash: I'll say.

(Cut to a scene where Matrix and AndrAIa are standing on stage. Matrix is dressed in a tux, and there's a top hat sitting, top down, on a small table nearby.)

AndrAIa: And now --

Matrix: Hey, AndrAIa! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

AndrAIa: (annoyed) Again?

Matrix: (ripping off the sleeve of his jacket) Nothing up my sleeve. . . (He reaches into the hat) Presto! (Matrix pulls a Web creature's tentacle out of the hat. It wraps around his neck and drags him into the hat.)

AndrAIa: And now, here's something we hope you'll really like.

(Hexadecimal is sitting in the middle of a circle of children with a large story book in her lap.)

Hexadecimal: Once upon a time in the system of Mainframe. . .

(Dissolve to a scene of Emidecimal sitting in Dot's Diner, wearing a red, hooded cape.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) . . . There was a little young virus named Little Red Virus Hood. Everyone called her that because, wherever she went, she always wore her bright red hooded cape. One day. . .

(Dot walks up to Emi.)

Dot: Oh, Emi. . .

Harsh whisper: (voice-over) Red Virus Hood.

Dot: Right, right, Red Virus Hood. . . Hexadecimal is so sick. Why don't you bring her a basket of goodies to make her feel better? I'd do it myself, but I'm busy reorganizing my video collection and I loathe her deeply.

Emi: Sure thing!

Dot: Great. . . Now, you be careful walking through the woods on the way to Hex's house, because that's where the Big Bad Null lives.

Emi: Oh, come on Dot. I've been to Hex's house a million times; I can take care of myself.

Dot: Great. You can pick out anything from the diner to take with you. Have fun and don't get into trouble.

(Cut to a different scene. Emi is walking down Baudway. Various binomes are holding up cardboard cut-out trees to give the impression that she's walking through a forest.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) Emi was. . .

Harsh whisper: (voice-over) Red Virus Hood.

Hexadecimal: Yes, Red Virus Hood was on her way to Hex's house when all of a sudden. . .

(Emi stops walking. Several moments pass.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) <ahem> When all of a sudden. . .

(Megabyte is chased on-camera by someone with a cattle prod. He's wearing an incredibly stupid null costume, and you can see his face sticking out of its. . . umm. . . do nulls have throats?)

Megabyte: (not very willing) Grr. I am the Big Bad Null. Where are you going, little girl?

Emi: None of your beeswax!

(Emi fries Megabyte to a crisp and walks past him. Cut to an establishing shot of Hex's cozy little cottage, then fade to the interior. Hex is lying in bed with a hot water bottle on her head.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) Finally, Emi arrived --

Harsh whisper: (voice-over) Red Virus Hood.

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) Oh, shut up. Finally, Emi arrived at Hex's house.

Emi: (Walking in) Hi Hex!

Hexadecimal: Why, Emidecimal! What a surprise!

Emi: Boy, that trick about being sick sure worked; you've got everybody convinced!

Hexadecimal: Why thank you. Did you bring the. . . goodies?

(Emi pulls a ridiculously large lazer device out of the basket.)

Hexadecimal: My, what a big gun you have!

Emi: All the better to. . . destroy the Principle Office!

(The two cackle madly for a moment. Cut to an aerial shot of Mainframe. A moment later, the Principle Office explodes into a beautiful, firey ball of reds and oranges.)

Hexadecimal: (voice-over) And that's the story of how we destroyed Mainframe once and for all.

All characters in this story are the property of Mainframe Inc., and are used without permission, except for Emidecimal (property of Emidecimal, used with permission) and CPFace. I didn't receive any money for creating this story, and I am not affiliated with Mainframe Inc.

© 1999 CPFace. You're free to reproduce it by any means you see fit, but you're not allowed to make money off of it.