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By: CPFace

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Episode 11

(We're in the office. CPFace has a video game controller in his hands, and he's staring at Mike the TV with a cold, dead expression as violent video game noises fill the air. Bob and Dot stand nearby impatiently.)

Announcer: We take you now to the office, where Bob and Dot are having a discussion with the author.

Bob: So. . . How about writing the new episode of The Adventures of Boot?

CPFace: (dazed) Ten more minutes. . .

Bob: You've been saying that every ten minutes for the past year and a half. I think we've given you enough time. Up. Now.

CPFace: (still dazed) Ten more minutes. . .

(Bob and Dot turn to each other.)

Bob: Well, I suppose this is what it's come to.

Dot: Yep.

Bob: Only one thing left to do now.

Dot: Indeed.

(They share an ominous nod, then exit stage left. CPFace sits alone with his game for a moment.)

CPFace: This new Smash Brothers is so fun. . .

Ominous Voice: (singingly) Oh Edward. . .

(CPFace blinks, then looks over at stage left, so startled that he drops his controller.)

CPFace: AAAUGH!

(Hexadecimal drifts in, expelling little viral symbols from her hands that wrap around CPFace.)

Hexadecimal: (singingly) Play time is over! Let's get to work on the show now.

(Hex smirks, drifting away, dragging CPFace along behind her. He struggles, trying to reach for the fallen controller.)

CPFace: No! Luigi! Promise me you'll wait for me!

(Hex and CP exit. Bob and Dot return nonchalantly.)

Bob: Well. . . It wasn't pretty, but it had to be done.

Dot: Agreed.

Bob: Now. . . I think it was my turn next. . . (He reaches for the controller.)

(Cut quickly to the opening sequence.  Bob does the narrative.)

(The delightful ReBoot theme song plays as scenes flash by: a very old Matrix sleeping in an armchair as children run past with scissors; a dragon pouring ketchup on Megabyte; an aerial view of Mainframe with sheep raining on the system; Matrix carries AndrAIa into a hotel room, hangs a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob, then enters, closing the door behind him; a room full of ninjas training; Frisket's eyes dart back and forth suspiciously; Hacker X reaches for his mask and pulls it off to reveal. . . .)

(We're in the middle of Kits Sector. The scene is exactly like we left it, except Bob and Dot aren't there. Everyone watches as Dot comes in stage right, dragging Bob along behind her.)

Bob: Aww, c'mon Dot. . . Just one more game?

Dot: No. We're not losing you too.

Matrix: Well, nice to see you back.

AndrAIa: So. . . Anyone remember what's going on?

Bob: Sheep took over the system, we're huddled in the relative safety of Kits Sector, that sort of thing.

AndrAIa: Right, right. . .

Dot: Okay. . . Phong? Do we have a headcount yet? Anyone not accounted for?

Phong: Well, we seem to be missing Captain Capacitor, Princess Bula, Ray Tracer --

Dot: Regular characters, Phong. You know, the important ones.

Phong: Hmm? Oh, yes, yes. . . (He consults a vid window) Well, let's see. . . I believe the only regular character we're missing is. . . Mike the TV.

Bob: Oh no! We left him in the Principle Office!

Dot: Don't worry; I left a TV dinner for him.

Bob: Oh, well that's all right then.

AndrAIa: We've got to do something about the sheep who've taken over the Principle Office.

Bob: Don't worry. I've got a plan.

(Everyone exchanges apprehensive looks. Matrix nudges Dot.)

Dot: Ummm, right, yeah. . . Well, you see. . .

Bob: (considering Dot suspiciously) Is there something wrong with me having a plan?

Dot: No! No, no, nothing at all, it's just uh. . . (She looks to the others desperately, hoping for some help but not finding any. . . An idea suddenly strikes.) Oh! It's just that I got you that appointment with Suzie.

(Everyone nods enthusiastically in agreement.)

Bob: (narrowing his eyes) The hairdresser?

Dot: Yeah, yeah. . . I mean, I knew you've been too busy to get a haircut since we returned, so I thought I'd surprise you, so. . . surprise!

Bob: (considering his hair thoughtfully) Well, I am getting kind of tired of cutting myself in my sleep.

Dot: (pushing him on his way) Great! Well, off you go then, don't worry about us, we'll get this all figured out.

Enzo: Nice save, Dot.

Dot: Thanks. That should give us enough time for me to do one of my good plans! And I think I know just the one. . .

(AndrAIa suddenly bursts out laughing.)

AndrAIa: Oh, I get it! 'Cause he's a TV! That's why you gave him a TV dinner! That's so funny!

Dot: (rolling her eyes) Yeah, glad you liked it.

(Cut to an ominous, mysterious place somewhere in the depths of Yahoo! Geocities. David Bowie stands, twirling his crystal balls idly in one hand as Megabyte approaches, looking somewhat weary after his experiences in Yahoo! Geocities.)

Megabyte: Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great. . .

David Bowie: (nonplussed) . . . So?

(Megabyte hesitates for an awkward moment, taken off guard.)

Megabyte: So. . . You know. . . I'm here to take Timmy back before you assimilate him into your little thing here.

(Timmy appears, looking more evil than usual.)

David Bowie: Actually, I already assimilated him. Ages ago, in fact.

Megabyte: (confused) Wait a nanosecond, I thought you said I had four episodes to try and get him back.

David Bowie: (rolling his eyes) I know, but it's been over a year since the last episode, I got bored, so I went ahead and did it anyway.

