By Dan Green

Chapter 5 - Growing Up

It took a little while to get used to being home – three cycles wasn’t a long time, but Enzo felt like he’d packed a lot more into those cycles than seemed possible.  It was a shock to the operating system to be surrounded by other sprites again, not to mention the hustle and bustle of Mainframe.  Being in Matrix’ company was almost like being by himself, in a way – there were the same code, after all, and Matrix was as comfortable with silence as anyone Enzo had ever known. 

Still, there was a lot to be said for AndrAIa’s face, Dot’s cooking, Bob’s humor, his own bed – and in a couple of minutes he’d be returning to the Academy, anyway.  It didn’t take long for the boy to renew his appreciation for those things, and besides – there was his birthday coming up, and even though he was a little embarrassed to admit it to himself, the prospect of presents and cake and lots of attention still got him a little excited. 

When the knock on his door came that first night back, Enzo had been expecting it – more often than not his sister came to share those precious few moments before he reluctantly said goodbye to the cycle and let sleep claim him.  She’d been more relieved than she should have been when he’d come home safely – they’d only been gone three cycles, after all – and more upset than she should about the bruises on his chest and shoulder.  Like his brother had said, maybe he’d just have to accept her overprotectiveness as a part of his life for good – as much a part of him as the unique way he’d come into being.  “Come in.” 

“Hey, you.  Still up?” 

“Sure.  I’m going to sleep soon, don’t worry.” 

“No big file.  It’s not a school night.”  Dot smiled and sat next to him on the bed.  “You feeling better?” 

“Still a little sore.  But it’s not too bad.” 

“Enzo…  Defending a game in a strange system like that, I just don’t know-” 

“I know, I know!” the boy sighed.  “I heard enough of that from Matrix.” 

“Not enough – since you went into the game anyway.”  She stroked his cheek, frowning.  “Do you need a couple more analgesic subroutines?” 

“Nah – I’m fine.  And it’s not Matrix’ fault, Sis – I talked him into it and besides, we’re Guardians!  It’s what we do.” 

“I don’t blame him, don’t worry.  I know you persistent you can be.” 

“So it’s my fault?  I was wrong – go ahead and blame Matrix!” 

“You don’t get off that easy, Buster!  All I want is for you to be careful, you know?” 

“Geez, Dot.”  As much as he tried to tell himself to be patient, to understand her, he wondered why she didn’t seem to understand him.  “We were careful.  We’ve been in tons of games – this was just another one, that’s all.  We can handle ourselves.” 

“I know you can.  But that doesn’t mean you should take any unnecessary risks – no matter how small they are.  But I don’t want to argue about this now.” 

“Well – neither do I.” Enzo said defensively. 

“So let’s not.” His sister smiled wearily.  “There’ll be plenty of opportunities to argue about it later, I have a feeling.  You’re hardly even a teenager yet.” 

“Crash…” 

“So you had fun?  It was a good trip?” 

The boy frowned.  “I told you I did, Sis.  It was great.” 

“I know, I know…  But that was in front of everyone, and this is just us.  I just thought-” 

“Thought what?”  Enzo had always had a peripheral sense of the tension between his siblings, the wariness his sister felt around his brother – but now it sharpened in clarity, and it hurt him like it hadn’t before.  “That he’d hit me or delete me or something?” 

“Enzo!  I’d never think that.  Why would you say such a thing?” 

“You just…  Don’t have to sound so surprised, that’s all.  We had a really good time and we talked about stuff, and it was great.  We’re brothers, you know?” 

“Yeah.  I know.” Dot sighed.  “I was just worried that…  That he might lose his temper or something, maybe not be so much fun to be with.  You know how Matrix can get upset sometimes.” 

You mean – you thought I’d piss him off.  “He didn’t lose his temper, Sis.  Hardly at all.  We talked about a bunch of stuff and it was a beautiful place and the hiking was great.  We had a great time.  We’re even gonna do it every hour.” 

“You are?”  She raised an eyebrow.  “Matrix said that?” 