Megabyte: (growling at CPFace) Oh, thanks a lot. . .

CPFace: (indignantly, still tied up in Hex's code) What? I've been busy.

Megabyte: (turning back to Bowie) All right, that's all well and good, but you know. . . (with the air of someone saying something very important) You have no power over me.

(Bowie considers him with a smile.)

David Bowie: Well, thank you, I'll be sure to make a note of that one.

Megabyte: (apprehensive) Isn't the world supposed to crash down around you and you get horribly, vaguely defeated?

David Bowie: (shrugs) That was only a movie.

Megabyte: (realizing things don't look good) Umm. . . I have big claws! I'll cut you up!

David Bowie: Of course you will. Any last requests before I order your pet to eat you alive?

Megabyte: (thoughtfully) Give control of all Yahoo! Geocities to me.

(Bowie looks startled, then sighs.)

David Bowie: I've got to stop allowing last requests.

(Cut to the front of the Principle Office. A giant wooden penguin is being wheeled up to the loading doors. A small group of Poe come out to investigate, then begin to push it through the doors of the Principle Office.)

(Pan to a nearby stack of crates where Dot, Enzo, Matrix, AndrAIa, and Mouse watch.)

Dot: (smugly) The Poe aren't the only ones with trojan horse abilities.

Enzo: So what's the plan?

Dot: We wait for system shutdown, when all the Poe are asleep. Then we all climb out of the penguin and take them by surprise.

Matrix: (blinking) Who climbs out of the penguin?

Dot: You, me, Enzo, AndrAIa, and Mouse.

(Everyone stares at Dot in disbelief for a moment. Dot frowns as realization sets in and Mouse shakes her head in disgust.)

Dot: Well, maybe if we make a giant monkey --

Enzo: (pointing straight up, shocked) Backspace! Backspace!

(Everyone looks up and flees in terror as the giant penguin comes crashing to the ground on the spot where they'd just been sitting.)

(Establishing shot of the Web, with the Yahoo! collective drifting through menacingly.)

(Interior. Megabyte, Timmy, and Scribble Dragon are gathered in a makeshift throne room.)

Megabyte: (checking things off thoughtfully on a piece of paper) Let's see, I've taken over Webring. . . Simplenet. . . Pepsico. . . Counting the free space, all I need is one more for Conglomerate Bingo! (sinister chuckle)

(Timmy sniffs at the hastily edited-in character thoughtfully.)

Scribble Dragon: (does something adorable)

(Timmy eats him.)

(A shot from over Megabyte's shoulder. Several companies are listed in a five-by-five grid, with a clear line of check marks forming a line through the center. One box is left unchecked--)

Megabyte: Mainframe. . .

(Umm, yeah, I was going to say that.)

(Exterior shot of the Yahoo! collective. It suddenly pauses and does whatever it has to do to open a portal to Mainframe, then blobbily squelches through it.)

(Exterior Mainframe. A huge Web portal opens and a big old ball of gooey Yahoo! flows in. We pull back to see that Megabyte was watching the transfer's progress from a vidwindow, Timmy waiting evilly behind him.)

Megabyte: Ah, Mainframe. . . This place does bring back memories. . . It's funny how different everything looks now. . .

(He looks the system over thoughtfully for a moment. . .)

Megabyte: My Tor was right here. . . That nice sushi place was right there. . . This was where I was going to build that public pool. . . Never quite got around to that though. . . Stupid Matrix. . . All well, there'll be time for that this time. (He pulls out a microphone and addresses the system below him over a loudspeaker) Citizens of Mainframe. . . I'm ready to infect you all now. . . If you'll please form a single queue, we can --

(And suddenly, Megabyte and Timmy vanish. They reappear in Hexadecimal's throne room. She considers them with a smirk from her throne as they reappear. Megabyte pauses, looking like he wants to go pale but can't quite manage it.)

Hexadecimal: (invitingly) Well, hello again. . . dear brother. . .

Megabyte: (turning to face her, cautious) Hexadecimal. . . Well well. . . How nice to see you. . . alive. (Ching! Claws!)

Hexadecimal: (waving a hand dismissively) Oh, come now. . . It's been so long; let's not get into that right away again. . .

Megabyte: (considering her suspiciously) Aren't you going to try and annihilate me for that time when I captured you and forced you to help me in my battle against Mainframe?

Hexadecimal: (with a sad sigh) Well, normally I would, but it's just been so lonesome up here lately. . . They never make me a part of the story anymore. Sure, I have all sorts of interesting little foibles and quirks that could fill up entire hard disks with the episodes they'd inspire, but everytime someone stops by they just -- (suddenly furious) Are you trying to leave?

(Megabyte and Timmy stop in their tracks, wincing as they turn back to meet Hexadecimal's angry gaze.)

Megabyte: (awkwardly) Well, erm. . . It's just that, you know. . . We've got a system to take over and all that. . . You understand, right?

Hexadecimal: (suddenly friendly again) Oh, there'll be time enough for that later. (A small table with a setting for two suddenly drifts down from the ceiling.) Can't I interest you in some tea?

Megabyte: Not now, Hex, we've got important --

Hexadecimal: (offering a silver platter) Would you like a dog biscuit?

Megabyte: Hex. . .

Hexadecimal: (enticingly) Fresh dog. . . not from concentrate. . .

(Megabyte and Timmy exchange a thoughtful glance.)

Megabyte: Well. . . I do like dog. . .

(Cut to Suzie's Hair Boutique. Bob is seated in a chair as a female One tends to his locks with a wire cutter.)

Suzie: So, did you have the day off from school then?

Bob: Uh, I don't go to school anymore. I graduated.

Suzie: Oh really. . . Well, congratulations, what did you get your degree in?

Bob: I went to the Guardian Academy. I majored in Guardianing.

Suzie: Well, that's a nice degree. . . So what do you do now?

Bob: I'm a Guardian.

Suzie: Oh, that's nice. . . So do you work around here then?

Bob: Uh, yeah, I've been Mainframe's Guardian for the past four seasons now.

Suzie: Oh, really. . . Did you hear about those sheep taking over the system?

Bob: Uh, yes. Yes I did.

Suzie: Seems like something like that happens every week around here. . .

Bob: Well, it's been kind of quiet lately.

Suzie: Yeah, that's true. . . Well, there, looks like you're all done.

(Bob's sporting a somewhat shorter, polished version of his Season 3 hairstyle.)

Bob: Wow, that's. . . That's pretty nice, thanks.

Suzie: And make sure you use a rustguard shampoo on it so it'll stay nice and healthy.

Bob: Yeah, I usually do.

Suzie: There you go then! Have a lollipop.

(Bob smiles as he picks out a nice shiny red one.)

Bob: Well! I hope everyone else's second is going as well as mine.

(Cut ominously to Mike the TV, lying in bed. An alarm clock goes off and he pops out of bed bright and chipper.)

Mike: Yay! First day of sweeps week!

(He trots out the door of his room happily, passing a folded note on his dresser. . . Then he trots back into the room and considers it.)

Mike: Hello. . .

(He opens the card, and a hologram of Dot appears.)

Dot: Dear Mike. Sheep have taken over the system. Fled to safety. Dinner in the freezer. Love, Dot.

Mike: Yay! Dinner!

(He tosses the card away and hops happily down the hall of the PO, humming a happy tune as the Poe consider him, too startled to react. At last, he reaches the freezer, pulls out the TV dinner, and hops happily down the hall of the PO again. He pauses by a small window with a keypad.)

Mike: Wow, a microwave in the middle of the hall! That's so convenient!

(He pops the dinner in and sets the machine to five nanoes. For a longish moment, he stands next to the machine, humming happily and tapping his foot as he waits for his meal to cook. Then, with a bar of sting music, we pull back to show a large flashing sign above Mike's head: "System Self-Destruct Activated". A large arrow points to the device Mike just set, which is, in fact, the system self-destruct unit.)

Mike: (blissfully unaware) I love TV dinners. . .

(Cut to the entrance of the Principle Office. As a sheep passes by, there's a loud pounding. He turns and answers the door. Matrix is standing in the doorway, with a red cap, red shirt, blue overalls, a fake moustache, and a pizza box with Gun stuffed obviously in it.)

Matrix: (faking an italian accent) Good-a afternoon-a! Super-a Mario-a Pizza Delivery! Someone-a here-a ordered a pizza?

(The sheep gives Matrix a cold, disapproving look.)

Matrix: (a bit embarassed) Can you see the --

Poe: (coldly) Yes.

Matrix: Even though it's in the --

Poe: (coldly) Yes.

(Matrix sighs and walks away dejectedly.)

(Cut to the small group at the edge of the PO as Matrix walks up, grumbling as he wipes the pizza sauce off Gun.)

Dot: Well, I'm all out of ideas.

Mouse: (annoyed) Well, fine. Ah've got a honeymoon ta get back to. If ya'll pardon me. . . (Mouse storms off in a huff.)

(Bob walks up with a lollipop stick in his mouth.)

Bob: Hey guys. Figure out the sheep thing yet?

Dot: (disgruntled) No. . .

Bob: Huh. Well, maybe we can try my idea then. Okay, first, we build a giant wooden penguin. . .

(Mike the TV runs up to them screaming.)

Mike: Bob! Dot! Everyone! We've got to get out of the system right now!

AndrAIa: (brightly) Mike's right. Maybe we should just take a vacation for a while. I mean, we have been dealing with an awful lot of weird viral menaces lately.

Mike: No, you don't understand! If we don't evacuate the system immediately, we're all going to die!

Matrix: (sighing) Yeah, the stress has been killing me too. We're due for a break. Maybe head somewhere sunny for a while.

Mike: Look, listen to me! This is serious! Someone really really stupid -- who isn't me -- just set off the system self-destruct sequence! If we don't get out of here right now, everyone in the system is going to be blown to bits!

Dot: I like Mike's idea. Let's all go to Wisconsin!

(Mike considers Dot in disbelief for a moment.)

Mike: Right. . . Wisconsin. . . (He grabs Dot and Matrix by the hand and pulls them insistantly away from the PO.) Let's go there right now! Now now now now now!

(The others leave Bob behind, looking a bit hurt.)

Bob: Or, instead of doing my plan, we can go to Wisconsin. . . That's the other option we have, I suppose. . . Yep. . .

(He follows along behind glumly.)

(Cut to the War Room, currently dominated by a grim-looking collection of Poe. A sheep bursts into the room suddenly.)

Poe: Someone set us up the bomb!

Poe: What you say?

Poe: The self-destruct sequence has been initiated! We must flee this system immediately!

Poe: Prepare the evacuation pods!

Poe: Umm. . . We don't have any evacuation pods.

Poe: Oh! Ummm. . . Can we make a portal?

Poe: No.

Poe: . . . All right, do a system search and find something that can.

(A window of the system pops up. . . A scan passes through the picture. . . And zeroes in on the huge blob hovering ominously over Mainframe. . .)