“Yeah.  I suggested it, but he agreed.  Is it OK?” 

For the first time, Enzo’s sister looked genuinely pleased.  “Of course it’s OK!  I think it’s fantastic.  I know how important your big brother is to you.” 

“But you’re surprised?” 

“A little.  Maybe.” Dot smiled.  “But only because I know Matrix doesn’t like to do things very often – it has nothing to do with you.  But I think it’s wonderful for you two to spend time together, and I’m glad he thinks so too.” 

“You are?  Really?” 

“Of course, Sweetie.  I know there’s things you don’t like to talk about with me, and-” 

“Dot-” 

“I know, Enzo – it’s all right.  And I know Bob has been a great influence on you, and you two talk all the time.  But it’s different with Matrix – there are things you share with him that you don’t share with anyone else.  You think I don’t know how important that is to you?” 

“Dot!”  There were still times that his sister surprised him, as well as he thought he knew her – and those times themselves always surprised him. 

“I wish things had been easier between you two.” She continued quietly.  “It was painful to see how hard it was sometimes – even though I knew from the start that things wouldn’t always be easy.  How could they be, the way everything happened?  But the good moments between you two made me happier than you can imagine.” 

“Really?”  Dot, seemingly, always saw more than Enzo gave her credit for.  Did it bother her that he shared things with Matrix that he couldn’t with her?  He grabbed her hand.  “I think things are pretty good now, Sis.  Better than before.” 

“I think so too, Angel.  I hope so – You both mean the net to me.”  She kissed his cheek.  “So - birthday coming up, eh?  You excited?” 

“Sure.” He blushed. 

“Fourteen – my goodness!  It doesn’t seem possible it could be fourteen already…” 

“Seems like it took forever to me.” The boy sighed. 

“I’ll bet.  Those hours go by faster and faster the older you get, Pal – just wait and you’ll see.” 

“Maybe.”  That was one of those things that adults said all the time.  But it didn’t make sense – time passed as fast as it passed, didn’t it?  That didn’t stop them from saying it anyways… 

“Fourteen – and ready for your second hour away from home.  What a young man you are.” 

“I don’t feel that way sometimes.” 

Dot smiled.  “You just don’t see – you can’t.  But I do.  I see you like no one else sees you.  And you’re a young man, now – whether you think so or not.” 

“A little puny one.” Enzo sighed. 

“Not so little.  Almost as tall as me now, and getting some big shoulders on you.  But that’s not what makes you a man, anyway.” 

“That’s what Matrix said.” 

“Did he?”  Her eyes twinkled.  “Well he’s a little older now – he understands things you don’t.  But you understand plenty for a fourteen hour-old.” 

“Not for two cycles.” 

“I stand corrected.”  

“You’re sitting down.” 

Dot chewed her upper lip and stared at him for a nano, a look he knew all too well.  In a flash her hands were under his chin, and he was howling.  “Stop!” 

“That’s what happens to kids who think they’re comedians.  I can be funny, too!” 

“Stop!  I give!” 

“Well…” 

“Please!” the teenager pleaded, squirming away. 

“All right.”  Dot folded her arms and smiled, a posture he knew to mean she’d showed him she was still in charge.  It was pointless to fight her.   

“Ow!  You made my bruises hurt more…” 

“Poor baby.  I forgot – I’m sorry.”  Dot kissed him on top of the head, showing her gentle side now that she’d established her wicked one.  “I’ll go and let you sleep, my young man.  And in two cycles we’ll have a nice party for you.” 

“OK.  But you owe me a nicer present now.” 

“Of course – to make up for the torture.  But somehow I think you’ll survive.” 

“Barely.” 

“You’re a bad actor, Sweetie – always were.  Sweet dreams.” 

“Night, Sis.  Love you.” 