(Cut to Hex's throne room, where Hexadecimal and Megabyte are sitting at the tea table as Timmy and Scuzzy chase each other back and forth in the background.)

Hexadecimal: So then I said, "I brought biscuits!"

(The viruses share an urbane chuckle.)

Megabyte: Oh, Hex. . . You were always such a card. You know. . . I have been meaning to apologize about. . . you know. . . That messy control collar incident.

Hexadecimal: Oh, water under the bridge, dear brother, water under the bridge.

Megabyte: Well, thank you. (He sips his tea thoughtfully.) You know, we always did make a good team, didn't we? When we weren't trying to delete each other, I mean.

Hexadecimal: Oh, absolutely. . . I still think about that time now and then. . . the Web war, our brilliant victory over Mainframe. . .

Megabyte: Yes. . . (He frowns.) But I suppose you're a "good guy" now.

Hexadecimal: (regretfully) Well, strictly speaking, yes. . .

Megabyte: Hmmm. . . (He sips his tea.) I guess those days are over then.

Hexadecimal: It seems that way.

(They sit in unhappy silence for a moment, avoiding eye contact.)

Megabyte: Well, erm. . . I suppose I'd best be on my way. . . The system isn't going to infect itself.

Hexadecimal: Oh, do stop by again sometime.

Megabyte: I will, I will. Timmy?

(The web creature slides up obediantly.)

Megabyte: Let's go take over the system now boy. Say goodbye to Auntie Hex.

(Timmy spits Scuzzy out, and Scuzzy zips away.)

(Cut to the exterior of Hex's lair. A portal opens up and Megabyte and Timmy exit, with Hex accompanying to see them off. They stop, shocked.)

Megabyte: . . . What are all those sheep doing?

(Cut to an overhead view of Mainframe. The Poe empty into the large blob of Yahoo! A Web portal opens and the blob squelches back through.)

Megabyte: No. . . No! My empire! My beautiful empire!

(Timmy growls in concern as Megabyte looks disheartened.)

Megabyte: You know, that's the third empire I've lost already. . . This is getting to be so annoying. . .

Hexadecimal: Oh, cheer up. . . You're young; you can get it back again.

Megabyte: I know, but it's so much work. . .

Hexadecimal: Well. . . this system would be a good start. . . We've conquered it once, we can do it again.

Megabyte: (blinking) We? You mean, you want to conquer it together?

Hexadecimal: (with a warm smile) For old time's sake.

Megabyte: (grinning) This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. . .

(An establishing shot of the giant familiar-looking spaceship Phong got in the previous episode, then pan through the inside. The entire system is all buckled up in their seats as the camera gives them all a quick glance. We finally end up with Mike the TV, bouncing nervously as he stares out the window of his seat next to Enzo.)

Enzo: Wisconsin's going to be so cool! I heard they've got a lot of cows there, and you can go over to your neighbor's house and ride on their cow, and they show football games all the time all year round!

Mike: (nervously) What's taking so long? Why didn't we take off yet? The whole system's going to explode!

Enzo: And they sell french fries on the street corner! You can get a whole big bag of french fries for fifty cents! And everyone goes to work on hover go-karts so they can get away from the cows, and the kids never have to go to school 'cause they all get GEDs!

Mike: I'm going up to the cockpit.

(Cut to the cockpit, where Bob is sitting in the pilot's seat, adjusting the rear-view mirror.)

Mike: Bob! What are you doing? We've got to --

Bob: Shhhh.

(Bob continues to adjust the mirror. . . And tweak it. . . And adjust it. . . Mike looks a bit troubled. . . And he wipes a little smudge off it. . . And adjusts it again. . . And again. . . And a little more. . . Mike starts jumping up and down nervously. . . And he opens the glove compartment and pulls out a pair of fuzzy dice. . .)

Mike: Bob! We --

Bob: Shhhh.

(And he hangs the dice from the mirror. . . And pulls one down a little further. . . Then the other. . . Then the first one again. . . And a little more. . . And then the other one again. . . And then he goes back to adjusting the mirror. . . Tweak. . . Tweak. . . Mike curls up in a little ball and sobs softly. . . Tweak. . . Tweak. . . Then he decides he doesn't like the dice and puts them back in the glove compartment. . . And gives the mirror a final tweak. . . And then another final tweak.)

Bob: Okay, there! Perfect!

(He reaches for the ignition, then slaps himself in the head.)

Bob: Whoops. Forgot the keys. They must be back in the Principle Office.

(Mike screams in torment.)

(Bob strolls down the aisle of passengers toward the door. The other main characters look up as he passes.)

Matrix: Hey Bob, what's up?

Bob: Forgot the keys. I'm just going to go to the Principle Office and get them.

Matrix: Hey, let's all go!

Bob: Okay!

(Dot, Enzo, Matrix, AndrAIa, and Phong follow Bob out of the ship.)

(Cut to the interior of the Principle Office, where warning sirens are blaring. Our heroes stop, suspecting something is amiss. . .)

System Voice: Self Destruct in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . . 7. . .

Bob: Huh. Anyone else know about this?

Matrix: It's news to me.

Bob: So, I guess we're all going to be deleted then.

Dot: Looks like it.

System Voice: 3. . . 2. . . 1. . .

(The sirens stop. And for a long moment, nothing happens.)

Bob: So, umm. . . Anyone else notice the system didn't self-destruct, or is it just me?

AndrAIa: No, I noticed it too.

Phong: Of course not. I got rid of the bomb ages ago.

Dot: Oh really?

Phong: Yes, of course. Seems silly, keeping something laying around that can destroy the entire system.

Bob: Huh. Well, at least it scared the sheep away.

Matrix: Hmmph. Smells like a barn in here now, though.

Bob: Yeah. . . I guess we can't go to Wisconsin until we've cleaned up in here first.

AndrAIa: Better get started then. Looks like we've got our work cut out for us.

(Our heroes stroll off down the hall.)

Matrix: Well, looks like we tied up all the loose ends.

Bob: Yep. . . I can't help but think we forgot something though. . .

(Ominous music plays. . . And we cut to a random system in the Net, where a group of infected binomes are staring up at the sky, chanting. . .)

Binomes: One Oh One. . .

(Another random system, where sprites are gathered, chanting.)

Sprites: One Oh Oh. . .

(Somewhere in the Supercomputer, a group of infected Guardians stands chanting.)

Guardians: One One. . .

(A topological display of the Net, infected Daemon Green, except for a single, tiny blue dot somewhere in Vancouver. An ominous voice-over continues to chant. . .)

Voices: One Oh. . . Oh One. . . Oh.

(One by one, the green dots vanish in rapid succession.)

(An establishing shot of the Web Tor, then cut within. Ray and Kilobyte are seated at a table with a round of cards in progress. Ray looks up thoughtfully.)

Ray: Did you just feel something?

Kilobyte: What?

Ray: A disturbance. . . As though a trillion binomes cried out at once and then were silenced. . .

Kilobyte: Yeah.

Ray: Me too. Weird, isn't it?

Kilobyte: I'll say. Got any threes?

Ray: Go fish.

(Cut to the Toonami ship, where four monitors are coming together to form a scene: Matrix carries AndrAIa into a hotel room, hangs a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob, then enters, closing the door behind him.)

Tom: That's it for ReBoot.

(The scene switches to Enzo, little AndrAIa, and Frisket. They're covered in brown fur with huge cinnamon bun-shaped ears and T-shirts, trapped in clear plastic balls, and screaming as they're bounced around in a giant pinball machine.)

Tom: The Young Matrix Chronicles is next.

(Go to a commercial, where silly cartoon children are enjoying breakfast cereal. A large white rabbit sneaks into the scene, tucking his ears into a baseball cap.)

Rabbit: (addressing the camera confidentially) With this disguise, I'm finally going to get some Trix!

(The rabbit approaches. The children look up at him coldly.)

Rabbit: Hi! I'm a baseball player! And not a rabbit! That means you should share your cereal with me!

(The children frown disapprovingly.)

Kid: Please take that hat off. It's degrading to us all.

Rabbit: Why, whatever do you mean? I'm just a baseball player, and not a rabbit, and I was wondering if I could. . . (His lip suddenly quivers and he falls over crying.) Okay, I admit it! I'm the rabbit! Just please, please give me some Trix! Just one bowl! Is that so much to ask?

(The children turn an indifferent shoulder to the rabbit as a hook comes out and starts dragging him off-screen.)

Rabbit: No! Stop! I don't want to go back to the lab! You can't do this to me! Kids, you've got to do something! How can you just sit there and let this happen? Don't you know what they do to me?

(And he's gone, leaving the children to their breakfasts in peace.)

Rabbit: (off-screen, screaming) I'm not the first Trix rabbit!

Announcer: Colorful Trix! It's just for kids! And not horrible, flea-ridden members of the lesser species!

(Rollicking adventure music plays as the camera follows a red line that's tracing its way through a topological view of the Net. Still shots fade into the background of Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket, dressed in the style of various games. As the line traces its way, Enzo and AndrAIa gradually get older, becoming teenagers, and then young adults. It ends with Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket striking an intimidating pose.)

(Cut to a livingroom scene where a very old Matrix lays snoring in an easychair. Two young sprites, a boy and a girl, rush back and forth, wielding scissors and laughing hysterically. They run into Matrix's chair with a start and wake him up. With amazing dexterity for someone so old, he instantly wakes up and whips around, pointing Gun right at them.)

Matrix: Gun! Target!

(Little crosshairs appear on the children's foreheads.)

Boy: (somewhat annoyed) Grandpa, it's just us. . .

Girl: (soothingly) We're sorry we bumped into you, just relax and put Gun away, and --

Matrix: (his good eye twitching) Mercy? To a virus? Never!

Girl: (patiently) We aren't viruses. We're your grandchildren.

Matrix: (narrowing his eyes suspiciously) You Nancy's kids?

Boy: Jason's.

Matrix: (puts Gun away, suddenly outraged) What're you brussels sprouts doing running around here anyway?

Boy: We're playing Scissors War! (holds up his scissors happily)

Girl: So far it's a tie.

Matrix: (still outraged) Why you little rutabegas! Don't you know you can hurt yourselves with these things? What if one of you got your eye poked out?

Boy: That's the whole point of the game.

Matrix: (seething) Listen to me, you pickled beets! Getting your eye poked out is the worst thing that can happen to you! Did I ever tell you the story of how I lost my eye?

Boy: (rolling his eyes) About fifty or sixty times.

Matrix: You little turnips sit there and listen! Maybe you'll learn something about why you should appreciate your eyes!

Girl: (whispering to the boy) Think we should listen?

Boy: (whispering back) We'd better. . . You know what happened to Grandma. . .