“Love you, Angel.”  She kissed him one more time and left him to his thoughts.  The boy sighed and lay back, hands behind his head.  Matrix envied him the closeness he shared with his sister – that much he was sure of.  But Enzo thought maybe Matrix didn’t remember – or chose not to remember – what it was like to have Dot smother him with worry every cycle.  Matrix didn’t appreciate what he had – he was free.  Grown-up.  An adult – and Dot was just his sister, nothing more.  She let him live his life as he saw fit.  That was good, wasn’t it?  He wondered, then, if he’d really miss Dot’s affectionate but overbearing protectiveness when he outgrew it.  He also wondered if she’d ever give him the chance to miss it…

* * *

“Tired?” 

“A little.  I haven’t walked that much since we were game-hopping.” 

AndrAIa sat next to him on the couch and Matrix wrapped an arm around the game sprite, savoring the soft warmth of her.  “How did Enzo hold up to the grind?” 

“Not bad.  The kid’s in pretty good shape – they must work ‘em pretty hard at that Academy.  And you know the best part?” 

“What?” 

“He barely complained the whole trip.  They must beat the whining out of them at that place.” 

“Matrix!  Stop it – that isn’t funny.” 

“Well – I think it’s been good for him, anyway.  He’s a lot more mature than he was before he left.” 

“Maybe that’s just because he’s growing up.” 

“Maybe.” Matrix yawned.   

“Not too fast, I hope.  I love him the way he is.  He makes me feel young.” 

“He’s fine.”  Matrix knew the special place his younger self held in the game sprite’s heart – she was the only one, really, who’d known him as a teenager.  They’d shared so much together at that time – so much pain, so much love, so much sorrow.  Enzo was a living link to a chapter of their lives that was long closed.  Maybe the big sprite even understood that a little better now.  “He’s actually a pretty good kid, you know?” 

“I know.  I fell in love with that kid, remember?” 

“Thank the User.”  They kissed briefly, a touch of honey on lips and warm breath on cheek.  “Enzo says he’s in love, you know.” 

“What?” she giggled.  “Our little Enzo?” 

“Don’t sound so surprised.  I was in love when I was his age.” 

“So you were – I guess the Matrix men start young, huh?  Is it a girl from the Academy?” 

“Who else could it be?” 

“No one.” AndrAIa grinned.  “Go on.” 

“Her name is Lisa.  He actually told me about it a long time ago, and I assumed it was just some sort of crush, you know?  But apparently he’s pretty serious about it.” 

“That’s the girl he was in the game with, right?  Dot mentioned something about him being sweet on her…” 

“More than sweet on her.  He says he loves her, I’ll have you know.  And believe it or not, she said she loves him, too.” 

“That’s wonderful!” AndrAIa laughed.  “Knowing Enzo I’m not surprised he’s taking it seriously – I wouldn’t expect him to go into anything halfway, so why should falling in love be any different?” 

“I guess.  He seems a little young for all that to me – but I guess I’m not one to talk, am I?” 

“Guess not, Lover.” 

“Don’t tell him we talked about this, OK?  He’d be pretty embarrassed.”  The game sprite grinned broadly.  “What?” 

“Nothing.  You’re just very sweet, that’s all.  I promise – not a peep.” 

”Andri…”  The big sprite shook his head.  “You know, at first I couldn’t even see why Enzo would want to go on this trip.  I haven’t exactly done much to encourage him, have I?  But it doesn’t even seem to matter – he saw things the way he saw them, and damned if he wasn’t gonna make it be that way.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know – between the two of us.”  That was a topic that was never easy to talk about, not even with AndrAIa.  His relationship with his brother was not a source of pride for Matrix – though there had been genuinely uplifting moments.  There really hadn’t been as many of any kind of moments as there should have been.  “It’s hard to explain.” 

“I think I understand.” The game sprite whispered.  “But there’s no reason that all can’t change now, is there?” 

“I don’t know.  Maybe.  It never really bothered me before – I just didn’t think about it.  But it does now.” 

“People change, Lover.  Not just kids – adults, too.” 

“Maybe.”  Matrix smiled, thinking back on the tragicomic nanos spent swimming in the vernal pool, the primal emotion of their escape from doom on the rock wall.  “He’s a good kid, Andri – you know?  We’ve wasted a lot of time…” 

“Not wasted, Lover.  You’ve been there for Enzo when he needed you.” 

“Not enough.” 

“You weren’t ready.” The game sprite sighed.  She kissed his cheek, ran her fingers lightly through his hair.  “You needed time to learn how to be the big brother, that’s all.  Now you’re ready.” 

“You think so?”  It was always tempting to accept AndrAIa’s endless faith in him, no questions asked – but Matrix knew he hadn’t always deserved it over the hours.   

“You wouldn’t be worrying about it if you weren’t, Matrix.  Enzo was always there, waiting – he knew you weren’t ready, too.  But he’s still there.” 

“Yeah.  Patient little null, isn’t he?” 

“Lucky for you.” AndrAIa smiled.  “You missed out on a lot of good feelings – now you don’t have to anymore.” 

“Yeah – I guess.”  They kissed again, her faith a redemptive wave that washed away his doubt and anger as it always had.  “Maybe he’s still young enough to need a big brother for a while.” 

“He’ll always need you, Lover.  You have to be the one to show him the way – no one else can.  Not like you.” 

“I…  Maybe.  We talked about stuff out there, you know?  Stuff I’ve never talked about with anybody.  About us, even.  He has a lot of questions.” 

“And no one else can answer them, Enzo.  That’s why he waited until you could.” 

“I guess.”  AndrAIa understood – she’d done her share of waiting for him over the hours, there was no point in denying it.  He kissed her hair, inhaled her scent.  “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, Enzo.”  Matrix lost himself in the warmth of the game sprite – the glow of contentment that she radiated outwards, allowed it to envelop him and soothe him as it always had, since his boyhood.  “I love you.” 

“Love you.”  Maybe she was right – maybe he was really was ready to be the mentor to Enzo that the boy needed.  To be what he’d always wanted to be, deep-down, though he rarely allowed himself to think about it.  Enzo was a gift to him – a part of him, and the beacon to show him a new part of himself he wasn’t sure he had the courage to face.   

“You must be tired, Lover – it’s been a long few cycles.  You want to go to sleep?”  

“Not quite yet.” He grinned.  “Andri?” 

“Yeah?” 

“How would you feel about, you know…  Trying?” 

The game sprite frowned.  “Trying what?” 

“Trying.” Matrix whispered, blushing, kissing her neck softly.  “You know.” 

“Enzo!  Do you mean it?” 

“If you’re ready.” 

She smiled.  “Are you?” 

“Yeah.  You know, I really think I am.”

* * *

It was a good party – they always were, when Dot planned them.  The food, the cake, the presents – his sister knew him, and knew him well.  The themes of his birthday parties had gradually shifted from clowns and ballplayers to Academy blues and music, something a little more befitting the teenager he was now.    The boy had to give her credit – in that way, at least, she was acknowledging the changes in him. 

Sure, it was definitely a good party – he’d certainly have liked to have had Mouse and Ray there, and Captain Capacitor’s absence on a trade mission left a gap in the festivities.  The old salt was great at parties.  Most of all Enzo yearned to share his special cycle with Lisa, to steal away with her and kiss till his lips hurt – that would be better than any present.  But he’d be with her soon enough, and the cycles at home were growing few as his summer faded.  And Dot still knew how to make him feel special. 

Enzo blushed as Dot kissed him from her stool next to him at the bar for what seemed like the millionth time that night.  “You can stop doing that now, OK?  I think everybody’s seen you do it by now.” 

“Sorry.” She giggled.  “It’s just that birthdays make me think of how fast you’re growing up, and that makes them even more special to me.” 

Enzo looked up at Bob helplessly.  “Couldn’t you keep her busy for a while or something?” 

“Don’t look at me, Birthday Boy.  I already have to deal with her all by myself while you’re having fun at the Academy.    This is what you get for abandoning me.” 

“I didn’t hear you complaining when I gave you that brand new MP3 player, you ungrateful little boy.” 

“Sorry.” Enzo smiled sheepishly.  “I thanked you, didn’t I?” 