Matrix: (hollering) She was dead when I got there! (He leans back, staring off reminiscently. . .) It was right after the Web World War. . . Megabyte was behind the firewall. . . AndrAIa and Frisket and I were all the system had to fight off the Games. . .

(Dissolve to the end of the fighting game from Game Over. Enzo switches his icon to Game Sprite mode as the User bears down on him. AndrAIa does the same to Frisket's and her own. The User grabs Enzo's head. . .)

(. . . And, for the sake of good taste, we cut away to AndrAIa and Frisket wincing as horrible crackling sounds fill the air.)

Boy: (voice-over) Hey, what gives?

(Jarring cut back to the living room.)

Boy: How come nobody ever shows the User's finishing move?

Matrix: (ornery) Pipe down you little radish! I'm trying to tell a story here!

(Cut back to the final arena of the Game. Enzo is clutching his eye.)

System Voice: Game Over. User wins. Game Over. . .

Enzo: Owww! My eye my eye my eye! Ow ow ow! It hurts! It --

(He pauses thoughtfully, then removes his hands. Both eyes are in perfect condition. He blinks, looking himself over.)

Enzo: Hey, I'm all better.

(He notices for the first time that all the other Game sprites are gathered around, looking at him funny. AndrAIa and Frisket approach.)

AndrAIa: Of course you are all right. We are in Game Sprite mode. The Game restores us. (She cocks an eyebrow.) You did not think you would be deleted, did you?

Enzo: (not quite managing to sound like he knows what he's talking about) Oh no! No, of course not. I mean, we Guardians know all sorts of stuff about --

(The User's character suddenly approaches, looming over him menacingly. Enzo cringes as he extends a hand.)

Demon: (in a soft, friendly cockney accent) Good match there then. Really gave me a run for my money in that last round.

(Enzo blinks, just staring up at him for a long moment.)

Enzo: Erm. . . Yeah. . . (He shakes the demon's hand cautiously, looking around) So. . . This is what it looks like after the Game's over. . .

Angel: (approaching curiously) Indeed. . . But I must say, I've never seen an Outsider stay in the Game before. . . How did you manage that?

Enzo: (stares at the Angel blankly for a moment, then turns to AndrAIa) Yeah. . . When did we get code for Game Sprite mode on our icons?

AndrAIa: (blinking, surprised) I thought you knew.

(They share a confused glance, then turn to Frisket uncertainly. The dog discreetly avoids eye contact.)

Enzo: (shaking his head) Well, the important thing is, we weren't nullified.

AndrAIa: But now we are trapped in the Game! And Mainframe needs us to defend them from Megabyte!

Enzo: Don't worry AndrAIa. All we have to do is wait for the User to play this Game again. We switch back to Data Sprite mode, win the Game, and bingo! Home again, safe and sound.

AndrAIa: (gravely) How often does the User play the same Game twice?

(Enzo considers her blankly for a long moment.)

Enzo: (sighing) It's going to be a long wait. . .

(He turns to the Game Sprites thoughtfully.)

Enzo: So. . . What do Game Sprites do between games?

(A small ring of Game Sprites sits in the middle of the arena playing cards. A game of Twister is going on in the background.)

Demon: Got any Jacks?

Enzo: (dully) Go Fish.

(The Demon draws a card, chuckling demonically as he arranges it in his hand.)

Enzo: (nervously) Would you stop laughing like that?

Demon: Sorry.

System Voice: Warning. . . Incoming Game. . . Warning. . . Incoming Game. . .

(Everyone suddenly snaps to attention and returns to their paintings, leaving Enzo behind, looking a bit dazed.)

AndrAIa: (grabbing Enzo as she passes) Come on, Enzo, let us go!

(No sooner is everyone situated than the User's character materializes.)

AndrAIa: What if the User does not choose us?

Enzo: Eh. We'll just stay in Game Sprite mode and wait for the next time.

AndrAIa: (looking around) It does not look like anyone else is fighting the Game.

Enzo: (concerned) I hope Dot's all right. . .

(And the User proceeds to get the stuffing beat out of him in the first two rounds. Our heroes return to Data Sprite mode.)

Angel: So long!

AndrAIa: Take care! Maybe we'll see you again sometime!

Enzo: (muttering) Hmmph. Well, all I know is it'll be good to be home again.

(Cut to a strange, foreign system that's full of dense foliage. A large purple cube rises up and vanishes through a vortex in the sky, leaving a rather disoriented Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket behind. They stand frozen for a long, long moment, just staring straight ahead. . . Enzo's eye twitches. . .)

Enzo: Oh no! Maybe we were gone so long that Megabyte escaped and. . . (trails off uncertainly). . . put up a whole lot of. . . plants. . . or something. . . What the Net's going on here?

AndrAIa: (stunned) Enzo. . . I do not believe we are in Mainframe anymore. . .

Enzo: (rolling his eyes) Oh, come on. . . where else would we be?

AndrAIa: I do not know. . .

(There's an ominous rumbling sound. . . The three share concerned glances. . . And then a large volcano begins to erupt behind them. They scream and run as magma begins flowing straight at them.)

(Dissolve to the living room, where the children look terribly bored.)

Matrix: It looked like we were done for. We ran as fast as we could, looking for any sort of high ground, somewhere we could weather the eruption. Fortunately, I had my wits about me.

(Cut back to the threesome as they run. Enzo's crying loudly.)

Enzo: We're going to be deleted and it's all my fault! I'm too young to quit without saving!

(Just as the lava is about to reach them, a blur flashes past, and they vanish.)

(Cut to a treetop as a One binome in a fur loincloth swings onto one of the branches, carrying Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket. He sets them down, and they consider each other in disbelief for a moment.)

Enzo: Erm. . . Hi. Thanks for saving us.

Binome: (grunting uncertainly) One oh oh oh one oh one one?

(Enzo and AndrAIa exchange an incredulous glance.)

Enzo: Umm. . . Me Enzo. She AndrAIa. He Frisket. We come in peace.

Binome: (grunting and beckoning for them to follow) One one one oh oh one oh.

(Enzo and AndrAIa turn to each other, shrug, and follow.)

(Cut to some random location in the middle of the cyberjungle. Enzo, Frisket, and AndrAIa follow the binome.)

Enzo: Well, assuming Glitch can still do a decent system scan, this is not Mainframe.

AndrAIa: I could have told you that.

Enzo: So what gives? Why would we end up in a different system? You're a Game Sprite; do you know if Games just randomly jump to different systems for no reason?

AndrAIa: I do not know. Mainframe was the first system I ever knew.

Enzo: I wonder what could've happened. . .

(Cut to the User's room, where he's popping a CD out of his drive.)

User: Well, I played that game once.

(He flings it casually out the window, where it lands in an ethereal street. Several ethereal creatures walk past before one picks up the disk, considers it thoughtfully, and stuffs it in his pocket.)

(Back to the main characters.)

AndrAIa: I suppose we will never know.

Enzo: We've got to get back somehow. Maybe Glitch can still make a portal. . .

(Glitch whirrs and clicks half-heartedly.)

Enzo: Guess not. . .

Binome: (grunting, trying to attract their attention) One. One one one oh.

(Enzo and AndrAIa look where he points. A small tribal village sits in a nearby clearing. A community of Ones and Zeroes mills around, going about their business.)

Enzo: (quirking an eyebrow) And Bob thought Mainframe was primitive. . .

(They walk up to the village, attracting strange looks from all the binomes they pass. At last, they are led to a large, important-looking hut, where a tall, grim-looking binome sits in a crude throne. The binomes mutter back and forth a bit, then the tall one turns to get a better look at Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket.)

Enzo: Umm. . . Hi.

Tall Binome: One one one oh! Oh, one oh oh one oh oh!

(He points to a drawing etched into a stone vidwindow, depicting a green boy, an orange girl, and a red dog standing beneath a big purple cube.)

Enzo: (nodding in understanding) Yes! Yes, that's us! We came from the Game Cube.

Tall Binome: (sternly) Oh oh oh one! Oh, oh oh one one one oh!

(He points to a second etching, which depicts the boy, girl, and dog sitting in a large red food dish as an enormous dinosaur-like creature considers them thoughtfully.)

Enzo: (brightly) Oh, I get it! So you want us to fight this dinosaur, huh?

AndrAIa: (a bit put off) I. . . do not believe that is what they want. . .

Tall Binome: One! One one oh oh one!

(He points to a final etching, where the boy, girl, and dog are missing, and the dinosaur is licking its lips happily.)

Enzo: (considering the picture with a thoughtful frown) I. . . don't get it.

(Cut to some distant place in the jungle, where Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket are indeed tied up inside an oversized food dish as the tribe of binomes looks on expectantly.)

Enzo: You know, it'd probably be easier to fight the dinosaur if we weren't tied up.

AndrAIa: What I do not understand is where they found such a large food dish.

(The trees shake and part as a rather large lizard stomps toward them, greeting them, as such things tend to do, with a loud roar and a mouthful of sharp fangs.)

Matrix: (voice-over) It looked like the end. . . But then. . .

System Voice: Warning. Incoming game. Warning. Incoming game.

(The binomes flee in panic as the dinosaur looks up at the descending cube like a turkey in a rainstorm. A single binome bursts out of the crowd toward Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket; it's the same one that saved their lives earlier.)

Binome: (cutting them free) One one one one. . . Oh one one one. . .

Enzo: Hey, thanks a lot. I guess we owe you one. Well, two now.

Binome: (confused) . . . Two?

(As they all scamper away, the dinosaur takes notice of them again and gives chase. Suddenly, the cube drops on their heads, and they smack into a wall as the scenery suddenly changes to that of a small, seedy-looking tavern.)

Enzo: (cheerfully) Well, at least we got away from that dinosaur.

(As they open the door of the tavern, a large mouthful of teeth takes a snap at them. They close the door again.)

Enzo: (cheerfully) Well, we're all going to be deleted.

(The binome glances around nervously.)

AndrAIa: No. We must think of something. If we do not, Mainframe is doomed.

Enzo: (calming down) Right, you're right. . . Okay, umm. . . Well, let's see what we've got.

AndrAIa: ReBoot!

(AndrAIa boots into -- wouldn't you know it -- the biker babe personna, complete with motorcycle. She looks to Enzo expectantly.)

Enzo: . . . I'm not even going to say it.

AndrAIa: (frowning) You are no fun.

Enzo: ReBoot!

(Enzo boots into what looks suspiciously like a smaller version of his Matrix outfit, complete with facial hair, cyber eye, and Gun. He spends a startled moment looking himself over, wide-eyed.)

AndrAIa: Is something the matter?

Enzo: No, it's just. . . This has got to be the ugliest character I've ever booted into. (He considers his wrist.) Okay, Glitch: Game stats.

Glitch: (whirr bleep bleep whirr click)

Enzo: Hmmm. . . I'm a renegade with a price on my head. The User is a bounty hunter who has to catch me alive to win the Game. Seems straightforward enough. (He taps Frisket's icon.) ReBoot!