“So you did.”  Dot leaned in close.  “So you don’t want me to sing you 'Alphanumeric' this hour?” 

“No.  I mean – yes!”  That was a tradition Dot had maintained since the boy’s first birthday after the restart and he had to admit, it was his favorite part of the cycle.  “That’s different, Sis.” 

“You mean because no one’s watching.” His sister grinned.  There was a high keening wail from behind the bar.  “For User’s sake…  What happened, Cecil?” 

The dedicated server rolled up, looking flustered.  “Ze child fell down, Madame.  I told you I cannot reach him all ze way down zere!  Sacre bleu - A diner is no place for a toddler!” 

“Coming.” Dot sighed.   

“Saved by the bell, eh, Kid?” Bob chuckled.  “I better go help.  Don’t eat all the cake in one night.”   

Enzo strolled over to the booth Matrix shared with AndrAIa.  “Hey, Cutie Pie.” The game sprite smiled. 

“Hey, Andri-Girl.  What’re you guys talking about?” 

“Stuff.  What happened to Mac?” 

“He fell down or something.  It’s always something.  At least it bought me a few nanos without Dot smooching all over me.” 

“You love it and you know it.” 

“I do not!  Stop it…” 

Matrix scowled across at the bar.  “I think Cecil is hoping Bob and Dot don’t have any more kids.” 

“He’s not a good baby-sitter anyway.  He has no sense of humor whatsoever.” 

“I guess the two of you spent a large part of your childhoods driving Cecil offline, huh?” the game sprite laughed. 

Enzo shrugged.  “It was his fault.  He didn’t have to go around yelling all the time when I was just trying to have a little fun.” 

“Fun and Cecil don’t often get used in the same sentence.” Matrix said. 

“It’s not like you have anything to complain about – I hardly ever got left with Cecil until after the restart, which means you hardly every did.  It was mostly when the war was going real bad and everybody was busy all the time.” 

“Well – you’re a big boy now.”  Enzo felt like deleting from embarrassment, although unlike when Dot did that to him he didn’t think AndrAIa was torturing him on purpose.  She patted his hand.  “You don’t have to worry about babysitters anymore. Unless it’s being one.” 

“Yeah.  Sitting Mac isn’t so bad.  Except for the diapers.”  The teenager stuck his tongue out.  “Gross.  I hope they finish potty-training him soon.” 

Matrix smiled.  “Well, you never know when you’ll get a chance to sharpen your diaper-changing skills, Kid.” 

“What?” 

“Never mind.” AndrAIa shot a withering glare at her partner.   

Enzo glanced suspiciously between the two of them, irritated at being left out of the joke.  “What-” 

“You enjoying the party?” AndrAIa interrupted. 

“Sure.” 

“Good.  You’re getting so grown-up!”  The game sprite leaned in close and planted a pulse-quickening kiss on his forehead.  “Happy birthday, Little Sparky.  I’m so proud of you.” 

“Uh – thanks.”  Enzo felt himself blushing.  His train of thought was gone – what had he been asking about?  It always seemed to happen when Andri did that… 

“I’m gonna go get an energy shake – you boys want anything?  Another piece of cake?” 

“I’m fine.” Matrix replied. 

“Me too.” 

“Cool.  See you in a few, Birthday Boy.” 

Enzo watched AndrAIa as she walked over the bar.  “No complaints about her smooching all over you, huh Kid?” 

“What?”  He was blushing again.  The boy slid into the booth opposite his brother, anxious to change the subject.  “Thanks for the new docking bag, Matrix.  It was totally pixelacious.” 

“No problem.  If we’re going camping every cycle you’re gonna need a good bag.  Maybe we could try winter camping – that one’s rated for ten-below.” 

“Yeah – that sounds alphanumeric.  So – you were really serious about that, huh?” 

“Sure – why not?  I told you it was a good idea, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah.” Enzo smiled.  “I thought maybe you were just saying it to make me happy.  I think that sometimes.” 

“I know.  But that’s not really my style, is it?” 

“Guess not.”   

Matrix tapped his fingers on the table absently, a gesture Enzo thought was rather out of character for the big sprite.  The teenager didn’t need to be told to see that his brother was in a rare reflective mood.  He’d learned from experience that it was better to resist his own tendency to fill every silent moment - let Matrix get where he was going in his own time.  “So.”    

“So what?” 

Matrix chuckled.  “I feel like I got to know you a whole let better on Muir, you know?” 

“Shouldn’t you pretty much totally know me already?  I mean – you know…” 

“You’d think.  But you’re a lot different than I was, Enzo.  You’ve led a pretty different life than I did.” 

“I guess.” Enzo shrugged.  “I know I had it a lot easier than you did, and I’m not as tough as you or anything-” 

“No!  That’s not what I meant.” His brother scowled.  “I just mean – I didn’t really spend a lot of time getting to know you.  We talked sometimes and hung out a little, but…  I dunno. I just had my own idea of what you were like.  I just didn’t really know you as well as I should have.” 

“It’s OK – no big deal.” 

“Maybe.  But it was nice, you know – putting that right.”  The big sprite punched his brother’s arm softly.  “I’m really glad we did, because I found out you’re a pretty amazing kid.” 

“Thanks.” 

“And I just wanted to tell you… I’m really glad the restart brought you back.” 

It was hard for Enzo to find his voice and, when it did, it emerged as a ragged whisper.  “You mean it?” 

“You know I do.” 

The words were akin to ones he’d heard from Dot so many times, but knowing their source made him treasure them like rare jewels.  The boy coughed and stared down at the table quickly.  “You… you have no clue how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.” 

“Yeah.” Matrix sighed.  “I do, Enzo.  That’s something I’ll just have to live with.  But better late than never, right?” 

“Yeah.”  Enzo breathed deeply, forced a smiled to his face.  “I think you’re amazing too, Aniki.”  His brother shrugged.  “I never thought I knew you very well either, but it wasn’t ‘cause I wasn’t trying.” 

“Yeah.  I know, Enzo.  But listen – I just…  I want you to remember that I’ll always be there for you, OK?  When you need me for anything.” 

“Sure.” The boy whispered.  “I never thought you wouldn’t be.” 

“It’s just that it’s not going to get any easier, that’s all.  Trust me – I’m speaking from experience here.  It only gets more complicated as you get older, and things…  Sometimes they sort of don’t make sense like they do when you’re young.  Lots of things…  You’ll have some rough times.” 

“What kind of things?” 

“All kinds.  That’s why it’s important that you know I’m there, OK?  Even if I act like I don’t want to be bothered, bother me. And just hang in – you’ll get through it.” 

“I’ll try.”  The boy smiled weakly.  He wanted more than anything to communicate what it felt like, to finally know that he had a brother.  To know that Matrix was there, helping to show him the way.  But it wasn’t easy – the words which came so freely when he was with Dot just didn’t seem to flow when he was with his brother.  And with each hour that passed it got harder to put his feelings into words, even when it was with his sister.  Even as it somehow seemed to be getting a little easier for Matrix – though that wasn’t saying much.  “Thanks.” 

“Sure.”  Matrix patted his arm.  “Thanks for waiting it out, Little Brother.  I’m glad you did.” 

“I had to.  You’re the only big brother I have.”

 “And you said you had it easy!” 

“You act like you’ve been some kind of terrible brother…  But you haven’t!  You were always there whenever the RAM chips were down.” 

“Maybe.” The big sprite smiled.  “But that’s not good enough.  I’m not the same guy I was when I came back from the games – it may take me a while, but I figure stuff out eventually.  So I’m your brother full-time now, got it?  And we don’t have to wait till we go camping once a year to talk about stuff that you’re worried about.” 

“Deal.” Enzo grinned.  “I hope you don’t regret saying all this later!” 

“I’m sure I will, sometimes.  But the really good stuff is never easy – you have to work hard for it.  I figured that out a long time ago.  I just wasn’t ready to work through the tough stuff to get there.” 

“And you are now?” 

“Yeah.  You know, I really think I am.” 

END

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