(Frisket becomes a Welsh Corgi. The binome considers them all, stunned for a moment. He turns his gaze to his own icon and reaches for it experimentally.)

Binome: (uncertainly) ReBoot?

(He nearly jumps through the ceiling as he finds himself transformed into a knife-wielding thug.)

AndrAIa: So, what is the plan, Guardian?

Enzo: You take Frisket and the binome on your bike and lead the dinosaur away. I'll take care of the User. He needs me alive to win, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about.

AndrAIa: Good luck, Enzo.

(They all pile on the bike and vrooom off, the dinosaur stomping along in pursuit. Enzo draws Gun and starts his way down the streets of a gritty little town, alert for any sign of the User. Suddenly, a small spacecraft looms into view and we get a peek at the User in the cockpit: an anime-looking guy with green hair that sticks entirely too far out in front of his forehead, a casual business suit, and two different-colored eyes, one brown and one red. Enzo draws Gun immediately.)

Enzo: Look, we both know you can't hurt me, so why don't you give up before I have to offline you?

(The User's response is a hail of machinegun fire that tears up the pavement to either side of Enzo. He blinks.)

Enzo: Or. . . Maybe you can hurt me just as long as you don't kill me.

(And the chase is on. The jazz music kicks in as Enzo ducks down an alley, rolling instinctively to each side as the gunfire comes at him. And there's innocent bystanders to knock out of the way and fruit carts to overturn as he makes his way down the street of the city, simply avoiding the User at all costs as things blow up all around him. And it's really quite exciting and everything. Really. He ducks behind the corner of a building, using it as a shield so he can draw Gun and fire at the oncoming craft. This somehow makes it explode in the air, come to a skidding stop in the pavement below, and explode three more times.)

Enzo: Well, scratch one User.

(And then the User comes running out of the smoke, completely unphazed. The jazz music kicks in again, becoming more intense as Enzo hops onto a speeding car to get away, only to find that the User has hopped the car right behind his. The chase continues through the now-busy traffic as Enzo and the User hop from car to car, until finally the User catches up and a fistfight ensues. Enzo manages a grab on the User, trying to push his face down into the pavement as it speeds past, but with a burst of strength, the User pushes him off, sending him sailing to the pavement. He rolls to a stop, battered and beaten as the music stops. The User lands lightly to the sidewalk beside him, a smug smirk on his face as he approaches. Enzo spots Gun a short distance away and tries clawing his way toward it, but his bloody, twisted body can't muster the strength.)

(Cut briefly to the livingroom, where Matrix's grandchildren stare wide-eyed at him in disgusted horror.)

(And back to our scene! The User pulls out a pair of handcuffs and reaches for Enzo's hands just as he's about to reach Gun. . .)

(With a sharp thwack, a knife hits the User's leg. He turns around, startled, to see AndrAIa, Frisket, and the binome behind him. As he's distracted, Enzo picks up Gun and fires off two rounds. . .)

(Everything begins to move in slow motion. . . The User's body flinches. . . And slowly. . . Slowly. . . He begins to descend to the pavement as a music box song plays gently in the background. . .)

(AndrAIa approaches on her bike, seemingly unaffected by the slow-motion effect as the User continues to fall.)

AndrAIa: Enzo! Are you all right? I came back as soon as I could.

Enzo: Eh. . . I'll be okay. What happened to the dinosaur?

(Frisket belches. Enzo considers him, quite speechless.)

AndrAIa: He is your dog.

Enzo: Yeah, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

(They spend a long moment watching the User slowly, slowly collapse to the ground.)

Enzo: So, I guess that wraps up that Game.

AndrAIa: Yes it does.

(They watch a bit more. Frisket yawns.)

Enzo: You know. . . I don't think we'll be able to get back to Mainframe from this system.

AndrAIa: I do not believe so either.

Enzo: But I was thinking. . . We stayed in the Game before and it took us to this system. . . Maybe if we stay in this one it'll take us back.

AndrAIa: I do not know. . . What if we are taken to yet another system?

Enzo: Well, we'll just keep doing it then. We'll use the Games to go from system to system until we find a system that'll help us get home. I mean, how long can it take?

(The User is very nearly horizontal now. Enzo, AndrAIa, and Frisket turn their icons back to Game Sprite mode. The binome considers them questioningly.)

Enzo: (turning to the binome) Thanks for all your help. I guess we have to get going now. We have our own people we need to get back to.

(The binome seems to understand. Without a word, he turns and walks away as the User finally hits the pavement, a rose in a puddle positioned strategically next to him as the Game begins to fade away.)

(Cut to the livingroom.)

Matrix: And so, that binome took back to his village the knowledge of how to ReBoot, and his people never had to fear the Games again.

(The children blink, seeming rather dissatisfied with this ending.)

Boy: Wait. . . So since when did the binome tribe fear the Games?

Girl: Yeah. . . And how do you know what happened after the Game left if you were in it?

Boy: And what does that story have anything to do with how you got your eye?

(Matrix considers the children with an icy glare for a moment, then whips out Gun.)

Matrix: (hissing) Which one of you stole my pills?

(The Real Folk Blues play over the credits.)

All characters in this story are the property of Mainframe Inc., and are used without permission. I didn't receive any money for creating this story, and I am not affiliated with Mainframe Inc.

This story is Copyright © 2001 CPFace. Having said that, you're free to reproduce it by any means you see fit, but you're not allowed to make money off of it. As if you could.